I Cannot Do 2015 Again

It's over.  2015 c'est fini. Last week I talked about reflecting upon how lucky we are compared to others and how I was trying to be positive. This week, with a funeral to attend, I am in no mood to candy coat it; in essence 2015 nearly killed me, literally, and I cannot do it again.

Obviously I cannot do 2015 again without the use of a TARDIS, although I am sure everyone has things they would love to try and do differently. I literally mean, there is no way I could face a 2016 as bas as my 2015. In June this year, my mental health had become such an issue over the 6-8 months that I tried to kill myself. With my work situation and the stress playing a key part triggering my condition from an occasional thing to a legal disability. In 2015, I went from having a career and being excited and committed to being unfit to work and unable to make most telephone calls. I know it is the last blog of the year and I should reflect on all the good but, perhaps a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, all I can sense is how awful this year has been and therefore the next 12 months shall continue the trend. I've tried to remain positive; reading quotes about courage ad fighting the good fight.
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Together we can defeat MH stigma

I've had a couple of high rating blogs over the past 12 months which do reflect some of the bigger issues and now is a good time to reread them and throw my 'tuppence' in. All of these received hundreds of reads, sometimes hundreds more than I normally get - so thank you for sharing and commenting, Click the title to open and read:
> Blowing Anxiety Away and Accepting Distress
Part of this post was worrying about the UK pondering about hopping in and out of the EU and how that would affect my duel nationality. The rest was looking at some arty farty cloud blowing. I still think it is arty farty but I enjoy mindfulness and thanks to my Godmother, I've even dabbled in Reiki; and that does work.

> What is the Point?
Re-reading this post I seem to be sending some bizarrely mixed signals. It seems I am thriving and better able to live with the pressure easing on me yet that nagging anxiety and suicidal thoughts still plague me. I sometimes feel like this now; overall it is OK and yet I can't help ponder if suicide is an easier option. There is a fantastic poem at the bottom of that post which should answer that thought.

> Mental Health is like Diabetes
I really like this blog. It reads quite well despite how I confused and panicked I remember feeling around that time. The overall point still stands and it is something I would like to emphasise and revisit: all of mental health is a spectrum. It is equally like Diabetes given that when under control, we can all live happy and fulfilling lives.
I love my friends and family.
They have kept me alive
A shoutout to my twitter/tumblr
friends too who have held my hand

> Closing the Door
It was around this time I went from being upset to feeling anger and also a sense of injustice. As I have argued throughout the past few months of my blog, mental health is legally equal to physical health. Reading this again reminds me of how hurt and betrayed I felt. The law appears to be on my side but time will tell.

> The Mental Health Fight - MOST BLOG VIEWS IN 2015
When I wrote this I literally wanted to give a brief overview of my story thus far and then review a fantastic project providing distractions to those like myself who can spiral into black patches. Writing honestly and openly not only fights the stigma surround mental health but also helps me understand, rationalise and process where I am and how I feel. This post was summary and included key themes such as my alcoholic mother, my interview on LBC Radio this year, discrimination and my suicide attempt. I am proud to be where I am. It has been so F##KING hard.

> I have a disability - MOST HUFF POST VIEWS
This was a gateway into a eye-opening article I wrote for the Huffington Post. I've received some amazing feedback through emails, my recently updated website and places like tumblr; yet I post and print screen of some amazing feedback on that post. It makes me feel I have achieved something and I'm not failing at life. Having a disability means I'm succeeding in survival. The linked HuffPost article is my personal favourite.
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I have come soo far and there were some good times in 2015 too. There is a video with a few fun moments at the very bottom.


Thank you once again for all your support - please follow me in all the right places on social media and share the link to this blog.

A big thank you to all my friends and
family for putting up with me. You are stars
So before I conclude with another shameless plug for the pantomime I starring in (4 weeks away!!) and I share some pictures and videos of 2015.

I'd love for you to comment here and share what your favourite post of 2015 has been.

Was it a blog post or perhaps something on my twitter, instagram or Tumblr? Comment and links are below.


Here comes 2016... Best of Luck.

I'm Matt. I'm 26 and I write a mental health blog and articles for the Huffington Post. I'm also the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks. I host The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio and live near West London.
Videos: YouTube.com/MattStreuli
Twitter : @mattstreuli
IG: instagram.com/p/_hk9w9AiBS/
Tumblr : mattstreuli.tumblr.com/
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Hope you had a Safe and Merry Christmas
Need help? In the UK, call Samaritans free on 116 123. Alternatively, further information plus legal support lines are available from MIND, the mental health charity, at www.mind.org.uk 


My Christmas Reflection 2015

I'm not religious or spiritual but read and share this post and a few from our past few months. Take this time to reflect yet appreciate what we have achieved and who helped us get here, especially those no longer with us, and how we can help others.
Despite my outward happy and panto-like character, unless I am somewhere I feel safe, I really struggle to force myself to do normal things such as using the telephone. The fear and anxiety of what could happen affects everyone, some more than others. 
Find more on The Huffington Post
 This week I'm just asking you to stop for a minute with your glass of mulled wine, close your eyes and realise how lucky each of us are and how hard we have all worked to achieve our accomplishments this year. Whilst for some of you that maybe degrees or fortune, for others like myself it is the fact I am still alive and still fighting. Remember that reminder of a post from a few weeks ago. 9.9 MILLION days are lost each year in the UK due to mental health such as stress or depression.

At this moment there are 20,000 people in hospital and likely to miss Christmas due to mental health (See the very bottom of this post for more). Even more people will be struggling at home and work. Time to Change research shows that over half (55%) of parents in England have never spoken to their children about the topic of mental health (including wellbeing, stress, anxiety). I've argued that mental health is a spectrum or sliding scale but how many people out there are just ignorant about mental health? How many people are discriminating against mental health because they do not understand and/or are scared? How many people have mental health issues themselves, minor or severe, and simply do not realise it or how to ask for help? You might sometimes 'bite your lip' when it comes to the family members you see over this festive period but there are many people who really have to force themselves to socialise, let alone wash and smile.

Also, when you stop to reflect, think of those we have lost this year. Next week I go to my second funeral of 2015 as the drama club loses a third member. Is it only 'post mortem', you stop to reflect everything that person has done for you? All the good and positives that person helped into your life. Perhaps we regret not seizing more opportunities but either way, reflect upon those happier times and be happy you were there.

I will dearly miss Sandra, the drama club's Vice-Chairman who died last week; she was everyone's Nan. If I reflect slightly further back into the year, my best friend's mother lost her fight with cancer. Neither would want me sat around sulking but it is good to remember the cheeky jokes and the love and care we shared. I am sure the same goes for you.
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Even though I can seriously struggle with the confrontation and the shouting and the overwhelming positivity of Christmas, I am still very grateful for the friends and family I have and extremely grateful to you; my readers! Whether you are reading my recent post, or even a post from months ago, and sharing them on your twitters and Facebooks you help me feel understood and not as alone as the 'black dog' would let me.

So stop. Hold your drink. Take deep breaths. Remember where you were 12 months ago and where you sit today. So much has happened and it whilst it hasn't always been easy some of it was fun. You've worked so hard to get here and if your journey is like mine it may feel like you are falling behind on a cold race of life. Mental health will do that but keep on. I certainly feel that I am in a worse place than 12 months ago but all I can do is try.

Next week I will tell you of a few plans I have plus share some more positive memories of my 2015. In the meantime, thank you for reading and tweeting, and have a very safe caring christmas.

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Matt Streuli is a blogger, actor and YouTuber who is passionate about mental health and his local community. He has made a career in customer service, entertainment and customer care. Matt is the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks.  He hosts The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio  and lives near Pinewood Studios on the edge of London. 

Need help? In the UK, call Samaritans free on 116 123. Alternatively, further information plus legal support lines are available from MIND, the mental health charity, at www.mind.org.uk 

Last Christmas?

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I write this blog with a nagging feeling hanging over me. Everything I have written here has been done in my opinion and with fact to back it up.  For example, last week I wrote a Huffington Post article about the realisation that my condition is a disability; I know that as a fact not just because I read up on the law but because a solicitor read my NHS and Occupational Reports and told me so. I say this because I have been asked to keep my grievance confidential which confuses me, least because I have been openly honest here on my blog since I first went on long term sick and made verbal complaints in October. 'Tis late to ask?

I guess it all boils down to freedom of speech versus libel.

Libel is the act of publishing or displaying something that is damaging to another person that cannot be supported by fact. In legal terms they call it defamation which is intentionally saying something false with the view to cause damage. However, I have no interest to cause any damage. I have gone out of my way to try and offer a honest view of where I am and how I feel but always related to facts and the evidence we have; therefore never intentionally false. I would like the situation to end tomorrow with a new job somewhere else in the company - the company I have never named. In short, you only know who my grievance is if you work there or the employer has told you and you've added one and one together.

Perhaps I am trying to read subtext where there is not any. Is this a sign of my mental health illness? I have been accused of 'blowing things out of proportion' before which is why I used to hang on and suffer into self-harm just so I wasn't made to feel a failure. Perhaps, I should just read that now finally my complaint is being investigated. As I've previously written, my condition fits several criteria to be considered a disability and the solicitor made it clear that I was legally disabled six months ago when I tried to take my own life.  Now, because a solicitor has lifted the shutter on the Equality Act and the Health and Safety at Work Act, it is being taken more seriously. For that reason, I'm not going to say anything regarding that issue for a week or so except refer you (links are in blue) to what is already out there.

The only thing I will add is that I spoke once again to the Legal Team at MIND, the Mental Health Charity I am proud to be a member of, and ACAS.

This year around 20,000 families will have an empty chair at their Christmas table because a loved one has been admitted to hospital with a mental health problem.
- MIND Christmas Appeal Details at the bottom of this post.
Let me give you an analogy...
I volunteer at the local non-profit community group.
Being a panto dame is great fun but with a title such as Chairman, I have quite a bit of responsibility.

If I find out that someone is at risk, whether formally told or informally, I have a duty of care to investigate and act or take appropriate steps. An example would be documenting what we know and contacting the Child Protection helpline for the County Council. What ACAS explained to me is that the analogy applies in every workplace. Whether it is a faulty piece of machinery or a damaging situation, you have a duty of care to investigate, rectify and/or report. Failing to do so, in either scenario, makes you accountable for the suffering and the further endangerment; this means that it is no longer an 'accident'.

Thank you to SANE for
 their SMS support
Having spoken with solicitors and ACAS, I already have a plan if there is no solution but I sincerely hope there is. If anything, this just hangs over everyone and applies pressure to my mental health. If it was not for the fantastic people at MIND, Hillingdon Law Centre and ACAS I would just think I am 'playing up'.

This leads me onto some triggers I've been experiencing. I haven't self-harmed since October -AMAZING - but I am having suicidal thoughts. Perhaps it is just Crimbo and I am 'Bah Humbug' but with this hanging over me, the threat of no pay and losing my flat, my illness is whispering in my other ear that sweet death would be the undeniable smoking gun and the release of pressure I need. I think I get why men can be so bah humbug. My theory is that we can see how hard and horrible, unfair and hurtful, life can be. The fact children are ignorant of it (blissfully) and women seem so much better and coping with it, just winds us up even more.

My favourite Christmas film is Die Hard (see christmas jumper!) which embodies all of that - except the suicide part of course. If you have 5 minutes, one of my favourite authors Matt Haig has written a piece on mental health at this festive time and perhaps you could have a read - before you share my blog.

See me in panto! www.ihdc.co.uk
But, I have to fight. I feel generally better than I have done for a few months and I will do what I can to stop this from killing me - unless I am out of options. I am lucky to have an amazing group of friends, an awesome drama club with pantomime and a pretty good family - minus the shouting. 

Considering I am mentally ill, suffered discrimination and my mother drank herself to death when I was 13, I guess it could be worse. If it goes to ACAS and then the tribunal or a public inquest, I guess you will publically find out how!

Before I wrap up, just a reminder of a post from a few weeks ago. 9.9 MILLION days are lost each year in the UK due to mental health such as stress or depression. We all understand that companies had to tighten their belts (and profit margins!) in the recession but at what stage does damaging your human resource outweigh the savings you were making? Sir Richard Branson believes that caring for your staff leads your staff to care about you and your customers.

Maybe if this is my last christmas, then everyone will care about mental health.

Text SUPPORT to 70660 to give £3
Text costs £3 plus network charge.  Mind receives 100% of your donation.  Obtain bill payers permission.  Customer care 020 8215 2243 Charity No 219830

Need help? In the UK, call Samaritans free on 116 123. Alternatively, further information plus legal support lines are available from MIND, the mental health charity, at www.mind.org.uk 
Matt Streuli is a blogger, actor and YouTuber who is passionate about mental health and his local community. He has made a career in customer service, entertainment and customer care.
Matt is the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks.  In his spare time, he hosts The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio (Thursday 8pm) and lives near Pinewood Studios on the edge of London. 

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

"I am sorry to announce that great-grandmother, panto lover and Vice-President Sandra Corcoran passed away earlier...

Posted by Iver Heath Drama Club on Tuesday, 15 December 2015

It's OK, It's a Disability

Last week I finally had some luck with legal aid and met an employment solicitor! I've written an article for the Huffington Post which explains more. In essence, it feels so good to feel that it is OK to have my mental health. Perhaps it is my illness, but I always feel like I'm the odd one and I'm the one who should always check what they say and think and feel.

 I've been made to feel at times that I'm not reacting appropriately to things and sometimes that is my own frustrations such as I can't make telephone calls anymore. Either way, meeting someone who knows the law and to hear that my efforts and feelings are justified made me feel so much more accepted and I'm not being a burden or overreacting!! It's like the world saying, we recognise you are trying and thats why its a disability.

Once you've  read my article (click here peoples!) I've included a tumblr post I posted last weekend as well as an inspiration quote at the bottom :P

Yes, it is me singing but even more important was the feedback.
Please read and share my article on HuffPost
Feedback is so important and I know some of you have been reading my blog for months or just since that uber popular one where I spoke about suicide and discrimination but it is all big steps towards making mental health normal. The only difference is that the further down the scale you go, the more you mental health 'disables' you from living a normal life. So thank you, for all your feedback and please do keep sharing and retweeting my blog.

Talk about normal life, did I mention I'm in pantomime in a few weeks? Tickets on sale. Thank you :P


Lounge fifteen presents Matthew E Streuli xxxx
Posted by Carol Campling on Saturday, 5 December 2015



A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

Matt Idol 2015

Over the past year my blog has left comedy and focused on mental health.
 This week I'm bringing back some of that comedy. As December starts its time to review the last year and offer up some candidates for people who deserve more recognition; people I admire. 

This is Matt Idol. #cuemusic

 It's not a way to idolise me - I wouldn't idolise me but that's because I've met me. We've got a few candidates from different aspects of life so please bear with and tweet me your feedback. Below each little write up I've included a relevant video or picture - please keep reading - I've put a reward at the very bottom.

Laura Nuttall  @Lozzamogz

Laura is clever, articulate and relatable young lady from North England. I stumbled across her YouTube videos earlier this year as I was looking for information on what it is like to be 'sectioned'. Laura has, and does, struggle with mental health describing herself as 'Schizoaffected'. Earlier this year she posted some honest videos about her experience in mental health hospitals in the UK; some of which was devastating to hear. When you watch her videos, you gain an insight into her life and also how normal she is; despite the stigma of mental health and being section represents. I have only briefly spoken to Laura on twitter but I find her story (through her social media and YouTube) to be particularly inspiring. Here is a bright, beautiful and compassionate young woman, similar age to me, who has had such a difficult struggle and yet still has acheived so much including graduating in psychology. Laura was admitted to hospital earlier this month but was well enough to attend the MIND Awards 2015 where she won the Blogger category. She was discharged earlier this week and is making great progress. Before moving onto the next entry, have a look at her channel especially the video below. Seeing Laura smile, after know she has been so ill, made me beam!
Thank you for sharing your story, I would love to come close to your honesty, your passion and your success.

Jenson Button MBE

Jenson has had every reason to feel angry or at least frustrated. He's been loyal to his team McLaren for almost five years and has acted as a proud ambassador not only for the sport but also his fellow drivers. Since his world championship win in 2009, Jenson has has a strong performance - even winning my favourite race in 2011 where in Canada he won the race after ending up last place due to 6 pit stops and a penalty in a soaking 4 hour wet race. Despite having an OK car, McLaren have kept falling behind the competition since the engines in Formula One moved from the noisy muscle to smaller more-fuel-efficient hybrid cars. This year, McLaren finished 9th out of 10 teams. As a McLaren fan I am disappointed and frustrated to the extent I can completely understand and forgive Alonso's outbursts throughout the year. Alonso, Jenson's team mate' joined McLaren because he had nothing to lose and felt that the risk of a new Honda engine might be the edge he needs to compete with the mighty Mercedes - but its the exact opposite. Despite all of this, plus the break-in to his house this August where thieves gassed him and his wife to sleep, he has remained cool, clever and kept on. His cheeky grin never far away. He could of so easily walked away and joined a TV commentary team or even went and raced in rally or endurance - yet he fights on. His car was a go kart compared to some of his competitors, yet he has still provided some of the most exciting wheel to wheel action of the season. Louis Hamilton and others will have their names recorded in other awards but I wanted to celebrate other achievements and my 'fandom' for Jenson keeps growing. The below video highlights Jenson's personality especially in a poor year of F1.

Mental Health Aware


This is an Instagram and twitter account run by Deano Hollett. There is not much of a backstory but I would ask you have a look and follow them. 

They post several times a day with a range of pictures and quotes some are to inspire you and others to help us all reevaluate our viewpoints. Either way, it raises the profile of mental health and I always enjoy reading their posts.  pic.twitter.com/Y4jOkCKI0N

Tom Scott

 If you have never heard of him, then you are missing out. I wanted to feature a YouTuber as I probably watch more YouTube than broadcast TV and feel that some of the content they are directing, producing, editing and presenting is freaking amazing. I looked through the channels I regularly watch and decided that Tom does an incredible job of every aspect and quite a bit of it, solo. His regular series "Things You Might Not Know" is genius and takes the viewer from weird British bridges to the radioactive remains of Chernobyl. Whether it is the bizarre code that killed Chrome, the moonpig bug or the 'Heartbeat' threat, Tom is there quickly to explain in simple yet entertaining ways how it works and why this is an issue. His videos are fun, clever yet most of all entertaining. Some of his videos are pure comedy and some carry a serious message but that's part of his charm keeping you glued to every video. PLEASE, I implore you, to go subscribe to his channel and binge on his videoes. Thou shalt not regret it.

And that's the end of this list...

Come see me in panto! Details at www.ihdc.co.uk
for now at least!

Your feedback is always welcome and I'd like thank you for staying with my weekly blog and reading every post - the stats show you do :)
It means the world to me that I am able to help promote better understanding of mental health, whilst therapeutically helping myself and hopefully we've all had a laugh at times too (suicide attempt and discrimination aside!). 

Keep scrolling, I've posted a few favourite things from the past week. Keep sharing, and please do tweet your feedback - THANK YOU xxx


A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on
A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on