Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Push through Anxiety or You'll Seize Up

RuPaul quite rightly says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else”. That same love can be applied to care and support; if you don’t help yourself, how the hell can you help anyone else?

Arthritis can be an incredibly painful condition and those who suffer from it should be admired. They push through the pain using coping strategies and medication because if you don’t mobilise those joints, they could seize up and the pain would be worse. In short, use it or you’ll lose it. Anxiety is a similar beast.  Anxiety wants to isolate you. It wants to clamp you down. It wants to shut you up.
There are days where it is exhausting just to open the curtains. There are days you can get to the local shops and back.  But whether it is agony in your knee or a burden on your mind, you have to try. 
The CDC (a department of the US government) encourages those with arthritis to take up their SMART challenge. I think the same can be applied to Anxiety and mental health in general.
Start low, go slow.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
Activities should be “joint friendly.”
Recognize safe places and ways to be active.
Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist.

"To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on."- Dave Pelzer

Start low, go slow.
Find an activity you can dip in and out of. Maybe something you can do for 10 minutes and take a break. Something where you can slowly build up and join in gradually.. Don’t expect to run a 5k on the first day. Consider activities like a walking club, singing for fun club, maybe part of the backstage team at your local drama club or even just volunteering at a care home or school.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
If you all becomes too much (whether joints or pressure on your mental health) you can slip away for a while. If you can run 5k, you might not be able to do it every week. If you can’t run the 5k, do a little run instead. If you feel like going to singing or yoga this week is hard or you are already drained, maybe ask the leader if you can come for the first half and see how it goes. Sometimes the hardest part is getting over the first hurdle and once you are there you have the support and fun you really need.

Activities should be “joint friendly”.
For mental health, perhaps this is open to your interpretation. It might be that joining the local Drama Club provides you with the same ‘escapism’ it gave me or the idea of being on stage isn’t your thing, there are many groups like ‘Men In Sheds’ and ‘Library Games Club’ where you can be part of team taking part in casual activities. There is something to be said though for joining a sports activity and while it wasn’t for me personally, something like Netball or Lawn Bowls could be brilliant for physical and mental health. Being part of a team, a supportive team, can be very rewarding whether you win or lose.
CLICK the image to view full screen
With thanks to the Membership team at Mind, the mental health charity
Recognize safe places and ways to be active
For me this links in with the above activities but this also includes safe places where you can get support. Does you library offer a local drop in service? Is there a local Mind? Some cafes also offer a mental health afternoon. If there isn’t, could a chat with your local Costa manager help set on up? Another aspect of this is where would you go in an emergency? Or a time of crisis?
I really recommend an app called “Hub of Hope” which does a great job of signposting you to local services whether it is in a crisis such as Samaritans or more routine support. They have a website also at:  https://hubofhope.co.uk/

Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist
Have you recently spoken with your GP? Have you been referred to a NHS Mental Health services or to a community service?
Many areas now accept self-referral so if you find talking to your GP hard, taking the first step to NHS support can be as simple as filling out a form. There is a long wait in most areas. Sometimes month just to have an assessment appointment before your referral makes it way to the right team. I understand that the long wait puts people off. I completely get the “why bother” feeling especially when you think you are stable. In reality, you might be slowly declining – for anxiety you might be slowly isolating yourself more and more – and it’s so gradual you don’t realise until there is a crisis. Refer yourself at the start and even if it’s only a light level of support … preventative is better than reactive.
I know the above might seem daunting but with mental health, you do have to practise and gently push yourself. If you don’t, it makes it harder to even accept or use the help you can get. 


"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."- Dalai Lama
Thank you for reading my blog – especially if you have followed me on Twitter or liked my Facebook page. A big welcome to all my new readers – your input, opinions and sharing my links is very welcome.

As you can see below, I became a page three model this month as our story went nationwide in the summer edition of Mind’s Membership magazine. It has been lovely to hear your feedback and Mind even sent us a wedding present which is really sweet of them. If you live in Bucks, you might have even seen us in the county newspaper.
CLICK the image to view full screen.
With Thanks to the Bucks Free Press
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Scented Candles and #SelfCare

Human nature seems to like maintaining the status quo however when that is the routine deaths of 100,000 people each year linked to issues with mental health care, I can’t help feeling something can and should change.

Whilst the male suicide rate was at its lowest in 2017 (since 1981 when the Office for National Statistics started) it is still the biggest killer of men from their teens to the time they should get their bus pass. In 2017, 5,821 people ended their own lives. 4,382 (75.3%) of those were male.


There are many ways to tackle this and different organisations are taking different multi-pronged approaches. In fact this week sees the Mind Media Awards which does a fantastic job of promoting sensible and careful conversation of mental health in the press or on films and TV. It also rewards those programmes, journalists and producers who undertake this difficult conversation and encourage people to talk and seek help. I was very proud to be on the shortlisting panel for the awards for a third year running and as ever found it a rewarding, enlightening and humbling experience. You can watch the event live via the Mind website.


One of the prongs to tackle this killer is the idea of self-care. In the ever hectic world where stress is the biggest cause of absence at work, helping people make healthier decisions can not just save the NHS millions or decrease your waist size but actually steer people away from the edge. The image of having a relaxing bath, or sitting still for 5 minutes of calm with candle or wax melt can at first feel quite… ladylike. But why should there be anything wrong with looking after your mind if it’s OK to look after your body? 


I asked on twitter: When was the last time you did nothing? Just focused on a raindrop, sat still, silently noticing the world around and what your senses' sense?

Every vote was either 'Rarely' or 'Never'.


One of the ways I practise self-care is to sit still and practise some simplified mindfulness with a wax melt or a candle to focus on. How does it smell? Can you see the flicker of the flame or the wisps of fragrance raise from the pool? Taking 5 minutes to notice these things allows your body and mind to reset from the chaos that is your pinging emails, buzzing text messages and banging of children or telephones. 


Below is a video review for Pick N Melt who reached out to me and given the nature of my blog and social media wanted my view on their products. The Mrs-to-be and I adore a Yankee Candle so went in with high hopes. It would be nice to spend some money on craft-made UK candles and wax melts? 


I have been blown away by the beautiful scents available and how well the fragrance remains. I've used big brand wax melts before and ended up with 'scent-less' wax lining my bin after a few hours but the 'Seville Orange' has been going for almost 35 hours now and it still smells like we've zested our own fruits right there. It's not overpowering but it is strong and lasts really well. I'm really impressed with the value of money their monthly subscription pack provides - a perfect gift for Christmas or for you to share with your friends and promote a bit of #selfcare.  #BeTheMateYoudWant.

Thanks for reading! Please share, subscribe and comment. Why not have a look at some past popular posts I've linked below!?



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Regular Blogging is hard....

I'm still available for Media things :) 
Click Image to view on SkyNews
Regular blogging is hard. Especially when you work two jobs (or thanks to some crossover it has been three!).

For those of you new to my story, I had an incredibly difficult time with a past employer which led to attempt to end my own life in 2015 and employment tribunal action for discrimination. It's taken a long time to get comfortable with my mind but also feel healthy enough to take risks.

To take big risks like going into a new full-time office job. A job with similarities to the one that nearly killed me.

I've been in my new job for just over two weeks so I'm able to look back without too much impact. It would be an understatement, however, to say it was easy. The days leading up to my new job were a holiday - even with the stresses of Summer Holiday Eurotunnel or a wheel nut disappearing on the French toll routes. The night before the new job, however, was a concern. Outside I tried to wear my old mask of 'Stiff Upper Lip' and 'Soldier on Through' but inside I actually felt scared.

A lot of my concerns are pretty normal. What will the people be like? What are the expectations? Where is it? Will they be understanding? Will they make judgments?
In the hours leading up to my start, all my mind would focus on is: "why am I taking the risk?"

I was happy where I was. OK, I need more money for the wedding but... I loved working in a school. I love the caring, funny yet devastating way children can be.

I have had one blip. It was two weeks in. Perhaps a shadow from my mental health diagnosis? 15 minutes from the end of the day, I'm pretty close to being on top of everything. Bam. A tonne of work hits my desk. This load behaves like an ignored parking fine: its grown from being a small fluffy annoyance into a cave-dwelling angry twit and has sharp pointy teeth. It could have been avoided. It almost ruined my night. The next day I crack on into the workload and realise that unlike the 'toxic waste dump' that I worked in during my lowest point (back in 2015), that the expectations of me and those around me were pretty reasonable. I wasn't forced by evil glare to stay late and try to solve every woe. Actually, with a good supporting team around you - even a bad day can be OK. In fact, the worst day so far was pretty good when I compare it to that company that nearly killed me.
Read more on my front page - www.MattStreuli.uk
I am very fortunate that my colleagues and superiors are nice, approachable and reasonable. I guess I should have expected that as I am now working for the NHS but as we've discussed before on this blog sometimes the biggest stigma we face is the threat and fears that our mind creates.

After all, everyone is human, mostly. 


NEXT TIME: More Wedding Tips & Visiting Caen







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Why can't you Counsel yourself?


If I was counselling someone else I would of said it, so why didn't I say it?
Emotions can seriously hinder OR enhance your capacity, success and logic. I've derived this all from "you shouldn't apologise for how you feel".

You are never wrong for feeling how you do. You might feel it and then find out the cause (what you heard, or meant) was in error. You might even learn they didn't mean to say or imply what she did. Even so, it was hard for my logical mind to change my emotional heart; I feel anger, hurt untrusted and oddly guilty.


I often wonder, after observing others, am I the only one who feels such guilt? Have you felt that?
If everyone else felt such guilt about upsetting people, even when they have right to feel hurt themselves, then wars and the pettiest of arguments wouldn't never come be.

When it comes to a dispute, I still feel anger and hurt and enormous guilt so I'd much rather crawl back and grovel. Even after all this time its somehow easier sacrificing how I feel and its cause so I can end the pain and make everyone else ok. But then, I could argue that that maybe if I'm the only one feeling great guilt over it, then it is unlikely they feel the same great pain I do. Surely if they felt the same pain they would feel the same guilt over upsetting someone? - Cause and effect?


Just by reading that last paragraph you can see why we shouldn't counsel ourselves.


Right now there is someone I think a great deal of having this internal monologue. I've had it many times. Yes, taking all the blame even if it isn't your fault, is the easy option. But that option will eat away at you and slow burn you from the inside out. It will pollute how you see, feel and interact in the world. The right option is honesty. The right option is standing your ground, holding your morals and defending yourself. You are loved and deserve the real love of a good person - not the murky waters you're settling for.

For those of you who like to put everything in writing, so you can plan and think your feelings, then I recommend contacting the email team of the Samaritans.




____________________________________________________________________
Oh my blessed relief, I crave you.
A tiny flinch and that combustion is released: a pool forms
and with a wipe, I'm briefly fine.

#poem


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Mental Health:How does it affect loved ones? #WSPD

This week my blog features two posts. In the first post, I followed on from last week by looking into the suicide crisis and importantly where is the anger and scandal around it. In this post, my close friend Claire Freeman looks at mental health and suicide from another perspective; a friend or relative watching on and the feeling of being somewhat powerless. 

#WSPD - Post Two

As we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on 10th September it seems time to reflect on everybody who is affected by mental health, including the friends and families supporting their loved ones battling with their mental health illnesses.

It is a sad fact that there just isn’t enough support and care available for mental health and yet surely this is equally important as our physical health? The NHS and supporting charities such as MIND do fantastic work with the financial support and resources that they get but sadly it’s not enough and suicide rates are still too high with one death every 40 seconds. This is leading to pressures on emergency services such as when Police cells are being used as a ‘safe place’ due to a lack of NHS beds.

Being a family member or friend to someone with a mental illness is a difficult, stressful and frustrating situation. Firstly, it will always be a challenge to understand how the person is feeling and it’s a big pressure to try and help. It isn’t always easy to know what the best method of support is and all you want to do is improve the situation for your loved one even when sometimes they won’t or can’t seem to accept that help. They feel like they are a burden and want to shut everyone out to protect them but those on the outside just want to help to make it better.

The next hurdle is actually getting your loved one the help they need and deserve. With rates of suicide as high as they are, prevention rather than just trying to deal with emergencies is the key. Unfortunately, with what seems like a stretched health care system, this help is harder to come by. Counselling, GP appointments, crisis hotlines, hospital beds and medications are all viable and good resources however for most are not available when required. It is either refused completely or a waiting list is too long that it can come too late.

This is proved by an incident that occurred on this week when I was alerted by a woman outside my home screaming and crying. I instantly ran outside to see if I could help and found her on the phone to the emergency services after her brother had tried to take his life. She was distraught. I have never seen anyone so scared, anxious and inconsolable. You could physically see her heart breaking as she tried to get help from the emergency services. As she became angrier, she began venting about how the family had been asking for help and support and had continually been let down. When asking for him to be helped it was never an ‘emergency’. That one word made me feel sick. 

My family and I have personal experience in trying to get help for a loved one suffering with a mental health condition. My Grandad battled Manic Depression, now referred to as Bipolar Disorder, for the majority of his adult life. As a child, I wouldn’t have been aware but as I grew up and became more able to understand, the true nature of living with a mental illness became apparent. I know from speaking to family members that spanning over decades they struggled to get the help that was needed to improve Grandad’s quality of life. His condition was always going to be there but there were periods of time when it became more manageable due to medication etc. However, the threat of suicide had always played a part. This pattern of peaks and troughs with his illness continued throughout his life and when it was bad, it was really bad. I don’t think anyone can comprehend just how lonely and dark the world must seem to feel when the only answer is to leave it. Watching someone you love and care for actually suffer in that manner is heartbreaking. The mixture of emotions and feelings for those who have to watch on is incredible. You are upset that your loved one is hurting, you are angry and frustrated that you can’t help, you are confused as you try to even begin to understand how and why they feel that way. You can see all the positives in their lives. They have a good job, a home, a network of friends and they have you. You adore them so why is that not enough? This is perhaps the hardest part. Being able to accept that whilst they do have all those things they sadly can’t see or feel that when their illness is at its worst. You may love them to the ends of the earth but they can’t understand that because usually, they don’t see why anyone would.

In some ways our family was lucky. Although it took far too long and lots of battling we did get help along the way and the care Grandad did receive was on the whole great. He spent time in hospital on the psychiatric ward with counselling and alternative treatments. He was regularly given medication to try and manage his illness. Although I say we are lucky, is this not what we should expect? If someone had a physical illness such as Diabetes they would receive that care no questions asked. So why when it’s a mental health condition does this seem to be a struggle to get and if received it is felt to be a big win?

As a family, in my opinion, we were let down too often in the end. Grandad was the worse I had ever seen him which was extremely hard to swallow when he had previously been doing really well. So what had changed? His prescription. For some unknown reason when he saw a GP that Doctor made a decision that would affect us all in ways he could never have imagined. Grandad had been better than he had been for a long time. His prescription had been working great so what did this GP do? Changed it. We will never understand why that was deemed appropriate. Surely if something is working for a patient, and they are not harmed by what and the amount of the drugs they are given, you would leave well enough alone. As soon as this was done we were back to square one and the illness became awful for Grandad and for us around him. It was the worst time for all involved as every day was torturous for him and we were helpless to stop it. We started pushing for help again but this time, we were faced with even more struggle to get it. He needed to be in a safe place like a hospital where he could get the right support but instead, he was at home. He was a risk to himself and my Nan, an elderly woman, trying to cope. She lived every day wondering if he would be there still as he made many threats and attempts to his life. Upon calling a crisis line she was told ‘it isn’t an emergency’ because he was only about to hurt himself but he hadn’t yet. When does it become an emergency then? Once they have actually hurt themselves and it is too late? 
evanlavine/flickr

Sadly for our family that was the case and my Grandad did commit suicide. At that point, it was treated as an emergency and suddenly everyone appears to help; Police, NHS, Crisis lines. But it’s all too late. I remember upon hearing the news the expected feeling of upset and grief came over me. However, what I vividly remember was also a sense of anger. Anger at the situation, anger that we couldn’t do more to of helped, anger that when asking for help he didn’t always get it and anger that he had done this and left us to deal with the consequences. Of course the anger towards him soon faded when I considered how awful it must have been for him. People say suicide is selfish because of the impact it has on others but I say is it? When someone makes that decision they are in the worse place they could be, a place most of us will hopefully never have to experience, and feel this is the best for everyone. Whether right or wrong in their logic I think it’s far from selfish. 

This is why when I met that poor young lady on Tuesday my heart went to her. Nearly 10 years after my family battled to get the right preventative action I could see another family experiencing the exact same. Actually, now it is probably worse. We have more people than ever needing the support and care that could prevent families all over the UK from going through what mine did. As I watched on and tried to help this complete stranger, I felt I knew her. I really could put myself in her shoes. Hopefully for that family this will be the ‘emergency’ that will get the young man the help he needs.

flickr / creatinginthedark
Overall the message to take with us all is that at some point it is likely that mental illnesses or suicide will touch our lives in some way. For those who suffer with an illness personally you are not alone even if it may feel that way. Use what energy you have to fight and ask for the help you deserve. Try and let your friends and families in and let them take some of the load. You are not a burden. You are their world. And to those who have a loved one with a mental illness, stay strong and be there even when that person pushes you away. Help them to get counselling or encourage them to go to charity websites such as MIND to get advice on self-help. Try and get that person support early on and don’t feel bad for nagging the health services, they are stretched but they are fantastic at what they do.

Prevention by helping those in need far earlier in their illness could drastically reduce the number of families to experience what mine did. Action needs to be taken by the government to help mental health services with more doctors, counsellors and beds in wards where needed but also to teach self-help in schools etc. and really educate our next generations on how to look after themselves and each other. If we can ensure mental health stops being a taboo, then maybe we have a chance of fighting it more effectively.

Written by Claire Freeman

#WSPD - Click here for Post One
Resources for employers and schools can be found at www.time-to-change.org.uk 
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. 
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. 
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here 


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We've come far but still men silently suffer suicide

In 1973, security at the BBC took 3 hours to decide whether to let in an invited interview guest for Radio 4's TODAY programme who, as a patient himself, was founding a union for mental health patients. In 1974 the US Civil Service finally backed down and removed the question "Have you ever been mentally ill?" from Government employment forms. Only a few years earlier had the fearsome US mental institutions we now picture in nightmares had started to close after a court had ruled it was unjust to make inmates patients work for free. With the economic issues in the UK, institutes were closed but this was abandoning and leaving people without the education or just simply too ill to survive or thrive in Thatcher's Britain.
A 1970s Office at the Cambridge Museum of Computing

Poor +ashens -  Click for full screen!
It took 66 years from the first powered flight to humanity landing on the moon. The pace of advancement is amazing. In 1976 the Queen sent her first email. A few years later the Commodore PET appears with an amazing 8KB of memory. Here we are 40 years later and I'm typing this blog on a laptop which is smaller, lighter, half the price (ignoring inflation) with 8GB of RAM. In 40 years humanity's advancement means my computer is cheaper and has a mind boggling 1,048,576 times the memory. Our advancement also means I get several hundred more emails a week than Queenie did in 1976 with over 70% of them landing in my spam folder for their 'unique' content.

In 2015, more than half the ambulance call-outs to York university students are for self harm. Tabloids no longer shout about teenage pregnancy rates but instead that more teens are self-harming than ever before. In my last post I explained how some unfair and extremely rude behaviour nearly pulled down all my progress in my own EUPD/BPD battles.
"It’s morally repugnant to neglect mental health, but it is also economically stupid, with its cost to the economy. The fact is, we’re not smart on how we spend money. We spend a fortune, rather than preventing it at the start.” - Norman Lamb MP
Click images to view full screen
Over the past decade, the trend has become more and more pronounced; more young men are dying by than own hand than through drugs, traffic accidents or heart disease. For UK women, suicide rates dropped over the 1960s and into the 1970's and have stayed steadily low even dropping slightly lower. Suicide rates for UK men slightly dropped in the 1970s, partially credited due to cleaner engine exhausts, but steadily grew since creating the large gap between men and women. According to the World Health Organisation data, UK women have their lowest suicide rate ever whilst our men have shown little improvement compared to 40 or even 60 years ago.

More young men are dying by than own hand than through drugs, traffic accidents or heart disease.

In other news... we now have two cats! Video below!
Why is there a gap? How has the fight become so lopsided?
 Or are Women just better when it comes to mental health or the stress of our modern world than men?
Are they better are confronting it, handling it and as such discussing it?
“in the medical community, you would never deny a diabetic his insulin.” - Kristen Bell, Actress who plays Princess Anna in Frozen and has Depression and Anxiety.
Join @bluesmudge and
@mattstreuli on twitter
I simply have no idea. I just know we need to do more. Please use this chance to flick back through the past weeks of my blog; you can see the most viewed articles in the left-hand sidebar which feature my own battles with depression, self-harm, anxiety, workplace discrimination, speaking in the media and public and being diagnosed with a mental health illness. Would my story been drastically different if I didn't have a penis? Or is it just that society may of treated me slightly differently and I may have been more willing to seek help sooner? I read the blogs and watch the vlogs of fellow mental health advocates (such as Laura's vlog below), sometimes with some envy at how well they can express and articulate their feelings, story and situation. My GCSEs and A Levels tell me that I am a smart enough person but is there something in my male nature or my nurture that prevents me and my fellow men from achieving the same? Or do we not generate the same response from the media or public? Is this discussion sexist for suggesting that women are better at emotional regulation or discussing and resolving mental health issues than men? I don't mean to cause offense but the evidence is all repeated in stats and graphs all over my blog.

PLEASE Comment here or on my facebook page with your thoughts.
Is now the time for local "Time to Change" action groups to just simply highlight the matter and signpost the options for everyone? Including the silently suicidal men?


Just before I go, thank you to everyone who has clicked DONATE below - every penny really helps. As you may of seen from my social media, links below, I have my first professional feature-length acting role and I'm excited to share it with you. You can see more here: DOGGED 

paypal.me/mattstreuli

 
A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on


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'Standing up to a Bully' & 'Putting a Ring On It'


There was a time, not too long ago, where someone being rude to me and unfair or unjust would have lead me to spiral into a depressive episode full of self harm and unvented anger. There was even a time when it only needed a perceived injustice from my oversensitive mind to trigger all of it.
This post may of taken over a week to write (partly due to my ongoing cough/cold/chest infection, part holiday and part processing what happened) but I think we should take time to assimilate and reflect.


He replied with a “Yes” and slow hand clapped until I left the store. I felt angry, humiliated and mocked.


The story begins at Gatwick airport while we are 'en route' to our lazy summer holiday in Spain. The scrutiny of airport security already increases your anxiety; not because I have anything to hide but rather what could I of left in my bag by mistake. Once through you check the screens to see that the Gate isn't there yet. In this world of budget airlines and accountants making every second pay, the pressure of getting to the gate in the microseconds allocated is enough to make anyone's anxiety pop. You have time to kill, so you think, so you browse the duty free...

At around 0430hrs I entered a large branch of a well known UK Tech Store potted a pair of Marshall Major II Wireless headphones. On the price peg label was a promotional sign echoing the pop-up banner outside the store. 
The offer as worded on their website also appeared on displays in store.


The price label for the headphones showed £129.92. Being a savvy shopper and a lover of tech I opened the Amazon App and scanned the product barcode. The first result, whilst being eligible for Amazon Prime and Fulfilled by Amazon was not actually sold by Amazon but a Third Party Seller. A quick look in the More Sellers showed Amazon.co.uk selling the item themselves for £120.00  This means that I have found the same product cheaper at one of the comparison retailers so I should get double the difference. Right?

I approached the till and asked for this. The member of staff passed me to a gentleman saying he was a Manager. He refused to honour the offer. This is very confusing. I tried to clarify if he was implying that Amazon Prime is a Third Party Seller, which of course they are not. He agreed that Amazon Prime is part of Amazon. The only reason he could advise me he was refusing to honour the promotion as advertised is because Amazon Prime gives me free delivery. Given that Amazon Prime is a service provided by Amazon and not a ‘third party’ I believe it is fraudulently misleading to not honour products sold by Amazon themselves which are included in the Prime service, such as this example. No exclusion to Prime members or products which are included with or eligible for Prime is listed on in-store Point of Sale promotional displays or on the website. 

I was angry. I've worked in Customer Service for some major brands and so I think I have a good understanding of UK law. What is happening is unfair and illogical. I think that's why it wound me up so much, there was no valid or intelligent reason. I didn't want him or the company to get away with it. It's fraud. It is promising something to the public they are not willing to keep. It is as simple as that. Having seen customer service from both sides of the counter in many different industries I know that often the loudest customers get the most support and appeasement. I am not a loud person but I have grown enough to stand my ground without having an anxiety attack... right?

I attempted to explain that there is nothing forbidding me the same promotion as non-Prime customers or showing that Amazon Prime products are excluded on the POS displays. This was infuriating so I asked to make a complaint. I asked him for his full name several times until he gave it and when asking for a Branch Manager’s name he told me to write to “Gavin Wood”. At the time I assumed Mr Wood was someone in store but from research I understand he is Head of Operations for the parent company.
A view from our Room - Video Review on my YouTube!

I asked him one last time; “Are you refusing to give me the offer your display promises because it is Amazon Prime and the posters say Amazon?” To this he replied with a “Yes” and slow hand clapped until I left the store. I felt angry, humiliated and mocked.

I am completely sure that either the Point of Sales Displays are incorrect and “materially misleading” or this staff member is in breach of the promotional terms and as such ‘conning’ and 'bullying' the brand's loyal customers.

I'm angry. I would never allow anyone, whether more or less senior than me, to talk to a paying customer like that. It hurt. I can happily admit that I had been firm and stood my ground. Perhaps he felt like he was being interrogated but a manager should have the training, skills and the intelligence to handle and deescalate such a situation without resorting to childish bullying. We live in a modern, equal 21st century world and why should I or anyone have to accept it.

I power walked to the smaller of of the two outlets at Gatwick North and I spoke with someone dressed as if they could be a manager (not in standard uniform). At this point I would like to commend that person for her handling of this situation and helping me calm down. She was obviously shocked by her colleague’s behavior especially for, in her words, “the sake of £9”. Once I was calmed down she left me with her colleague whilst she went to the other branch to speak with the staff there and retrieve the product in question. We both quickly looked at a A5 sized Point of Sale display showing the offer. In the end she sold me the headphones, timed at 05:13hrs, matching Amazon’s price of £120.00.

I felt some sense of justice. I had stood my ground. I wasn't rude but I didn't let someone bully me. Then sheer panic. We are in an airport, waiting for a flight.

Blue_Smudge and I then ran the normally 10 minute walk to our gate to catch our flight only to be told the doors were closed minutes earlier. We had missed our flight.

Over the course of the next 2-3 hours we both queued to collect our bags, pass back through UK Customs and Border Control and then at customer service to try and get on a different flight. At the cost of £80 per person we then had to travel separately on two flights later in the day to our holiday Palma. This is all because one person illogically refused to honour an offer without reason and then proceeded to bully me. Or is it my fault for standing my ground? Is this Karma or whatever saying "life is unfair" and I am an unimportant cog in the wheels of life. As we sat back in departures waiting for check in for our two separate flights, I could feel that depressive spiral growing even with my anti-anxiety medication. 
I think we deserved the
Kids Meal Pack on the flight home!
I could end the story here but as you can see we did finally get to Spain and have a lovely holiday. You may have even seen the video at the bottom of the post with a ring in it!

In the end my replacement flight was delayed over 3 hours (a window fell out the aircraft and they had to send a replacement aircraft! Fills you with optimism...) so I arrived at roughly the same time as Blue_Smudge. As we were now very late our transfer was long gone but the taxi fare wasn't too bad.

At the time of posting this we are back in the UK, and I still have this chesty cough and sinus thing blocking my lungs, ears and nose. I have spoken through formal letters with the Head Office of the retailer involved who has explained that Amazon Prime products, as long as they are sold by Amazon are included. Perhaps the confusion comes from the fact that some products can have Amazon Prime but be sold by a Third Party. I have not named the Brand or the Parent Company as I have no reason to, I sincerely hope this was one bad member of staff in a branch which misunderstood an offer. HOWEVER, I have asked them to reimburse me for the extra cost (£160) of changing flights and as i only received a 'price match' then I am due further reimbursement to the 'double discount' offer. I hope we can all have a happy ending and I can remain a loyal happy customer.

If nothing else we had a good holiday... except our hotel to airport transfer didn't turn up and our homeward flight was delayed a little bit.
I am proud that I stood up to injustice. I feel so close to actually getting justice. Part of me wonders if I had kept quiet and just accepted the bullying, we would of had a less stressful and late start to our lovely holiday. 

The medication helped. The therapy and support from the NHS helps. The love and support from my friends, family and cat has kept me afloat and given me passion to fight. The person who has made a massive, perhaps the biggest, impact on my life is Blue_Smudge. She understands me and facilitates me. An engagement is in the future but I wanted to make a gesture to show how much I value and appreciate her love and freindship and how deeply I feel it towards her. A Promise Ring.

Thank you for your support - please keep sharing my blog and checking out the past few posts too. Every view, advert click and donation makes a huge difference. xxx 

www.paypal.me/MattStreuli


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