Showing posts with label Time to Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Time to Change. Show all posts

Why become a Mental Health First Aider? - Suicide Prevention Month

Making time to take care of yourself can be hard. During lockdown, it felt like life was in a loop of work, home, work, home, work, home. By the time you get home, you just want to crash in front of easy watching TV. I have the same issue with writing my blog. I feel so much better for doing this but it does take time and effort like all self care does.
 
For many parts of the world September is Suicide Prevention Month however organisations big and small come together with the WHO and the International Association for Suicide Prevention to mark 10th September as World Suicide Prevention Day.
Globally, over 800,000 suicides are reported and there are many more which either go unreported or don't fit the criteia for suicide in the death certificate of a country. As I type this the Office for National Statistics has released the latest data with headlines following the common theme of "Male Suicide at highest rate in 20 years". 
Occasionally I go back through my blog to revisit my posts. They mark how I felt and thought as different stages of my mental health journey but they also indicate how far we have come as a society. One of the posts I am most proud of, conveniently for World Suicide Prevention Day 2016, was written by one of my closest friends and her view of not only my struggles but also of her Grandfather. It is a powerful read you can find here.
Stigma was an incredible oppressive force when my mental health was at its worst. I can clearly remember how liberating being suicidal was - I could speak out because I had literally nothing to lose. It was that with the right support from friends, family and the NHS that supported my recovery - something which I'm proud my blog has recorded.Suicide can be a difficult subject to approach but once you cross the threshold with compassion and honesty, its a stigma that seem ridiculous. 
Tweet from Prof Appleby: clinician & Gov adviser on suicide
Tweet from Prof Appleby: clinician & Gov adviser on suicide

Recently, thanks to the NHS Trust I work for, I attended a two day course and qualified as a Mental Health First Aider.  Why would any employer want a Mental Health First Aider? It's another cost
In a previous post we've discussed the business case for taking the mental health battle head on. In that post we discussed how research by Soma showed the businesses that record and track mental health make up to three times of the profits compared to ignorant competitors. In that post we also discovered how every 80p of investment in prevention and support for mental health and well-being at work saves £4 in costs whether that is sickness, loss of business or, as my case showed, legal fees. In the end, I argued that with the potential saving of £9 billion per year to the UK economy, that businesses big and small couldn't afford not to invest in mental health and well being of their staff and customers. 


The course is written by MHFA England who are working with the aim that by having more and more Mental Health First Aiders in businesses and organisations that stigma can be more routinely battled and that awareness raised more often. It also hopes that earlier intervention can be made for those needing support and prevent staff, friends and family reaching crisis - like I did in 2015.
To start with I did have to confront some anxiety. Would this course be upsetting? Would it stir and prevoke feelings I don't want? Would the people there be tolerant of me? 

In hindsight, I shouldn't have worried but anxiety can be pair of concrete boots in the murky canal of life if you are unable to push through with useful healthy coping mechanisms. In my example, I tried to imagine some of the content like icebreakers and discussions of suicide and think about how much I was comfortable to share or say.

It always amazes me how little is said about mental health and yet, when the tap is opened and that awkward threshold is crossed, everyone has some experience. Whether it is friend, a relative or a patient or customer. When you begin to realise how much mental health has touched every person, you begin to realise how few people will judge you in a negative way. 

The role of being a Mental Health First Aider isn't to solve every problem or become Counsellor Deanna Troy of your organisation; in the same way your First Aider isn't your organisation's Paramedic or Dr Beverly Crusher. It's more about having someone ready to listen and offer a signpost whether it be to a manager, to ACAS, to a union, to the GP, to a local support group or in times of crisis to the emergency services. The problem doesn't have to be a psychotic episode but it can be. It can be helping someone after a nasty call or offering a calming cup of tea after the loss of a loved one.

Helping another person, even if its just listening, can be incredibly rewarding. In fact, you can save a life.

If you are interested in becoming a Mental Health First Aider, email your HR department today or have a look at https://mhfaengland.org/













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Are you desensitised to Suicide?

This post has been bouncing around the back of my mind for a while now. It started with a post on a local Facebook group wondering why there had been no news following a suicide at a local train station. Some of the comments were angry – why would there need to be news? What is there to be said? The person making the post was sincere in the reply they didn’t need the gory details but felt that a death like that is shocking moment and there should be some memorial or acknowledgment to the person who has passed.

Not just some sterile note that services were briefly delayed that day.



This has been bugging me. At times, I am actually quite furious about this. If the person had been subject to bad Doctor, it would be a shocking newspaper story. If the person had been attacked in the park, the press would have sounded the rallying cry for better policing and in turn better funding.
So, where is the article and the shock that our mental health system is failing? Where is the rallying call where we bang on the doors of those MPs who feel their duck pond is more worthy than our brothers and sisters?

Do we really now live in a world where a Suicide on our railways is no longer a tragedy, but just a delay to the chaos commute? Is that the kind of world you want to live in?
In 2016/17, 237 people took their lives on the railway – the lowest number since 2010/11.

Small Talk Saves Lives - Click here for the Network Rail campaign


I’ve touched upon this before on my blog. I remember the revelation when I found out that suicide is and has been the biggest killer of men and teenage men for decades. Mental Health isn’t some new problem. This has been going on for decades. As a society, we took the fight on with TB, Cancer, and AIDS. Where is the anger and revolution to take that social fight to mental health?


In my own story, I’ve broached how if it was 2019 and not 1999, then safeguarding would have triggered a response by the School, NHS, Police, and Council. Perhaps this will save some of the youngsters from entering the desolate paths that lead to the adult mental health crisis – or at least give them a more stable route with better chances.

Is suicide so common that we don’t actually care anymore? The World Health Organization says that ”Suicide is a global phenomenon”. Globally, it is the second leading cause of death for 15 to 29-year-olds. Why have we just accepted this?

Things are changing. Change isn’t always quick. Statistics for 2017 showed that certain suicide rates were down – some even at the lowest recorded.

Suicide is preventable. A short conversation with someone who may be struggling to cope can go a long way, and might even help save a life.

My Mum's boyfriend took his own life in the few months after my Mum's death at a train station. As an adult, I searched his name. Maybe records from 2004 aren't interesting enough for the internet, but the only trace of his existence was as a mark on a chart. A chart showing suicides by train station by year in the UK. He wasn't even a person anymore. Just a statistic. I understand families may want privacy but perhaps local press could publish a celebration or memorial to that person so the wider public feels that the delay to the 08:29 was actually the end of life, not just a nuisance.

Talking is one of the biggest ways you can make a difference. Whether it is asking someone, twice, if they are OK or maybe reiterating this article, talking is a key way that you can help save these lives.
In 2015, I was at my all-time low. I had nothing left to lose so I gave life a chance. We need to help people before it reaches that stage because I’m very lucky I’ve managed to recover to where I am now.

Find out more about my story in the article I’ve written for Brides Magazine. I’ve also written an article on the Mind website.



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Excellence and 3x the Profit? How can #MentalHealth mean success for every business?





Just over two years ago I worked at the UK and Eire HQ for a large multi-national manufacturer. After five years with the company, I was forced to leave – after I tried to kill myself. So how can Mental Health save businesses £9b per year, deliver excellence in products and service and therefore up to 3x the profit?


Matt Streuli's TV Interview with Sky News - August 2017
Read more of my Story: https://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/BacktoBlog.html
The Heath and Safety Act treats mental and physical health equally, however, the real world has been slow to catch up. In my situation, I was taking on extra work and new roles to ‘help’ the company keep in profit. Yet new independent research by Soma shows that companies that record and track Mental Health make up to 3x the profit.[1]


I did everything my HR said, however, they didn’t do ¾ of the ‘reasonable adjustments’ suggested by their own Occupational Health Doctor. When I returned to the office with my final sick note from my GP, feeling duty bound to turn my out of office on and beg for my colleagues to cover my urgent duties, I was called in to see a senior manager. When I explained the situation and handed him my sick note he replied: “No one else had a problem”.
"In classrooms, in workplaces, around the dinner table, between friends even between strangers. People are now really talking about their own wellbeing and looking to help those around them. And while just talking doesn’t cure all ills, we are now shattering the silence that was a real barrier to progress. ”
– Prince Harry, Mind Media Awards 2017
The problem is that everyone does have this problem. The biggest killer of men and young men is not cancer, drugs or car crashes. The biggest killer of men in our country is suicide. In fact 75% of all suicides are male. Research released in August 2017 by Mind, the Mental Health Charity in England and Wales, show that men are twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues. Why does this matter to HR and CEOs? Research announced by one of Prince Charles’ charities in October 2017 showed that Work and the Workplace was the cause of 60% of mental health issues as surveyed by YouGov – regardless of gender.[2]

At a basic level, however, the solution is simple. Companies want to generate profit. This is done by creating a product or service and then nurturing its growth until it reaches the pinnacle of what it can achieve. We should be doing the same with our staff. As humans, we want what is best for ourselves, our families and each other. Big businesses are starting to realise that by nurturing and supporting their staff, they can mould their employees into what is best for the individual and the company; flexibility, compassion and ambition is a two-way avenue. 
"In the sphere of mental health alone I have found it to be quite extraordinarily supportive. What you do for yourselves and your friends and strangers can not be overstated."
- @stephenfry , Mind Media Awards 2017
Stress and other mental health problems are the second biggest cause of sickness absence, accounting for 70 million lost working days every year.[3] This sick leave plus the staff turnover costs £26 billion every year[4]. It is cheaper to support and nurture your staff and in turn you will harvest up to 3x the profits. 

How can a driver get to the podium if the pit crew can’t face another day? 

 Studies also show that simply spending 80p on health promotion and intervention saves £4 in costs due to absenteeism, temporary staff and presenteeism[5]. In my case, it would have also saved the cost of expensive Solicitors and a payout – let alone the Employer's embarrassment with Staff and Customers. 

The Centre for Mental Health has proven that simple steps to improve the prevention and early identification of issues should enable UK organisations to save 30% or more of current mental health and stress-related costs, a potential saving of £9 billion per year.[4] 
If you want to your products and service to bloom with excellence, that has to start with your foundations. That excellence can only be delivered by staff who are nurtured and flourishing themselves.

Search Matt Streuli on HuffPost to read my articles
 How can Customer Service deliver excellence when they live in a "toxic dump" or an "atmosphere of fear"?

Since leaving my ‘hurtful’ employer I have focused on my recovery and returning to work. Aside from my new career in Education and in the Voluntary Sector (for Mind, Time to Change and the Iver Heath Drama Club) I have been working as an advocate. This involves public speaking and representing the struggling, scared, silent workforce - including interviews with LBC, The Guardian, BBC Newsbeat, Paul Ross on TalkRadio and, most recently, Sky News. Compared to that ‘hurtful’ job, I am struggling to make ends meets but: I am healthy, happily engaged to a wonderful woman and I am Alive.

The reason I am writing to you is that YOU and the staff who directly report to you have the power to change your company and save lives. I would like to offer my services to you and your HR team. I would like to work WITH you in helping improve the mindset of your company and management structure to one that wants the best and what is best from and for everyone whether this is through public speaking at your meetings and conferences or on an individual basis. I would also like to support you in working toward an industry standard such as:
> The Mindful Accreditation (a NHS recognised Charter signed by over 1700 companies)
OR
> Joining Mind’s Wellbeing Index (run by the charity Mind, signatures include PepsiCo, Jaguar Land Rover and the Environment Agency)
OR
> signing the Time To Change Pledge (funded by Department for Health and Comic Relief, run by Mind and Rethink. It has over 500 signatures including Three, Thales, Aviva and Heineken.) 
1 in 4 of us will suffer with mental health[6] at any one time, it can affect anyone at any time and 60% of those are ignited by employers hurting us; not getting the best from us.

The question is no longer if you can risk the Employment Tribunal or if you can afford the ‘Reasonable Adjustments’. The question now is that with your competition taking on this mental health battle in search of a healthier workforce and 3x the profits, can you really afford not to?

If you would like to read more I would ask you have a look at the links referenced and at the Mental Health at Work Report Business in the Community (sponsored by Mercer with support from Royal Mail & Heathrow). If you already have Wellbeing and Mental Health First Aid in place, I would love to hear your success stories so I could ‘sing your praises’ elsewhere.

PLEASE send to your HR team and DARE them to take part in this momentum of change.

Read more of my story at: https://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/BacktoBlog.html
[1] http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2017/10/10/profits-rack-ftse-100-firms-eye-mental-health-study-finds/
[2] http://news.sky.com/story/work-causes-mental-health-issues-in-60-of-employees-11066428
[3] https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/workplace-wellbeing-index/index-201617-findings/
[4] https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/employment-the-economic-case
[5] http://www.mindfulemployer.net/business/cost-business-benefits/
[6] https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/about-mental-health


If you need help finding support, call the Mind Infoline between 9am and 6pm Monday to Friday on 0300 123 3393 or visit mind.org.uk If you want to talk to someone right now, Samaritans provide a listening ear on 116 123





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Employers are 'harming' male mental health!

Disposable Workforce? - Pinterest/John Holcroft
Research released today by Mind, the Mental Health Charity in England and Wales, show that men are twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues caused by their job than women. If you've been reading my blog for while, this will resonate with my story. My previous job caused my mental health to diminish until in 2015 when I tried to kill myself.

I asked for help several times and was signed off work more than once. When I went to the office with the 'latest' sick note and told my senior manager I had been signed off due to stress he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. Despite the reports and advice from the company's appointed Doctor and the evidence from my NHS psychologist and GP, they simply didn't care enough to make minor and cheap changes. I felt disposable. I had been injured, my mental health had been made worse to the point of suicide and yet I was made to feel it was my fault. How can it be my fault for hitting targets, asking for help and reasonable adjustments while trying to keep on ever increasing piles of work?

And yet, as shocking as my story might be, it is not a one-off. Stress and other mental health problems are the second biggest cause of sickness absence, accounting for 70 million lost working days every year.

 In 2016 the family of Dr Rose Polge, 25, called for action to halt the "crisis" affecting trainee doctors after she went missing and took her own life. According to the BBC she is one of three Junior Doctors to go missing or take their own lives related to their employment. One anesthetist wrote on the British Medical Journal website that "Just as safety is everyone's business, so is safeguarding friends & colleagues." 

Meanwhile, a Psychiatrist from Wales wrote:"Every suicide is a potentially preventable tragedy. Each one of my medical school reunions is marked by ...  our fellow med students who are no longer with us - we have lost more to suicide than for any other reason"

 My story is just one of the 15,000 in this research that show this 'disposable' use of humans isn't limited to the medical profession or to office workers; it's an epidemic.
The research, which comes from a survey of 15,000 employees across 30 organisations, is released as Mind urges employers to sign up to the Workplace Wellbeing Index 2017/18. 
The new data from Mind also shows that men are less prepared to seek help and take time off than women. Alarmingly it suggests that although men are more likely to have mental health problems because of their job, women are more likely to open up and seek support from their line manager or employer.
 
In the end, I took the company to employment tribunal through ACAS but settled before the first hearing. By this point, it was months after ending up on long-term sick and having my pay cut off, I needed the money. Yet all of this, including my ongoing mental health issues, could have been prevented if the adjustments recommended by the company's Doctor weren't ignored or if the ideas in the Workplace Wellbeing Index were adopted.
(Workplace Wellbeing Index) is a benchmark of best policy and practice when it comes to staff mental health, designed to celebrate the good work employers are doing and to provide key recommendations on the specific areas where there is room to improve.

How can forcing Male staff to suicide make business sense when mental health costs employers £30billion PER YEAR?
For every 80p spent on Mental Health promotion, it has been shown to save £4 on costs (sick pay, tribunals, HR interventions, lost business). According to Mind's 2016/2017 Index, 10% of employees rated their current mental health as currently poor or very poor. Over a quarter said this was due to problems at work, not home.

Thirty organisations have joined the previous Index including the Environment Agency, Jaguar Land Rover, PepsiCo, Deloitte and Barnardo’s. Mind is now calling on forward thinking employers who want a thriving workforce rather than a barely surviving one to sign up and join these companies in the 2017/2018 Index.

If you are an unconvinced Manager or without-heart in HR, then look at the figures - can you afford not to join the Index?
Employers can find out more at www.mind.org.uk/workplace

Matt Streuli is blogger and Actor based in Iver Heath, on the edge of West London. Read more of his story and what happened next by clicking here.




 with thanks to Claire Bennett at Mind's media team. 
For interviews with Mind or myself, please contact the Mind Media Team on 0208 522 1743 or email media@mind.org.uk

  • Mind, the mental health charity, provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They campaign to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding. They won't give up until everyone experiencing a mental health problem gets both support and respect. www.mind.org.uk I'm proud to be a member.
  • Mind has a confidential information and support line, Mind Infoline, available on 0300 123 3393 (lines open 9am - 6pm, Monday – Friday)
  • In a crisis: Samaritans are open 24/7. Call free from any phone on 116 123
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Back to Blog : Reboot V.2017

I knew my Childhood wasn't normal but I certainly didn't dwell on it. Children don't. They can be a lot stronger and more adaptable than we realise, depending on their age and how it is explained to them. My mother was an alcoholic.

What was a typical day like as a child? Well I got up and went to school. I've never needed a parent to wake me, did it all myself. Couldn't really be bothered with breakfast but I acted old enough to get to school and nag myself to do homework or clean the house.

I was her sole carer until she died when I was 13.

Flash forward to June 2015 and I tried to kill myself. Depression has been an ongoing symptom of my battle with mental health and the discrimination and stigma I have faced, mostly in the workplace, has only exacerbated the problem.

The main cause of my suicide attempt was stress and workload at work, since we had lost several members of staff without them being replaced, but the trigger was an incident at work where I defended someone I 'saw' as vulnerable but I came under attack. Without consciously knowing it, I needed to look after that vulnerable person just as I did when I was the sole carer for my Mother between the ages of 8 (my Step-Mum says it was when I was 10) and 13. She died from alcoholism. My 'damaged' hardware and software of my mind crashed.

I lasted just over 3 months. The trigger was when I brought something to the attention of my Senior Manager and challenged him, just like we are always being told to. I told him he had offended some of the staff and he replied with "I don't care". It set off the same cascade failure we had seen a few months earlier except this time, I asked for help. When I told that same manager I had been signed off due to work he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. I've seen GPs, my NHS psychologist, I've spoken with solicitors and legal teams at Citizens Advice Bureau and ACAS as well as the fantastic team at MIND. He discriminated against me, I assume because of my disability.

I self harmed because of him. They knowingly exacerbated my condition. If I didn't ask for help they would have my blood on their hands.

In the end, with thanks to ACAS, I took the company to an employment tribunal but settled before the first hearing. Part of me wishes I held out just to have my ‘day in court’ but by this point, months after I ended up on long-term sick and having my pay cut off, I needed the money. I went from taken 100+ phone calls a day, handling orders in excess of £1m to being unable to make or take phone calls and crying when trying to handle basic paperwork.

Almost Two years on I am so much better than when I tried to kill myself, I am will always suffer anxiety and depression linked to my condition (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I then saw a job offer as a Lollipop Man. Perfect.
Stop Means Stop!
 Failing to stop for a Lollipop Man or Lady is a £1000 fine and 3pts
A great way to get me out the house, give me reason to wake up and avoid the risks of an office. It hasn’t been easy – I’ve been sworn at, had cars swerve round me and I was even hit by a courier van in February 2017 – but in the last year I’ve become a Teaching Assistant, re-met an old school friend and fell in love with her. MADLY in love. She moved in with me, taken care of me and I proposed to her on New Years 2017. She has given me hope in life and love. We've had a few explosive adventures! The council has given me hope in employers again and being one of two male staff at the school has given me a lot of lovely caring mother figures – I can’t get away with anything!

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter  -  @MattStreuli
I should also mention how amazing my drama club has been - giving me love and care of a family of friends as well as a way of self-exploration and desperately needed distraction.

Despite being busy with road safety and school work, I still write and I aim to reboot this blog. Over the 2 years, I've produced YouTube videos and I have even taken part in Public Speaking to the MoD with Time To Change to actively encourage everyone to speak out and seek help in an attempt to fight the frightening suicide rate, despite my ongoing depression and anxiety. I even help with shortlisting for the Mind Media Awards – this will be my second year. I've even appeared in The Guardian and written for HuffPost.

I might be a lot poorer than when I worked in that office, but I am happier and physically healthier than ever before.


BELOW are links to some favourite posts of my past blog. Every view and share is really appreciated. 
When I looked at my friend sat on the kerb, I didn't see her. Just how am I to describe it? A hallucination? A flashback? It was like watching a film and suddenly the actress playing my friend was swapped with the one playing my dead mother, but I was the only one who could see it. Why did my head decide this was a helpful thing? > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html 
 It makes me feel I have achieved something and I'm not failing at life. Having a disability means I'm succeeding in survival. > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html




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Review & Signposting

A quick little blog  after the hectic for #WSPD World Suicide Prevention Day.

The second post was written by a very close friend Claire Freeman. It was actually refreshing to hear how suicide and the wider mental health subject affects your friends and family; from their viewpoint. We have both had some fantastic feedback and I hope I can encourage her to write for us again soon. Her post is certainly worth a read and share. You can find it here.

The first post was looking at the anger and rage that was expressed online and by the media as Sainsbury's changed their meal deal. It made me angry that people were 'incandescent with rage' over a sandwich and yet not interested in the suicide crisis spreading across the world. Over 70% of UK suicides in 2015 were men. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. Why are people not furious about this?

Finally, I also wrote a post for The Huffington Post's Lifestyle section called 'How Can We Prevent Our Suicide Crisis?' which you can read by clicking here.

Before I wrap up, I just wanted to highlight something called signposting. Before I saught help from my Doctor, I spent a lot of time reading and researching different aspects of mental health. Last week was the culmination of weeks of work, reading or listening submissions, for the Mind Media Awards. All of the entries I saw were fantastic and deserve a wider audience - some already have a much bigger audience than this silly little blog ever will. The biggest point that it is worth noting is that we all need to do more 'signposting'. This is where at the end of te bog or article you suggest some further reading - I tend to offer my social media but below is brilliant example. It is a truely vital element of mental health awareness, not just leaving your audience to fumble on but to guide them onto other posts or supportive websites. Perhaps you could check out these charities as well as some of my other websites and posts.


SIGNPOSTING - Useful websites and helplines:

  • Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
  • Mind, (I'm a proud member and volunteer) are open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
  • CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) is a registered charity, which exists to prevent male suicide in the UK. Call 0800 58 58 58 or visit thecalmzone.net
  • The Mix is a free advice service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@getconnected.org.uk
  • HopeLine runs a confidential advice helpline if you are a young person at risk of suicide or are worried about a young person at risk of suicide. Mon-Fri 10-5pm and 7pm-10pm. Weekends 2pm-5pm on 0800 068 41 41

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on







Thanks for reading!! - www.MattStreuli.uk 

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Mental Health:How does it affect loved ones? #WSPD

This week my blog features two posts. In the first post, I followed on from last week by looking into the suicide crisis and importantly where is the anger and scandal around it. In this post, my close friend Claire Freeman looks at mental health and suicide from another perspective; a friend or relative watching on and the feeling of being somewhat powerless. 

#WSPD - Post Two

As we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on 10th September it seems time to reflect on everybody who is affected by mental health, including the friends and families supporting their loved ones battling with their mental health illnesses.

It is a sad fact that there just isn’t enough support and care available for mental health and yet surely this is equally important as our physical health? The NHS and supporting charities such as MIND do fantastic work with the financial support and resources that they get but sadly it’s not enough and suicide rates are still too high with one death every 40 seconds. This is leading to pressures on emergency services such as when Police cells are being used as a ‘safe place’ due to a lack of NHS beds.

Being a family member or friend to someone with a mental illness is a difficult, stressful and frustrating situation. Firstly, it will always be a challenge to understand how the person is feeling and it’s a big pressure to try and help. It isn’t always easy to know what the best method of support is and all you want to do is improve the situation for your loved one even when sometimes they won’t or can’t seem to accept that help. They feel like they are a burden and want to shut everyone out to protect them but those on the outside just want to help to make it better.

The next hurdle is actually getting your loved one the help they need and deserve. With rates of suicide as high as they are, prevention rather than just trying to deal with emergencies is the key. Unfortunately, with what seems like a stretched health care system, this help is harder to come by. Counselling, GP appointments, crisis hotlines, hospital beds and medications are all viable and good resources however for most are not available when required. It is either refused completely or a waiting list is too long that it can come too late.

This is proved by an incident that occurred on this week when I was alerted by a woman outside my home screaming and crying. I instantly ran outside to see if I could help and found her on the phone to the emergency services after her brother had tried to take his life. She was distraught. I have never seen anyone so scared, anxious and inconsolable. You could physically see her heart breaking as she tried to get help from the emergency services. As she became angrier, she began venting about how the family had been asking for help and support and had continually been let down. When asking for him to be helped it was never an ‘emergency’. That one word made me feel sick. 

My family and I have personal experience in trying to get help for a loved one suffering with a mental health condition. My Grandad battled Manic Depression, now referred to as Bipolar Disorder, for the majority of his adult life. As a child, I wouldn’t have been aware but as I grew up and became more able to understand, the true nature of living with a mental illness became apparent. I know from speaking to family members that spanning over decades they struggled to get the help that was needed to improve Grandad’s quality of life. His condition was always going to be there but there were periods of time when it became more manageable due to medication etc. However, the threat of suicide had always played a part. This pattern of peaks and troughs with his illness continued throughout his life and when it was bad, it was really bad. I don’t think anyone can comprehend just how lonely and dark the world must seem to feel when the only answer is to leave it. Watching someone you love and care for actually suffer in that manner is heartbreaking. The mixture of emotions and feelings for those who have to watch on is incredible. You are upset that your loved one is hurting, you are angry and frustrated that you can’t help, you are confused as you try to even begin to understand how and why they feel that way. You can see all the positives in their lives. They have a good job, a home, a network of friends and they have you. You adore them so why is that not enough? This is perhaps the hardest part. Being able to accept that whilst they do have all those things they sadly can’t see or feel that when their illness is at its worst. You may love them to the ends of the earth but they can’t understand that because usually, they don’t see why anyone would.

In some ways our family was lucky. Although it took far too long and lots of battling we did get help along the way and the care Grandad did receive was on the whole great. He spent time in hospital on the psychiatric ward with counselling and alternative treatments. He was regularly given medication to try and manage his illness. Although I say we are lucky, is this not what we should expect? If someone had a physical illness such as Diabetes they would receive that care no questions asked. So why when it’s a mental health condition does this seem to be a struggle to get and if received it is felt to be a big win?

As a family, in my opinion, we were let down too often in the end. Grandad was the worse I had ever seen him which was extremely hard to swallow when he had previously been doing really well. So what had changed? His prescription. For some unknown reason when he saw a GP that Doctor made a decision that would affect us all in ways he could never have imagined. Grandad had been better than he had been for a long time. His prescription had been working great so what did this GP do? Changed it. We will never understand why that was deemed appropriate. Surely if something is working for a patient, and they are not harmed by what and the amount of the drugs they are given, you would leave well enough alone. As soon as this was done we were back to square one and the illness became awful for Grandad and for us around him. It was the worst time for all involved as every day was torturous for him and we were helpless to stop it. We started pushing for help again but this time, we were faced with even more struggle to get it. He needed to be in a safe place like a hospital where he could get the right support but instead, he was at home. He was a risk to himself and my Nan, an elderly woman, trying to cope. She lived every day wondering if he would be there still as he made many threats and attempts to his life. Upon calling a crisis line she was told ‘it isn’t an emergency’ because he was only about to hurt himself but he hadn’t yet. When does it become an emergency then? Once they have actually hurt themselves and it is too late? 
evanlavine/flickr

Sadly for our family that was the case and my Grandad did commit suicide. At that point, it was treated as an emergency and suddenly everyone appears to help; Police, NHS, Crisis lines. But it’s all too late. I remember upon hearing the news the expected feeling of upset and grief came over me. However, what I vividly remember was also a sense of anger. Anger at the situation, anger that we couldn’t do more to of helped, anger that when asking for help he didn’t always get it and anger that he had done this and left us to deal with the consequences. Of course the anger towards him soon faded when I considered how awful it must have been for him. People say suicide is selfish because of the impact it has on others but I say is it? When someone makes that decision they are in the worse place they could be, a place most of us will hopefully never have to experience, and feel this is the best for everyone. Whether right or wrong in their logic I think it’s far from selfish. 

This is why when I met that poor young lady on Tuesday my heart went to her. Nearly 10 years after my family battled to get the right preventative action I could see another family experiencing the exact same. Actually, now it is probably worse. We have more people than ever needing the support and care that could prevent families all over the UK from going through what mine did. As I watched on and tried to help this complete stranger, I felt I knew her. I really could put myself in her shoes. Hopefully for that family this will be the ‘emergency’ that will get the young man the help he needs.

flickr / creatinginthedark
Overall the message to take with us all is that at some point it is likely that mental illnesses or suicide will touch our lives in some way. For those who suffer with an illness personally you are not alone even if it may feel that way. Use what energy you have to fight and ask for the help you deserve. Try and let your friends and families in and let them take some of the load. You are not a burden. You are their world. And to those who have a loved one with a mental illness, stay strong and be there even when that person pushes you away. Help them to get counselling or encourage them to go to charity websites such as MIND to get advice on self-help. Try and get that person support early on and don’t feel bad for nagging the health services, they are stretched but they are fantastic at what they do.

Prevention by helping those in need far earlier in their illness could drastically reduce the number of families to experience what mine did. Action needs to be taken by the government to help mental health services with more doctors, counsellors and beds in wards where needed but also to teach self-help in schools etc. and really educate our next generations on how to look after themselves and each other. If we can ensure mental health stops being a taboo, then maybe we have a chance of fighting it more effectively.

Written by Claire Freeman

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Resources for employers and schools can be found at www.time-to-change.org.uk 
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. 
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. 
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here 


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