I Cannot Do 2015 Again

It's over.  2015 c'est fini. Last week I talked about reflecting upon how lucky we are compared to others and how I was trying to be positive. This week, with a funeral to attend, I am in no mood to candy coat it; in essence 2015 nearly killed me, literally, and I cannot do it again.

Obviously I cannot do 2015 again without the use of a TARDIS, although I am sure everyone has things they would love to try and do differently. I literally mean, there is no way I could face a 2016 as bas as my 2015. In June this year, my mental health had become such an issue over the 6-8 months that I tried to kill myself. With my work situation and the stress playing a key part triggering my condition from an occasional thing to a legal disability. In 2015, I went from having a career and being excited and committed to being unfit to work and unable to make most telephone calls. I know it is the last blog of the year and I should reflect on all the good but, perhaps a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, all I can sense is how awful this year has been and therefore the next 12 months shall continue the trend. I've tried to remain positive; reading quotes about courage ad fighting the good fight.
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Together we can defeat MH stigma

I've had a couple of high rating blogs over the past 12 months which do reflect some of the bigger issues and now is a good time to reread them and throw my 'tuppence' in. All of these received hundreds of reads, sometimes hundreds more than I normally get - so thank you for sharing and commenting, Click the title to open and read:
> Blowing Anxiety Away and Accepting Distress
Part of this post was worrying about the UK pondering about hopping in and out of the EU and how that would affect my duel nationality. The rest was looking at some arty farty cloud blowing. I still think it is arty farty but I enjoy mindfulness and thanks to my Godmother, I've even dabbled in Reiki; and that does work.

> What is the Point?
Re-reading this post I seem to be sending some bizarrely mixed signals. It seems I am thriving and better able to live with the pressure easing on me yet that nagging anxiety and suicidal thoughts still plague me. I sometimes feel like this now; overall it is OK and yet I can't help ponder if suicide is an easier option. There is a fantastic poem at the bottom of that post which should answer that thought.

> Mental Health is like Diabetes
I really like this blog. It reads quite well despite how I confused and panicked I remember feeling around that time. The overall point still stands and it is something I would like to emphasise and revisit: all of mental health is a spectrum. It is equally like Diabetes given that when under control, we can all live happy and fulfilling lives.
I love my friends and family.
They have kept me alive
A shoutout to my twitter/tumblr
friends too who have held my hand

> Closing the Door
It was around this time I went from being upset to feeling anger and also a sense of injustice. As I have argued throughout the past few months of my blog, mental health is legally equal to physical health. Reading this again reminds me of how hurt and betrayed I felt. The law appears to be on my side but time will tell.

> The Mental Health Fight - MOST BLOG VIEWS IN 2015
When I wrote this I literally wanted to give a brief overview of my story thus far and then review a fantastic project providing distractions to those like myself who can spiral into black patches. Writing honestly and openly not only fights the stigma surround mental health but also helps me understand, rationalise and process where I am and how I feel. This post was summary and included key themes such as my alcoholic mother, my interview on LBC Radio this year, discrimination and my suicide attempt. I am proud to be where I am. It has been so F##KING hard.

> I have a disability - MOST HUFF POST VIEWS
This was a gateway into a eye-opening article I wrote for the Huffington Post. I've received some amazing feedback through emails, my recently updated website and places like tumblr; yet I post and print screen of some amazing feedback on that post. It makes me feel I have achieved something and I'm not failing at life. Having a disability means I'm succeeding in survival. The linked HuffPost article is my personal favourite.
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I have come soo far and there were some good times in 2015 too. There is a video with a few fun moments at the very bottom.


Thank you once again for all your support - please follow me in all the right places on social media and share the link to this blog.

A big thank you to all my friends and
family for putting up with me. You are stars
So before I conclude with another shameless plug for the pantomime I starring in (4 weeks away!!) and I share some pictures and videos of 2015.

I'd love for you to comment here and share what your favourite post of 2015 has been.

Was it a blog post or perhaps something on my twitter, instagram or Tumblr? Comment and links are below.


Here comes 2016... Best of Luck.

I'm Matt. I'm 26 and I write a mental health blog and articles for the Huffington Post. I'm also the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks. I host The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio and live near West London.
Videos: YouTube.com/MattStreuli
Twitter : @mattstreuli
IG: instagram.com/p/_hk9w9AiBS/
Tumblr : mattstreuli.tumblr.com/
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Hope you had a Safe and Merry Christmas
Need help? In the UK, call Samaritans free on 116 123. Alternatively, further information plus legal support lines are available from MIND, the mental health charity, at www.mind.org.uk 


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