Everything was pretty good. Well, it still is but last
weekend was really good. Two more episodes of our popular (when compared to
herpies) podcast OFF THE RADAR are in the editing suite and despite an
ill-planned trip to a car hire shop good progress has been made with our
holiday to France. Earlier this week I
even broached the subject of my mental health with my line manager who saw that
I was on 40mg per day of Fluoxetine
(also known as Prozac) and that she knew of people on them too. Perhaps this
could be offered as evidence that the stigma of mental health is but a veil and
underneath it we all have some understanding which we should mean we have no reason to be embarrassed
or wary.
Last Thursday I had a telephone appointment with someone
from the Berkshire Mental Health Services Team who had obviously read notes
from previous ‘interviews’ as he asked some very well worded and relevant
questions. After around 30 minutes he said that my case would be discussed within
a team and then it would be taken from there, but 6 days on and I have not heard
anything as yet. Some of the questions were to rule out other conditions for
example whether I had other voices than my own in my head or if I was scared of
the knives in my kitchen drawer.
Part of me wants to make light of this and can see the
comedy potential: perhaps life would be more fun if my cutlery did foxtrot across the
stove. At the same time, mental health is a serious condition. Avid
followers on my instagram will have seen the recent The Sun newspaper cutting
with the story of how suicide is the highest cause of death of males in my age
group. “Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with
personal trauma” is a quote attributed
to the late Robin Williams however I also find it can be a way of
putting the other person at ease. By making a joke suddenly there is no
awkwardness in the conversation and having a laugh can be good fun.
What I am struggling to find any humour in is the nervous
feeling that’s been hovering around me. I first noticed it yesterday when my
leg was twitching. This isn’t new per se but I normally do it when hyper or stressed
or dosed up on my favourite brand of energy drinks. Then at home I just started
to feel on edge. Despite feeling tired I found it hard to go asleep and when I
did sleep, it wasn’t as deep or long as I would normally enjoy – if you know
what I mean ;). Remember that feeling
outside the headteacher’s room when you called a classmate a ‘bitch’ because she
used a ruler without your permission (true story!) or the butterflies of
confronting an angry customer in your first job? I have nothing to be worrying
about, nothing new anyway, and yet here I am leg twitching, wrapping myself in
my coat. My big sister, Claire, had a quick research into my medication and
anxiety is a documented side-effect which is a bummer. I’ve been really
enjoying being quite good and relatively level with a few ups but why can’t I
have anything nice?
And the worst side-effect of any mental health conditions
is: is this me or is it the condition? Should I be worrying about not hearing
from the Berkshire Mental Health team or is it just being anxious?
It is actually quite scary living life at stressed out red alert speed.
“Quick, we’re running out of time!!” “We’ve got to complete the bucket list now”
It is actually quite scary living life at stressed out red alert speed.
“Quick, we’re running out of time!!” “We’ve got to complete the bucket list now”
“Get me dolphin!” “quick quick, will room service have one?
Dolphin, bath tub, swim QUICKLY!”
So if anyone wants to hold me and gently rock me to sleep or
could go through some mediation techniques with me, then perhaps I can chill
out….
Deeeep breaths….
Finally, we have a new segment on our comedy podcast; OffThe Radar. It doesn’t have a name as such mainly because it’s shit but it is
soo shit it is good fun – like Eurovision or your face*. In this segment Mr Lee
Hall and Mr Aidan Parr dictate a message to an unsuspecting member of
Match.com. So if you have received a rather silly message from me – please do
reply and play along and please accept my apologies if it has scared you off in
anyway.
Perhaps it won’t surprise you to know that to date we have sent two messages and received zero replies.
Perhaps it won’t surprise you to know that to date we have sent two messages and received zero replies.
What message would you send using my Match.com profile? What
methods do you use to chillax? Let me know in the comments below.
Be good, have fun and
goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeEeeeEeee
*LOL, burns unit!
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