Ribena's Star Trek Drink

I am writing to express my confusion.

I bought a bottle of Ribena’s new Pineapple & Passion Fruit juice drink which I would like to say that on the whole was very nice.

However, the bottle is labelled as such:
“We’re sure you’re going to love the refreshingly intense fruity flavour of this new exotic juice drink” – You are right. I did enjoy it very much.
“Take one sip and find yourself instantly transported to a tropical island paradise” – Much to my dismay I was not.

I hurried from the Shell petrol station, just off the North Orbital Road in Denham, back to my desk. On one hand the drink which is “Rich in Vitamin C” would help combat my cold which has been really annoying me this week. On the other hand I would much rather be in a “tropical island paradise” than stuck at my desk with my life slowly ticking away.

After a sip, I opened my eyes to  see my computer screen still there glaring back at me. Thinking that perhaps my ‘larger frame’ might require more transportation power than the ‘one sip’ the test subjects required. So, I glugged back the entire bottle. And waited.

It has now been 30 minutes and apart from a visit to the toilets I have not been transported anyway. Let alone a paradise tropical or otherwise.

That being said I did like your drink very much. Perhaps you could provide me with the exact amount or process required to reach the aforementioned paradise.

With Regards,

Matt Literally.

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