Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts

No one has committed suicide in England or Wales since 1961

It may seem like the most clickbait of titles but I can assure it is 100% true. Since Summer 1961 not a single person has committed suicide. Yet in 2019 5,691 people took their own lives.

According to statistics from 2016, the United Kingdom is 109th in the World Health Organisation’s rankings of suicide figures out of 189 nations. Records from the Office for National Statistics show that between 1981 and 2019 a staggering 200,711 people ended their own lives. On average, 75% were male. [1]

Mental ill health is responsible for 72 million working days lost and costs £34.9 billion each year. [2] I’ve even spoken about my own mental health and how I survived suicide on national TV.

Given the horrible records, how can anyone claim that no one has committed suicide?
To answer that question we need to go back to the start - or as close as we can. In your mind travel back to 967 AD. Edgar the Peaceful, King of England, has been on the throne for 8 years after the last Viking King flees to the North. He’s a deeply religious fellow and works closely with Dunstan who lead the ‘10th Century Reformation’ as the Archbishop of Canterbury. Dunstan himself would later become a Saint. History records that King Edgar would take a yearly tour of his realm to ensure that his law was being upheld. History seems to remember him favourably.

His laws were recorded in Ecclesiastical history in the Charters of Abingdon Abbey – given his positive connections to the Church and that generally only ‘men of the cloth’ were literate we can imagine why. It was a law in 967 – which I’ve been unable to directly find without a paywall – that King Edgar is perhaps the first to make “self murder” a crime. His law made is clear that anyone who died from suicide would forfeit their estate and lands to the feudal lord which made suicide a felony.

Perhaps it was just a way to make money? A few hundred years later Thomas Aquinas, later a Saint himself, would document his views as scholar and an authority on religion. He felt that the Christian God had created humanity in his image as a gift and therefore killing that gift would be a little bit insulting. The commandments state that “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and so suicide would be a literal breach of the law handed down by god. [3]

It is fascinating how religion and law have become so entwined. This isn’t unique to English history either. The oldest appears to date to 1937 BC in Egypt a tale was being told where a man considering suicide is having a conversation with his soul who fears that suicide will leave the soul lost where “goodness is rejected everywhere”. [4]

With so many cultures and religions angered by the concept, it became enshrined in law on an almost universal scale. In England and Wales it was the Church who had this commandment in their law book which overtime became Common Law. Over the Centuries this has appeared in different ways. Churches would reject burials and certain rites for those who have taken their own lives. In Medieval England, tales of secret midnight secret burials, sometimes at crossroads partly due to the stigma around how the person died. This stigma of shame, embarrassment and humiliation stirred throughout history with many people being refused burial rites following suicide into the 20th Century.

With secret funerals and stigma, entire family members would vanish from history becoming unspoken gaps. Some people felt embarrassed of their familial connection whilst others truly believe that suicide was a sign of demonic possession. The concept of a burial at crossroads seem to stem from the idea that the passing traffic would somehow prevent those evil spirits rising from the grave. [5]

The fear of mental health and suicide is evident whenever you hear the world “asylum” something the horror film industry used inadvertently perpetuating more stigma. In 1914 there were over 100,000 patients in around 120 mental health institutions. The nearest to my home is St Bernard’s Hospital which was previously known as the Middlesex County Lunatic Asylum. Much of it still exists albeit as NHS offices and part of Ealing General Hospital. Like many Asylums, the buildings strike fear looking more like prison than welcoming treatment facility. When you look at facilities like these, leeching fear and discrimination into the community, they seem to mirror the historic feelings towards mental health. It is easy to understand why self-murder was a punitive offence. [5]

Records show that even in the early 1700s, a coroner’s inquest would rule around 90% of suicides finding the victim guilty of felo de se – committing a felony against themselves; suicide. The punishment would be complete forfeit to the Crown. However as the century passed, beliefs moved away from evil spirits towards more medical explanations. Juries ruled the suicides as non compos mentis which meant there was no criminal offence and would allow a simple Christian burial, often at night. [6]

First published in 1759, Adam Smith’s The Theory of Moral Sentiments questions and documents the turning opinion of the times: "If your situation is upon the whole disagreeable... walk forth by all  means. But walk forth without repining; without murmuring or complaining. Walk forth calm, contented, rejoicing, returning thanks to the Gods, who from their infinite bounty, have opened the safe and quiet harbour of death, at all times ready to receive us from the stormy ocean of human life… "
By 1800 over 97% of suicides were ruled in this non-criminal way, acknowledging the person’s long term struggle with what we would call mental health and this continued into the 1900s. [7]

Following the Criminal Justice Act in 1948, probation rather than imprisonment became the norm. There were exceptions. Edward French plead guilty to attempted suicide in 1955 and was sentenced to two years imprisonment because the evidence showed he made a serious sane attempt to end his life. The data for those trying to take their life, attempted suicide, is rather patchy prior to the 1960s. "One reason why so many suicidal attempts fail to reach the ears of the English Police is that it is against medical ethics for a physician to report them" Glanville Williams said. In the years 1952 to 1956 over 1800 people were sentenced to a probation order while 194 were imprisoned. The total number of people convicted of an attempted suicide during this period was 2,922. [7] How many others escaped ‘justice’?

During the Parliamentary Debate for the Suicide Bill in July 1961, the idea of treatment over punishment was endorsed across the political spectrum. Viscount Kilmuir spoke of “medical or therapeutic” treatment while the only documented disagreement was on whether the treatment be made compulsory.

Since the 1950s Asylums, the authoritarian, crumbling and cruel scheme, transitioned into a more supportive and nurturing care in the community scheme. I should note that the care in community isn’t perfect and we are now severely under-resourced when it comes to supporting those who need inpatient or even ‘day care’ support.   

A memo from Norman Brook, a Cabinet Secretary to Harold Macmillan from 24th October 1960 notes that there were believed to be 30,000 attempted suicides each year with around 600 being prosecuted and found guilty. “It seems to be the general opinion, both in the medical profession and in the courts, that these people be better dealt with outside the criminal law – as the majority already are.”

After a handful of discussions, often unnoticed in a world occupied with the Cold War, Royal Assent was given at 6:31pm on 3rd August 1961. Within hours a Home Office memo was sent to every Chief Constable that “it will no longer be an offence to commit suicide.”

Suicide rates steadily declined between 1963 and 1975. [8] By the early 1980s, the figures are around 5,700 [1]. Rather than decreasing the value of life, decriminalising suicide decreased the stigma and the rate of suicide by starting to make care and treatment easier to access.

The reason for writing this article is twofold:
Firstly, it is an interesting bit of trivia: that no one has committed suicide since 3rd August 1961 because suicide was no longer a crime anyone could commit. However, the main point is to show and emphasise how language and our choice of words can have such a profound impact.

Whenever someone uses the phrase ‘commits suicide’, it stirs up that fear and hatred. It scares people that they will be detained in some horror film asylum for attempted self-murder rather than being the kindness, understanding and compassion they deserve and need.  To me, ‘commit suicide’ is like nails on a chalkboard.

I try to highlight to people that while they are using a common phrase, it is deeply hurtful and actually causes more harm than good. Some people prefer the phrase ‘completed suicide’ although I prefer ‘took/ended their own life’.

People with mental health issues, thinking about suicide or not, are not criminals.
Work by Mind, a leading mental health charity I am proud to be a member of, shows that people with mental health issues are three times more like to be a victim of crime than the general population. [9] An article from The Lancet in 2020 stated “People with mental illness are much more often the victims of violence rather than the perpetrators.”  It goes onto say “It is clear that cuts in mental health service expenditure in England in the past decade have led to a reduced quality of overall care”.

Whether you hear it, see it or read it – I ask you remember this article and challenge it. Just as we would not accept homophobic, racist or sexist remarks. We all need to politely challenge the discrimination and say “No, No-one commits suicide”.

 

Thank you for reading my article. Please feel free to share it and consider reading some of my other posts.
Matt Streuli is a mental health writer and Mental Health First Aid Instructor. By day, he is a Secretary in the NHS. He lives with his Wife, two cats and is expecting his first child this May.

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2019registrations
[2] https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/publications/mental-health-work-business-costs-ten-years
[3] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/thomas-aquinas/
[4] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/category/author/egyptian-didactic-tale/
[5] Julie Mathias, “Victorian Attitudes Towards Self-Murder”, Curious Histories (blog on oldoperatingtheatre.com), November 11th, 2016.
[6] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513543/
[7] https://etheses.lse.ac.uk/1573/1/U136493.pdf
[8] G. M. G. McClure, Changes in Suicide in England and Wales 1960-1997, British Journal of Psychiatry.
[9] https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/our-policy-work/victims-of-crime/
[10] https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(20)30002-5/fulltext




Scented Candles and #SelfCare

Human nature seems to like maintaining the status quo however when that is the routine deaths of 100,000 people each year linked to issues with mental health care, I can’t help feeling something can and should change.

Whilst the male suicide rate was at its lowest in 2017 (since 1981 when the Office for National Statistics started) it is still the biggest killer of men from their teens to the time they should get their bus pass. In 2017, 5,821 people ended their own lives. 4,382 (75.3%) of those were male.


There are many ways to tackle this and different organisations are taking different multi-pronged approaches. In fact this week sees the Mind Media Awards which does a fantastic job of promoting sensible and careful conversation of mental health in the press or on films and TV. It also rewards those programmes, journalists and producers who undertake this difficult conversation and encourage people to talk and seek help. I was very proud to be on the shortlisting panel for the awards for a third year running and as ever found it a rewarding, enlightening and humbling experience. You can watch the event live via the Mind website.


One of the prongs to tackle this killer is the idea of self-care. In the ever hectic world where stress is the biggest cause of absence at work, helping people make healthier decisions can not just save the NHS millions or decrease your waist size but actually steer people away from the edge. The image of having a relaxing bath, or sitting still for 5 minutes of calm with candle or wax melt can at first feel quite… ladylike. But why should there be anything wrong with looking after your mind if it’s OK to look after your body? 


I asked on twitter: When was the last time you did nothing? Just focused on a raindrop, sat still, silently noticing the world around and what your senses' sense?

Every vote was either 'Rarely' or 'Never'.


One of the ways I practise self-care is to sit still and practise some simplified mindfulness with a wax melt or a candle to focus on. How does it smell? Can you see the flicker of the flame or the wisps of fragrance raise from the pool? Taking 5 minutes to notice these things allows your body and mind to reset from the chaos that is your pinging emails, buzzing text messages and banging of children or telephones. 


Below is a video review for Pick N Melt who reached out to me and given the nature of my blog and social media wanted my view on their products. The Mrs-to-be and I adore a Yankee Candle so went in with high hopes. It would be nice to spend some money on craft-made UK candles and wax melts? 


I have been blown away by the beautiful scents available and how well the fragrance remains. I've used big brand wax melts before and ended up with 'scent-less' wax lining my bin after a few hours but the 'Seville Orange' has been going for almost 35 hours now and it still smells like we've zested our own fruits right there. It's not overpowering but it is strong and lasts really well. I'm really impressed with the value of money their monthly subscription pack provides - a perfect gift for Christmas or for you to share with your friends and promote a bit of #selfcare.  #BeTheMateYoudWant.

Thanks for reading! Please share, subscribe and comment. Why not have a look at some past popular posts I've linked below!?



June 2017 Collage

Each month on my re-booted blog, I'm collating a collage.

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I'm going to show a selection of things from my radar and throwback to past posts on my blog. Comment with your favourite and with your suggestions for next month's collage















#ProudChairman   #Where'sMyOBE

We've come far but still men silently suffer suicide

In 1973, security at the BBC took 3 hours to decide whether to let in an invited interview guest for Radio 4's TODAY programme who, as a patient himself, was founding a union for mental health patients. In 1974 the US Civil Service finally backed down and removed the question "Have you ever been mentally ill?" from Government employment forms. Only a few years earlier had the fearsome US mental institutions we now picture in nightmares had started to close after a court had ruled it was unjust to make inmates patients work for free. With the economic issues in the UK, institutes were closed but this was abandoning and leaving people without the education or just simply too ill to survive or thrive in Thatcher's Britain.
A 1970s Office at the Cambridge Museum of Computing

Poor +ashens -  Click for full screen!
It took 66 years from the first powered flight to humanity landing on the moon. The pace of advancement is amazing. In 1976 the Queen sent her first email. A few years later the Commodore PET appears with an amazing 8KB of memory. Here we are 40 years later and I'm typing this blog on a laptop which is smaller, lighter, half the price (ignoring inflation) with 8GB of RAM. In 40 years humanity's advancement means my computer is cheaper and has a mind boggling 1,048,576 times the memory. Our advancement also means I get several hundred more emails a week than Queenie did in 1976 with over 70% of them landing in my spam folder for their 'unique' content.

In 2015, more than half the ambulance call-outs to York university students are for self harm. Tabloids no longer shout about teenage pregnancy rates but instead that more teens are self-harming than ever before. In my last post I explained how some unfair and extremely rude behaviour nearly pulled down all my progress in my own EUPD/BPD battles.
"It’s morally repugnant to neglect mental health, but it is also economically stupid, with its cost to the economy. The fact is, we’re not smart on how we spend money. We spend a fortune, rather than preventing it at the start.” - Norman Lamb MP
Click images to view full screen
Over the past decade, the trend has become more and more pronounced; more young men are dying by than own hand than through drugs, traffic accidents or heart disease. For UK women, suicide rates dropped over the 1960s and into the 1970's and have stayed steadily low even dropping slightly lower. Suicide rates for UK men slightly dropped in the 1970s, partially credited due to cleaner engine exhausts, but steadily grew since creating the large gap between men and women. According to the World Health Organisation data, UK women have their lowest suicide rate ever whilst our men have shown little improvement compared to 40 or even 60 years ago.

More young men are dying by than own hand than through drugs, traffic accidents or heart disease.

In other news... we now have two cats! Video below!
Why is there a gap? How has the fight become so lopsided?
 Or are Women just better when it comes to mental health or the stress of our modern world than men?
Are they better are confronting it, handling it and as such discussing it?
in the medical community, you would never deny a diabetic his insulin.” - Kristen Bell, Actress who plays Princess Anna in Frozen and has Depression and Anxiety.
Join @bluesmudge and
@mattstreuli on twitter
I simply have no idea. I just know we need to do more. Please use this chance to flick back through the past weeks of my blog; you can see the most viewed articles in the left-hand sidebar which feature my own battles with depression, self-harm, anxiety, workplace discrimination, speaking in the media and public and being diagnosed with a mental health illness. Would my story been drastically different if I didn't have a penis? Or is it just that society may of treated me slightly differently and I may have been more willing to seek help sooner? I read the blogs and watch the vlogs of fellow mental health advocates (such as Laura's vlog below), sometimes with some envy at how well they can express and articulate their feelings, story and situation. My GCSEs and A Levels tell me that I am a smart enough person but is there something in my male nature or my nurture that prevents me and my fellow men from achieving the same? Or do we not generate the same response from the media or public? Is this discussion sexist for suggesting that women are better at emotional regulation or discussing and resolving mental health issues than men? I don't mean to cause offense but the evidence is all repeated in stats and graphs all over my blog.

PLEASE Comment here or on my facebook page with your thoughts.
Is now the time for local "Time to Change" action groups to just simply highlight the matter and signpost the options for everyone? Including the silently suicidal men?


Just before I go, thank you to everyone who has clicked DONATE below - every penny really helps. As you may of seen from my social media, links below, I have my first professional feature-length acting role and I'm excited to share it with you. You can see more here: DOGGED 

paypal.me/mattstreuli

 
A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on


It is OK to suffer... as long as you talk about it

I really struggled with what to write this week. Generally I am quite happy. Everything is slowly going my way.
Fantastic friends help bring joy to life

 Except it isn't. Life is full of little snags and I just don't understand why it is these morsels of injustice that infuriate me so.

For example a local road to me, used by 8000 vehicles a day is to be blocked, closed, by the neighbouring council. Why? Said neighbour has been promised funds from major infrastructure projects that need the adjacent land and the road closed. Nearby roads are jammed at rush hour but they are sure an extra 8000 cars, vans and HGVs will make little difference. Why should local people have to suffer for a greater good? Why couldn't a reasonable compromise of new relief roads etc be offered instead it has to be demanded and rioted for? Why is it unfair that those with money get what they want?
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Cats have such an easy life but they
 overflow with love and empathy
Sometimes we have to accept what we have. Sometimes we have to try and make the best from a bad situation. Its hard to accept because life is unfair. However, mental health is very fair as every has it. It doesn't care how well adjusted or wealthy you might be. It never discriminates against culture, religion or creed.

Prince Harry was 12 when his mother suddenly died. I was 13 when my alcoholic mother died. Loosing a mother is a horrible impact on every child no matter the circumstance and it is completely reasonable for said child to suffer and need support and help.

Prince Harry said he had not discussed his mother's death until three years ago. "I really regret not talking about it," he said. "For the first 28 years of my life, I never talked about it."


 "It is OK to suffer, but as long as you talk about it. It is not a weakness. Weakness is having a problem and not recognising it and not solving that problem."

And Talking is part of that fight. The fight against stigma, the fight for free and equal mental health. "Everyone can suffer from mental health issues, whether you're a member of the royal family, whether you're a soldier, whether you're a sports star,"
Star Trek tickets 4 and 5! w/ @Blue_Smudge
Events in my life that before would of been a full on black patch are now a quick wobble. Part of it is how I have developed but the biggest part is asking and getting support I truly needed. Last week I made a phone call, a stressful one too, something I would of panicked about in the past. I have even stood my ground and made sensible complaints and arguments when I have felt that I am in the right, in the past I would of buckled. We have the power within to choose how we fight our battles, whether we do the right thing and work with our friends and family by asking for help or whether we let our fear and anger consume us like Captain Edison.

When you compare how far I have come in 7 months, and how far you have come, you see that some months is a uphill struggle but every step is progress - even if it feels like you've been going in circles. Every day is getting there. As Coldplay said in Up & Up: "Don't Ever Give Up".

Easier said than done. I know. I've felt it too
 "If you suffer from mental health problems, there's too often not enough help to hand. "             - RT Hon Theresa May PM



A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on






http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/147789651437/hplyrikz-clear-your-mind-here

Up&Up

Where does time go?
Welcome to my new look blog! I've spent the last day or two tweaking its facade as everything needs a refresh from time to time; so welcome to it. Unless of course you are new to my blog and didn't see the last look - I mean you are still welcome but it is all new. Or perhaps you are visiting in the far future and the blog has gone through one or more updates still. Either way, I'll wipe the dribble from my chin and welcome all of you to my blog.

If you are new to the story, or just in need of a recap, I'm Matt. I'm 26 and lucky enough to live in my own flat with my cat and my girlfriend who has just moved in. We met as teenagers and drifted apart over senior school until a few months ago our paths crossed again. Despite being apart our paths have similar parallels. I mostly blog about my adventures and battles in life; the biggest one being with my mental health. My diagnosis has evolved since my teenage years from Depression to Bipolar Disorder to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and most recently onto EUPD or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Depending on the specialist and their field of study there is some debate over nature and nurture as to the source of my mental illness. Perhaps it is inherited or it is the breakdown of my parents' marriage when I was 7 and 8 which lead me into being the sole carer for my alcoholic Mother until her demise when I was 13. I've had good and bad: I've achieved 12 GCSEs and 3 A Levels but I have also suffered from Workplace Discrimination.

Whether you have just joined us or you've read a few of my past posts (or you are a star and read them all including clicking on adverts hehe!) then you can see how understanding mental illness has been a key part of my life. At times it has lead me into darkness - my suicide attempt a year ago and the scars I bear from past Self-Harm. In other times it has given me power and strength - I've written for The Guardian, spoken publicly on stigma and discrimination in workplaces for charities on mental health and stress. It even helped introduce me and connect me to my partner. For quite a while now, I've dabbled with the thought of a tattoo until on Saturday a chance tweet from my best friend Aidan ended up in the three of us getting the Semicolon Tattoo.
"The semicolon is used when a sentence could have ended, but didn't."

Post continues below video: 


Within 90 seconds the permanent, matching and deeply meaningful marks were done. They still need a bit of care with some moisturiser but they look pretty good - except for the obvious shaved patch where my tattoo lives! I felt incredibly anxious about the pain which is why I needed the group mentality to ever do it but like with so many things I over worry about - it wasn't all that bad. Caroline, my girlfriend, is interested in more but I have no intentions.

When I'm not blogging, I am the proud Chairman of a local drama club which helps install confidence and social or community ethics into our youth - as it did for me. I like to make a few YouTube videos, mostly of drama shows and unboxings. I also present a weekly radio show as well as stop the chaos as a Lollipop Man. Recently, thanks to the support of my amazing Lady, I have become more active in a local primary school which has included making snails from pipe cleaners and pruning the outdoor area while on a treasure hunt.

 Initially I was petrified of any big working commitment. As I've mentioned in previous weeks - why risk what I have now? Whether you look at my mental or physical health, I am better today than I have been for years although having no full time job or support in state benefits means the contrary for my bank balance. Just a few days here and there at the school and instead of being overwhelmed or flooded with depression and anxiety, I find myself excited to be there more and sad when I'm not. Even if it is just supervising or hovering around, our youngsters are bright and imaginative each with a unique personality of cheekiness and charm. I've been with Caroline to a few open days on teaching and Primary Education and I can tell you that despite it being a slightly bizarre world, it is a beautiful and intelligent one.

I've prattled on enough for one post so as one youngster said to me recently: "Zip it!"
#TheCheek! #Kids...who'dhave'em!

Oh and I didn't even mention how amazing Coldplay were - big thanks to my Bestie Aidan for organising that fantastic event. Their latest single is Caroline and my current favourite - hence the title for this week. With Caroline potentially off to Uni and I'm getting better and well enough to volunteer more and more - things are going Up and Up.

Thank you for reading, sharing and clicking all over my blog. Please do have a look at the links above and the social media fun below.
You are stars! xx



A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on






BPD to EUPD with face paint and a Go-Pro

UPDATE: See breaking news from local paper: http://m.bucksfreepress.co.uk/


Sometimes, like last week when I spoke on Depression Awareness week, I end up on a passionate rant or essay about the crisis we face with mental health and the services currently struggling to cope. Other times this blog is quite theraputic of how I feel or can feel like just a diary of someone with a mental illness.

Credit to Rethink Mental Illness: BPD/EUPD Factsheet
Last week my Psychologist gave me a letter detailing a medical report he had completed for an insurance claim I have. In it my diagnosis has morphed from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) to EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder) and I don't like it. Last year I wrote here about how I struggled to accept the BPD label, feeling it was my soul and essence, my personality, that causes all the problems rather than the way I process thoughts, emotions and situations. It took a long time to digest and accept.

In England, EUPD and BPD are almost interchangeable. To me, they sound like they mean two different things. Borderline Personality Disorder, at first glance, to my mind means your mind doesn't quite process things properly; it isn't quite normal but its on the borderline. Whereas Emotionally Unstable creates a first thought image of someone being happy one minute, sad the next and jealous the other. My imagination creates a robot with a malfunction Emotions Chip. However, my calm logically thinking is reminding me that either case it is just a name and does not define my future just helps to explain my situation.

Talking with people is a key part of my work with Time To Change, a campaign run by charities MIND and Rethink Mental Illness with the support of Comic Relief and the Department of Health. Over the weekend, I was at the Beaconsfield Beer Festival and whilst it took some time to psych myself up and use mindfulness and my medication to keep anxiety at bay, I had a really good time chatting with the public and my fellow Champions; Alice, Claire and Angela. One man, who looked very young for his advancing years, told me how he first encountered mental health. Whilst working abroad long term he developed very painful back spasms. After scans and examinations the American Doctor told him there was nothing physically wrong and so the problem was 'in his head'. Perhaps a not-so politically correct way of saying it but his stress and mental health were adversely affecting his physically health. Over the course of the day we spoke with around 50 people in total and large proportion were male. Almost everyone knew someone close or had a mental illness but not as many as I hoped had heard of Time to Change - or of course read my blog!

After the outing to the Beer festival I joined the team back at Drama HQ to see how they were getting on with our loft storage clean out. The work they had done was amazing and I felt quite guilty for not being there all day but I guess a virtue of my rank is that I can occasionally delegate! :P You can find out more about my work for the drama club on the news page of www.ihdc.co.uk which I also author.

In the past few days, I received a letter from the Department of Work and Pensions who acknowledged the many letters sent to them but, yet again, despite my health issues I do not qualify for support. I must of forgotten that is was the disabled who caused the financial crash and thusly it is fair we suffer for it. #Sarcasm

Somethings have changed from last week. I've tried Irn Bru for the first time and actually really liked it. It's ruby red to me for all those synesthesia fans.
Somethings however do not change and for me it is that sense of frustration. Talking to my Psychologist makes it seem like anger. Whilst anger is a good word, there is no violence towards it.

My current 'bug bear' is to do with my work as a 'lollipop man'. It frustrates and antagonises me to see people drive like idiots or break minor laws and get away with it. Part of my fear is the idea that if they do not get 'caught' or 'punished' then they will continue the dangerous and illegal behavior which then probably encourages others to follow suit. This is why I do make  reports for vehicles failing to stop for me as a I enter or leave the road. If you are are wondering what a lollipop man is or what the signals all mean, I do have a special page with more info here. On one hand, the frustration is too much; it is out of my control and I should let it go. On the other hand, the behaviour of some drivers is putting lives, including mine at risk. Below is a video take this week by my small 'action camera' attached to the shaft of my Lollipop sign. In short, a taxi stops allowing a school teacher to get halfway across the road. Then, while I am still in the middle of the road, they proceed to drive off at some speed. The video is below with a link to highlights from one patrol I did the week before. If the drivers actually got fined for failing to stop and driving whilst on their phones, that could actually pay not only for me to sort and edit the 'Lollipop Cam' footage but also fill in a few pot holes whilst making our roads the safer. It really frustrates me that people get away with it.

If that frustration is one side of EUPD, then how about crying at Penny proposing to Leonard and they actually got engaged on Big Bang Theory!? Yeah... I cried. #Soppy

Still... Life Goes On...

Video link : https://youtu.be/Aobi0gPqHYM

Thank your for reading and sharing my blog. Remember to tune into my radio show every Thursday night (info on my Twitter!) and like and share the media things below... byeee!




Join me at Katrina's and Mark's OPEN MIC NIGHT at The Three Steps, Cowley every 2nd and 4th Thursday from 8pm!




A Chance to Change the World - yet I still think about Suicide... Typical.

Yes! That's me!
Picture with thanks to Twitter/Laurenmclcreate
My mind felt on edge. I'd taken my meds and planned my route, even looking at it on Google StreetView. As I walked past 221b Baker Street (which doesn't technically exist) my mind still wanted to run away. "I could just step into the road" is a thought my brain kept popping up over my shoulder as buses past me.  This is the first day of the UK's inaugural Youth Health Parliament. A keen initiative to bring together people from across the Healthcare Sector into looking at the big problems we are facing today and what policies we can find and campaign on; hopefully bringing change and saving lives.

Soon enough I was at the London Business School on the edge of Regent's Park in Central London. After a cup of tea and relying on my acting skills, I buried my anxieties and actually said "Hello". I guess you could call it networking. Talking to an assistant in a shop can make me feel flustered so I'm quite proud of myself. Everyone I met was kind, friendly and passionate - oh and equally cynical as me!

There were some incredible speeches come lectures from people in PR, through to former Government advisors and a panel of experts on the current frontiers of the NHS. By lunchtime we had found two major problems. Firstly, our population is aging. Soon we will have more 'pensioners' than ever before. It is not just a question of how to treat them all in crisis or in a preventative way but also gaining, training and maintaining an already overwhelmed workforce with limited budgets. The second issue is mental health. For reasons I covered last week and throughout my blog, we are living in a time of crisis.
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In the afternoon we had split into sub-committees and it would seem that I am the only 'service user' in the team. Everyone else works in the healthcare sector, either in Pharmaceutical or the NHS. I am proud to have been 'elected' as the Communications Officer for the Mental Health Committee and we are looking at policies to not only fight the stigma surrounding mental health, something I've discussed on this blog before, but also offer earlier intervention. Despite suicide being a bigger killer than cancer there is too little effort into 'early intervention' or detection. As I mentioned last week: it's all too easy for those in power to let patients kill themselves while waiting for treatment.  
 Please do follow our Youth Health Parliament Mental Health Committee Twitter!

Fun with friends at
Alice's Treehouse
 I know I shouldn't be a pessimist, but I am. My mind is conditioned that sometimes life isn't even worth the challenge of trying to achieve something but hearing the views and energy of the speakers and my fellow members of Parliament, I really think we could bang on the doors of power with a reasonable, practical yet life saving change to mental health across the UK. In the comments below, I'd be interested to hear if you have come across any 'early help' aside from having to be referred by a GP and waiting up to two years for help or the crisis support. To those of you outside the sphere of mental health; Yes, it really is this bad. Imagine breaking your arm and being told the waiting list for plaster casts is two years.

Speaking to my fellow committee members reminds to once again thank my friends and family for their support and love. I sometimes take it for granted how horrible it must be to read this blog or how difficult it must be to try and understand or imagine my mind. If nothing else, I hope this blog and my work on social media help you understand what's in my head - not that I do!

Finally my Psychologist has agreed to join the campaign to try and appeal the decision not to give me PIP, which is the current disability benefit. Along with my friends and family, we are all writing to the 'Department of Work and Pensions'. Last week I ranted about how I have worked and contributed to the system yet found myself abandoned when I've asked for aid. In my meeting with my Dr he asked about my suicidal thoughts.

Life is such a battle and I'm really jealous. You all seem to be winning. With a smile too. - Life is a battle : My blog from August 2015

When we compare who I am today, to where I was around the time of my suicide attempt last June, I am very much on the road to recovery. Yet, I still have episodes where I want to die. They don't have quite the impact they used to but I've grown so accustomed I don't even think to mention them. It made me look back through my blog at how suicidal I have felt and why I keep planning for my own death.  To quote that post: "Suicide is the only way I can take control. It is the only way I can decide how tall that cliff face is."   For the most part, it is still true but not as intense a drive - more controllable.

Apologies to everyone who prefers my rants, a little bit diary-esq this week!,  but I implore you to put your email address in the box on the top left to receive a little alert letting you know I've posted. Also, please do follow my Facebook page where I try to offer advice and a different insight which I've embedded below the usual twitter and instagram antics below. Every view, like, share and ad click makes a big difference - so thank you.

PLEASE so scroll to the very bottom, enjoy the tweets, and click an advert! xx

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on


How do you support friends and family through mental illness? What messages have you received that helped? Share, Like and make Mental Health Aware
Posted by MattStreuli.uk - Mental Health Aware on Monday, 4 April 2016
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