Too ill to work, not ill enough to get help - A Mental Health Dilemma

Happy Easter! My Sister, Anna, and I. 

Where has the past seven days gone? I'm feeling slightly anxious just trying to remember the past seven days or perhaps it is nerves about today.
My shirt is ironed, pen and pad ready and my route checked; I'm off to the inaugural meeting of the UK's Youth Health Parliament. More on that later as first I want to talk to you about how I feel betrayed or let down by 'the system'.

I started working at 16, cleaning toilets at a major theme park. By 18, I was working in a off license whilst finishing off my A Levels. Aside from a brief spell of part time bar work (Threshers went into administration), I've been in work almost continuously from the age of 16 through to 26. As I've got older, I've earnt more and so contributed more to the tax system. For those of you new to my story, I take this chance to point out that I've been out of work due to my mental health, with additional stigma and discrimination for almost six months. In November 2015 I applied to PIP or Personal Independence Payments. Disability Living Allowance is being phased out and this is the successor. As you may of seen in my Huffington Post article I was  bit taken back to discover I am legally disabled, my symptoms meets the criteria. My PIP application has the support of my GP and included a statement from a friend which is why I felt so irritated to be told that two weeks after a meeting with their appointed independent nurse, 5 months after filling out the original forms, that I am not eligible for support.

Blog Continues below this tweet:

Got my #PIP decision letter today. Recognises my 'health issues' but don't qualify for support. So I'm not well enough and not sick enough?

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) March 24, 2016

 Click here for last week's blog post :Read more on my PIP story and how cuts to the NHS and welfare affect Mental Health here

Unless this post, or some of the other more popular posts on my weekly blog, suddenly go viral the advert revenue (please click a advert!) isn't covering my water bill let alone anything else. The staff of our NHS are amazing, but they are underfunded and overwhelmed with the mental health crisis before us.

What does mental health look like?
With thanks to SANE

As I've ranted before, the UK is the 5th largest economy in the world yet the biggest killer of Men is suicide; not cancer, car crashes or terrorism. How can we live in a country where the rate of teenagers self-harming is now at a all time high? The law makes it illegal to discriminate between mental and physical health yet we don't see the suicide crisis being rugby tackled like cancer is!

Mental health charities get it. The NHS chiefs get it. The Police, angry that they are being used as a emergency care and detention facility for mental health get it. Even the Royal Family, with Princess Kate and Prince William's work for MIND and editing the Huffington Post plus Harry's work with the armed forces and on PTSD, get it. Even Iain Ducan Smith with his recent resignation (see last week's post) finally gets it. Politicians are saying the right thing yet we see Junior Doctors being exploited, overworked and stripped; how can I expect them to fight the fire of the male suicide crisis with things just getting worse?
Why are the actions, stripping and dissolving the NHS plus quietly backtracking from promises on mental health services, not matching their words?

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Last week as I moderated the @MH_Voices twitter feed, I shared a tweet which showed a reply to a referall. In essence, the referral was being rejected because the waiting list was too long. Why was the waiting list for mental health referral too long? There was no Psychologist in the role.

>  BLOG CONTINUES BELOW TWEET

For those who wonder why GPs prescribe antidepressants rather than send pts for CBT/talking therapy, this is why. pic.twitter.com/oTDGJb2Dac

— Marie Scully (@MarieOScully) March 24, 2016

Scroll back through my archive
to read more of my mental health story:
 Borderline Personality Disorder &
 Adult Child of a dead alcoholic

Oh God. Suddenly you begin to see that our NHS staff are doing their best but like firemen trapped by a forest fire, you can only hold it back so long without more support. If we want to tackle mental health and the crisis that I've described and discovered over the past year, then we need more firefighters with better equipment. Currently, it's all too easy for those in power to let patients kill themselves while waiting for treatment.  

I publish my blog every Wednesday, there are regular updates on my Facebook page, but as I write this I think my nerves are excitement as I think about my day to come. The Youth Health Parliament is a opportunity to not only make friends and network with people, but also to bring about real change and positively impact on people across the UK. I literally have nothing to lose by trying.

So, essay/rant over. My quick diary entry now! :)

Easter was a brilliant time which I spent playing games with my friends and family, binge watching some TV and I even did a spot of gardening! I had my training, ready to be a 'Lollipop Man' and had a good gossip and chat with my sister and my closest friends. Sometimes we all forget how lucky we are to have such amazing friends and family and I cannot believe how lucky I am. They have been tolerant, understanding and caring but with honesty and encouragement. With their letters of support I am writing to the Department of Work and Pensions to appeal their decision on my PIP application. Even a few pounds a week will help ease a big burden (MONEY AND BILLS!!) from my mind which with my ongoing medication and therapy can only help.

Thank you once again for reading and sharing my blog. PLEASE do comment below and share the link on your social media. You mean the world to me. Thank you.

I applied for PIP and was told that whilst I am ill, I do not qualify...

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Mar 24, 2016 at 8:07am PDT

Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness! Your life matters. You matter. Please take care of yourself💕 #SickNotWeak #mentalhealth

— Kay Ska (@kay_ska) March 29, 2016

https://t.co/akLmc0sGsX pic.twitter.com/WOGyhPmUZI

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) March 22, 2016

“I want my friends and family to know that I understand it from their side too. I know it’s hard to support someone with depression and I know you’re trying your best. So thank you.”
Posted by MattStreuli.uk - Mental Health Aware on Thursday, 24 March 2016

Closing the door

Over the past few editions of my blog I've been recapping my story and explaining the anxiety I've felt towards my meeting with HR but actually I didn't need to worry so much. 

If I didn't ask for help they would have my blood on their hands.

 -Last weeks blog post

I got up early and dosed myself on propranolol before heading to my parents' house.  

I was asked if I was making a complaint or a grievance but even with their explanation, I'm still not too sure of the difference. They didn’t answer the points in my letter per se but were happy to accept that I am not willing to return to work in that team for that manager. Whist that is never how I would want to leave a post, I have to accept that I have been forced out and so close that door.

They did imply I should go see my psychologist again but given my manager's behaviour I think this might just be to cover myself legally and prove this was a key cause of my current sick leave. HR did agree to look for positions for me elsewhere in the company and I should look too. Unless we find a new position before hand, we suggested another meeting in early January as my paid sick leave runs out so we can discuss how we proceed. My stepmother was present to act as an advocate for me and did ask that given they accept my manager’s behaviour was wrong, would they extend my paid sick leave. The answer was no and any further wages would be down to an assessment by their Health Insurance. 

I feel a massive sense of relief that they were so understanding and perhaps in hindsight I allowed my anxiety to get the better of me regarding how bad this meeting could have been or how negative they may have been. They have asked that I remained signed off until we can agree on a new position – I don’t know if this is best legally but I am currently signed off until end of this month. Part of me is worried that I may not be able to work, that I am too ill, and all because of my time in that team; I wasn’t this ill 12 months ago – I guess I won’t know until I try but I have a mortgage and bills to pay.

Once I get their letter summarising the meeting I'm going to call MIND's legal helpline. They admitted the manager shouldn't say those things but didn't comment on whether laws had been broken or if it was bullying. There is no harm in getting legal advice. If I can prove my condition is worse due to their inaction and treatment, surely that is a personal injury claim?

My stepmother did raise one question to me privately regarding my diagnosis. She asked why I have borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder and I couldn’t give a definitive answer. I think it was because my ‘black patches’ were caused by events rather than just occurring but She believes that I show clear signs of severe depression and clear signed of mania, some of which I miss because she has an external view compared to me.  She is a Specialist Nurse who has just retired but has limited experience in mental health.  I have been reading DSM 5 which suggested there is a lot of overlap between the two conditions. In theory, would it be possible to trial me on medication for bipolar? Is there any harm in trying? 

higeneskimdom/tumblr

Going back to personal injury, I just wanted to mention the terrorist attacks that have taken place in Paris as well as the incidents in Iraq and Syria to name a few. I need to leave you with a thought that I realised through a tumblr post (below) in the past couple of days. The injuries are not limited to those who were shot or blown apart. 

Bataclan Theatre aftermath: shockmansion.com

The mental health injury spreads to those who help the victims, whether medical professionals or locals trying to help, and even further to the victims friends and family at home. To witness the blood and brutality first hand is a horrifying image especially as stories come to light such as those from the Bataclan theatre where people lay hidden under their dead friends. The wounds in the mental health are more complex and will take much longer to heal. Learning to move on, understand and accept what you have seen or the loss of a loved one in such a needless and barbaric way can never be as easy as shutting a door.

NEW VIDEO @lhallwriter @aidanparr @EliCross @robfromlondon https://t.co/sb2HP0YU5S

— Matthew E Streuli (@mattstreuli) November 16, 2015

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/133395168817/httpsinstagramcomp-kucvkaiom-come-see-me

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/133201223017/i-had-a-horrible-day-i-am-from-paris-there-were

Www.MattStreuli.uk

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Nov 11, 2015 at 6:33am PST