Showing posts with label MIND. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MIND. Show all posts

No one has committed suicide in England or Wales since 1961

It may seem like the most clickbait of titles but I can assure it is 100% true. Since Summer 1961 not a single person has committed suicide. Yet in 2019 5,691 people took their own lives.

According to statistics from 2016, the United Kingdom is 109th in the World Health Organisation’s rankings of suicide figures out of 189 nations. Records from the Office for National Statistics show that between 1981 and 2019 a staggering 200,711 people ended their own lives. On average, 75% were male. [1]

Mental ill health is responsible for 72 million working days lost and costs £34.9 billion each year. [2] I’ve even spoken about my own mental health and how I survived suicide on national TV.

Given the horrible records, how can anyone claim that no one has committed suicide?
To answer that question we need to go back to the start - or as close as we can. In your mind travel back to 967 AD. Edgar the Peaceful, King of England, has been on the throne for 8 years after the last Viking King flees to the North. He’s a deeply religious fellow and works closely with Dunstan who lead the ‘10th Century Reformation’ as the Archbishop of Canterbury. Dunstan himself would later become a Saint. History records that King Edgar would take a yearly tour of his realm to ensure that his law was being upheld. History seems to remember him favourably.

His laws were recorded in Ecclesiastical history in the Charters of Abingdon Abbey – given his positive connections to the Church and that generally only ‘men of the cloth’ were literate we can imagine why. It was a law in 967 – which I’ve been unable to directly find without a paywall – that King Edgar is perhaps the first to make “self murder” a crime. His law made is clear that anyone who died from suicide would forfeit their estate and lands to the feudal lord which made suicide a felony.

Perhaps it was just a way to make money? A few hundred years later Thomas Aquinas, later a Saint himself, would document his views as scholar and an authority on religion. He felt that the Christian God had created humanity in his image as a gift and therefore killing that gift would be a little bit insulting. The commandments state that “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and so suicide would be a literal breach of the law handed down by god. [3]

It is fascinating how religion and law have become so entwined. This isn’t unique to English history either. The oldest appears to date to 1937 BC in Egypt a tale was being told where a man considering suicide is having a conversation with his soul who fears that suicide will leave the soul lost where “goodness is rejected everywhere”. [4]

With so many cultures and religions angered by the concept, it became enshrined in law on an almost universal scale. In England and Wales it was the Church who had this commandment in their law book which overtime became Common Law. Over the Centuries this has appeared in different ways. Churches would reject burials and certain rites for those who have taken their own lives. In Medieval England, tales of secret midnight secret burials, sometimes at crossroads partly due to the stigma around how the person died. This stigma of shame, embarrassment and humiliation stirred throughout history with many people being refused burial rites following suicide into the 20th Century.

With secret funerals and stigma, entire family members would vanish from history becoming unspoken gaps. Some people felt embarrassed of their familial connection whilst others truly believe that suicide was a sign of demonic possession. The concept of a burial at crossroads seem to stem from the idea that the passing traffic would somehow prevent those evil spirits rising from the grave. [5]

The fear of mental health and suicide is evident whenever you hear the world “asylum” something the horror film industry used inadvertently perpetuating more stigma. In 1914 there were over 100,000 patients in around 120 mental health institutions. The nearest to my home is St Bernard’s Hospital which was previously known as the Middlesex County Lunatic Asylum. Much of it still exists albeit as NHS offices and part of Ealing General Hospital. Like many Asylums, the buildings strike fear looking more like prison than welcoming treatment facility. When you look at facilities like these, leeching fear and discrimination into the community, they seem to mirror the historic feelings towards mental health. It is easy to understand why self-murder was a punitive offence. [5]

Records show that even in the early 1700s, a coroner’s inquest would rule around 90% of suicides finding the victim guilty of felo de se – committing a felony against themselves; suicide. The punishment would be complete forfeit to the Crown. However as the century passed, beliefs moved away from evil spirits towards more medical explanations. Juries ruled the suicides as non compos mentis which meant there was no criminal offence and would allow a simple Christian burial, often at night. [6]

First published in 1759, Adam Smith’s The Theory of Moral Sentiments questions and documents the turning opinion of the times: "If your situation is upon the whole disagreeable... walk forth by all  means. But walk forth without repining; without murmuring or complaining. Walk forth calm, contented, rejoicing, returning thanks to the Gods, who from their infinite bounty, have opened the safe and quiet harbour of death, at all times ready to receive us from the stormy ocean of human life… "
By 1800 over 97% of suicides were ruled in this non-criminal way, acknowledging the person’s long term struggle with what we would call mental health and this continued into the 1900s. [7]

Following the Criminal Justice Act in 1948, probation rather than imprisonment became the norm. There were exceptions. Edward French plead guilty to attempted suicide in 1955 and was sentenced to two years imprisonment because the evidence showed he made a serious sane attempt to end his life. The data for those trying to take their life, attempted suicide, is rather patchy prior to the 1960s. "One reason why so many suicidal attempts fail to reach the ears of the English Police is that it is against medical ethics for a physician to report them" Glanville Williams said. In the years 1952 to 1956 over 1800 people were sentenced to a probation order while 194 were imprisoned. The total number of people convicted of an attempted suicide during this period was 2,922. [7] How many others escaped ‘justice’?

During the Parliamentary Debate for the Suicide Bill in July 1961, the idea of treatment over punishment was endorsed across the political spectrum. Viscount Kilmuir spoke of “medical or therapeutic” treatment while the only documented disagreement was on whether the treatment be made compulsory.

Since the 1950s Asylums, the authoritarian, crumbling and cruel scheme, transitioned into a more supportive and nurturing care in the community scheme. I should note that the care in community isn’t perfect and we are now severely under-resourced when it comes to supporting those who need inpatient or even ‘day care’ support.   

A memo from Norman Brook, a Cabinet Secretary to Harold Macmillan from 24th October 1960 notes that there were believed to be 30,000 attempted suicides each year with around 600 being prosecuted and found guilty. “It seems to be the general opinion, both in the medical profession and in the courts, that these people be better dealt with outside the criminal law – as the majority already are.”

After a handful of discussions, often unnoticed in a world occupied with the Cold War, Royal Assent was given at 6:31pm on 3rd August 1961. Within hours a Home Office memo was sent to every Chief Constable that “it will no longer be an offence to commit suicide.”

Suicide rates steadily declined between 1963 and 1975. [8] By the early 1980s, the figures are around 5,700 [1]. Rather than decreasing the value of life, decriminalising suicide decreased the stigma and the rate of suicide by starting to make care and treatment easier to access.

The reason for writing this article is twofold:
Firstly, it is an interesting bit of trivia: that no one has committed suicide since 3rd August 1961 because suicide was no longer a crime anyone could commit. However, the main point is to show and emphasise how language and our choice of words can have such a profound impact.

Whenever someone uses the phrase ‘commits suicide’, it stirs up that fear and hatred. It scares people that they will be detained in some horror film asylum for attempted self-murder rather than being the kindness, understanding and compassion they deserve and need.  To me, ‘commit suicide’ is like nails on a chalkboard.

I try to highlight to people that while they are using a common phrase, it is deeply hurtful and actually causes more harm than good. Some people prefer the phrase ‘completed suicide’ although I prefer ‘took/ended their own life’.

People with mental health issues, thinking about suicide or not, are not criminals.
Work by Mind, a leading mental health charity I am proud to be a member of, shows that people with mental health issues are three times more like to be a victim of crime than the general population. [9] An article from The Lancet in 2020 stated “People with mental illness are much more often the victims of violence rather than the perpetrators.”  It goes onto say “It is clear that cuts in mental health service expenditure in England in the past decade have led to a reduced quality of overall care”.

Whether you hear it, see it or read it – I ask you remember this article and challenge it. Just as we would not accept homophobic, racist or sexist remarks. We all need to politely challenge the discrimination and say “No, No-one commits suicide”.

 

Thank you for reading my article. Please feel free to share it and consider reading some of my other posts.
Matt Streuli is a mental health writer and Mental Health First Aid Instructor. By day, he is a Secretary in the NHS. He lives with his Wife, two cats and is expecting his first child this May.

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2019registrations
[2] https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/publications/mental-health-work-business-costs-ten-years
[3] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/thomas-aquinas/
[4] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/category/author/egyptian-didactic-tale/
[5] Julie Mathias, “Victorian Attitudes Towards Self-Murder”, Curious Histories (blog on oldoperatingtheatre.com), November 11th, 2016.
[6] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513543/
[7] https://etheses.lse.ac.uk/1573/1/U136493.pdf
[8] G. M. G. McClure, Changes in Suicide in England and Wales 1960-1997, British Journal of Psychiatry.
[9] https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/our-policy-work/victims-of-crime/
[10] https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(20)30002-5/fulltext




Why become a Mental Health First Aider? - Suicide Prevention Month

Making time to take care of yourself can be hard. During lockdown, it felt like life was in a loop of work, home, work, home, work, home. By the time you get home, you just want to crash in front of easy watching TV. I have the same issue with writing my blog. I feel so much better for doing this but it does take time and effort like all self care does.
 
For many parts of the world September is Suicide Prevention Month however organisations big and small come together with the WHO and the International Association for Suicide Prevention to mark 10th September as World Suicide Prevention Day.
Globally, over 800,000 suicides are reported and there are many more which either go unreported or don't fit the criteia for suicide in the death certificate of a country. As I type this the Office for National Statistics has released the latest data with headlines following the common theme of "Male Suicide at highest rate in 20 years". 
Occasionally I go back through my blog to revisit my posts. They mark how I felt and thought as different stages of my mental health journey but they also indicate how far we have come as a society. One of the posts I am most proud of, conveniently for World Suicide Prevention Day 2016, was written by one of my closest friends and her view of not only my struggles but also of her Grandfather. It is a powerful read you can find here.
Stigma was an incredible oppressive force when my mental health was at its worst. I can clearly remember how liberating being suicidal was - I could speak out because I had literally nothing to lose. It was that with the right support from friends, family and the NHS that supported my recovery - something which I'm proud my blog has recorded.Suicide can be a difficult subject to approach but once you cross the threshold with compassion and honesty, its a stigma that seem ridiculous. 
Tweet from Prof Appleby: clinician & Gov adviser on suicide
Tweet from Prof Appleby: clinician & Gov adviser on suicide

Recently, thanks to the NHS Trust I work for, I attended a two day course and qualified as a Mental Health First Aider.  Why would any employer want a Mental Health First Aider? It's another cost
In a previous post we've discussed the business case for taking the mental health battle head on. In that post we discussed how research by Soma showed the businesses that record and track mental health make up to three times of the profits compared to ignorant competitors. In that post we also discovered how every 80p of investment in prevention and support for mental health and well-being at work saves £4 in costs whether that is sickness, loss of business or, as my case showed, legal fees. In the end, I argued that with the potential saving of £9 billion per year to the UK economy, that businesses big and small couldn't afford not to invest in mental health and well being of their staff and customers. 


The course is written by MHFA England who are working with the aim that by having more and more Mental Health First Aiders in businesses and organisations that stigma can be more routinely battled and that awareness raised more often. It also hopes that earlier intervention can be made for those needing support and prevent staff, friends and family reaching crisis - like I did in 2015.
To start with I did have to confront some anxiety. Would this course be upsetting? Would it stir and prevoke feelings I don't want? Would the people there be tolerant of me? 

In hindsight, I shouldn't have worried but anxiety can be pair of concrete boots in the murky canal of life if you are unable to push through with useful healthy coping mechanisms. In my example, I tried to imagine some of the content like icebreakers and discussions of suicide and think about how much I was comfortable to share or say.

It always amazes me how little is said about mental health and yet, when the tap is opened and that awkward threshold is crossed, everyone has some experience. Whether it is friend, a relative or a patient or customer. When you begin to realise how much mental health has touched every person, you begin to realise how few people will judge you in a negative way. 

The role of being a Mental Health First Aider isn't to solve every problem or become Counsellor Deanna Troy of your organisation; in the same way your First Aider isn't your organisation's Paramedic or Dr Beverly Crusher. It's more about having someone ready to listen and offer a signpost whether it be to a manager, to ACAS, to a union, to the GP, to a local support group or in times of crisis to the emergency services. The problem doesn't have to be a psychotic episode but it can be. It can be helping someone after a nasty call or offering a calming cup of tea after the loss of a loved one.

Helping another person, even if its just listening, can be incredibly rewarding. In fact, you can save a life.

If you are interested in becoming a Mental Health First Aider, email your HR department today or have a look at https://mhfaengland.org/













Push through Anxiety or You'll Seize Up

RuPaul quite rightly says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else”. That same love can be applied to care and support; if you don’t help yourself, how the hell can you help anyone else?

Arthritis can be an incredibly painful condition and those who suffer from it should be admired. They push through the pain using coping strategies and medication because if you don’t mobilise those joints, they could seize up and the pain would be worse. In short, use it or you’ll lose it. Anxiety is a similar beast.  Anxiety wants to isolate you. It wants to clamp you down. It wants to shut you up.
There are days where it is exhausting just to open the curtains. There are days you can get to the local shops and back.  But whether it is agony in your knee or a burden on your mind, you have to try. 
The CDC (a department of the US government) encourages those with arthritis to take up their SMART challenge. I think the same can be applied to Anxiety and mental health in general.
Start low, go slow.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
Activities should be “joint friendly.”
Recognize safe places and ways to be active.
Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist.

"To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on."- Dave Pelzer

Start low, go slow.
Find an activity you can dip in and out of. Maybe something you can do for 10 minutes and take a break. Something where you can slowly build up and join in gradually.. Don’t expect to run a 5k on the first day. Consider activities like a walking club, singing for fun club, maybe part of the backstage team at your local drama club or even just volunteering at a care home or school.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
If you all becomes too much (whether joints or pressure on your mental health) you can slip away for a while. If you can run 5k, you might not be able to do it every week. If you can’t run the 5k, do a little run instead. If you feel like going to singing or yoga this week is hard or you are already drained, maybe ask the leader if you can come for the first half and see how it goes. Sometimes the hardest part is getting over the first hurdle and once you are there you have the support and fun you really need.

Activities should be “joint friendly”.
For mental health, perhaps this is open to your interpretation. It might be that joining the local Drama Club provides you with the same ‘escapism’ it gave me or the idea of being on stage isn’t your thing, there are many groups like ‘Men In Sheds’ and ‘Library Games Club’ where you can be part of team taking part in casual activities. There is something to be said though for joining a sports activity and while it wasn’t for me personally, something like Netball or Lawn Bowls could be brilliant for physical and mental health. Being part of a team, a supportive team, can be very rewarding whether you win or lose.
CLICK the image to view full screen
With thanks to the Membership team at Mind, the mental health charity
Recognize safe places and ways to be active
For me this links in with the above activities but this also includes safe places where you can get support. Does you library offer a local drop in service? Is there a local Mind? Some cafes also offer a mental health afternoon. If there isn’t, could a chat with your local Costa manager help set on up? Another aspect of this is where would you go in an emergency? Or a time of crisis?
I really recommend an app called “Hub of Hope” which does a great job of signposting you to local services whether it is in a crisis such as Samaritans or more routine support. They have a website also at:  https://hubofhope.co.uk/

Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist
Have you recently spoken with your GP? Have you been referred to a NHS Mental Health services or to a community service?
Many areas now accept self-referral so if you find talking to your GP hard, taking the first step to NHS support can be as simple as filling out a form. There is a long wait in most areas. Sometimes month just to have an assessment appointment before your referral makes it way to the right team. I understand that the long wait puts people off. I completely get the “why bother” feeling especially when you think you are stable. In reality, you might be slowly declining – for anxiety you might be slowly isolating yourself more and more – and it’s so gradual you don’t realise until there is a crisis. Refer yourself at the start and even if it’s only a light level of support … preventative is better than reactive.
I know the above might seem daunting but with mental health, you do have to practise and gently push yourself. If you don’t, it makes it harder to even accept or use the help you can get. 


"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."- Dalai Lama
Thank you for reading my blog – especially if you have followed me on Twitter or liked my Facebook page. A big welcome to all my new readers – your input, opinions and sharing my links is very welcome.

As you can see below, I became a page three model this month as our story went nationwide in the summer edition of Mind’s Membership magazine. It has been lovely to hear your feedback and Mind even sent us a wedding present which is really sweet of them. If you live in Bucks, you might have even seen us in the county newspaper.
CLICK the image to view full screen.
With Thanks to the Bucks Free Press
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We're Married!

When you get an Uber and you are alone, do you sit in the front or the back? That is my current level of social anxiety.  A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to get in the car let alone survive that awkward “are you busy today?” chat. 

It is amazing how far to think I have come in the past few years and the last few weeks since our wedding has been the perfect time to reflect. The months leading up to the big day can be so stressful but it is important to have friends and family around to support you. Please, reach out, you are not alone.

The vast majority of your friends and family will be flattered or over the moon that you want their help or input into your special occasion so don’t be shy to ask.  I’m so glad we asked for help and I owe those nearest and dearest so much. Maybe it's asking for help setting up the favors on the table or even a special reading. It is the little personal touches, that you and your closest family bring to the day that makes it important, unique and memorable. 

Does anyone else have a pork pie in their wedding photos?
Who else had a big red bus for the closest family to ride?
Who else had a flash mob after their first dance?
 Just us. 
It might be a little 'out there'. But that's us. We're special. Unashamed.

We had a 'Mind' theme photobooth!
Could you support a charity important to you on your big day?
Since mental health has been such a huge part of our lives, we wanted it to be part of our huge day. In fact, I've written a blog for Mind which will hopefully appear soon on their website.
While 2015 was the worst year of my life, it was the catalyst for so many good things. Getting support and diagnosis on the NHS helped me get the right path to recovery and trying to stay healthy. For me, having a diagnosis of EUPD meant I had something to learn about and focus on; it wasn't a horrific shadow or even unknown.

Mind helped me to find a voice and to take ownership of my story – rather than letting my story or my mental health own me.

With the help of Mind, I’ve told my story on BBC News and to The Guardian. They also introduced me to the Mind Media Awards where I have helped shortlist entries for 3 years.

During this time, I also became reacquainted with a friend from school, Caroline. We had drifted apart, as you naturally do after school. Caroline had a difficult time and suffered her own frightening mental health issues at university. However, those experiences helped us see past each other’s flaws and into our future. We weren’t damaged or scarred. We’d survived and were starting to thrive on the adventure of a lifetime. Within a few months, I knew I could never be without her and on New Years Eve, I asked her to marry me.

We were married on 6th April 2019 at our local church where we both grew up and we are thrilled to share some photos with you here. We used Mind wedding favors, name cards with pins, on our tables. On the back of our order of service, we asked people to make donations to Mind via the website. We also had leaflets, flags, and donations around our photo booth.  

I don't know if we raised much, but it felt nice to have a positive story linked to mental health.

If you had asked me in 2015, I couldn’t see a future. Yet the right help has helped me on a path to where we are now. Mental health doesn't have to be a bad news story. Good things, like happy endings, can happen too.

Find out more about my story through my blog or browse the different interviews I've done at www.MattStreuli.uk
Thank you for taking the time for reading my blog. Please follow me on YouTube and Twitter.




Order of Service designed and produced by MattStreuli.uk





Scented Candles and #SelfCare

Human nature seems to like maintaining the status quo however when that is the routine deaths of 100,000 people each year linked to issues with mental health care, I can’t help feeling something can and should change.

Whilst the male suicide rate was at its lowest in 2017 (since 1981 when the Office for National Statistics started) it is still the biggest killer of men from their teens to the time they should get their bus pass. In 2017, 5,821 people ended their own lives. 4,382 (75.3%) of those were male.


There are many ways to tackle this and different organisations are taking different multi-pronged approaches. In fact this week sees the Mind Media Awards which does a fantastic job of promoting sensible and careful conversation of mental health in the press or on films and TV. It also rewards those programmes, journalists and producers who undertake this difficult conversation and encourage people to talk and seek help. I was very proud to be on the shortlisting panel for the awards for a third year running and as ever found it a rewarding, enlightening and humbling experience. You can watch the event live via the Mind website.


One of the prongs to tackle this killer is the idea of self-care. In the ever hectic world where stress is the biggest cause of absence at work, helping people make healthier decisions can not just save the NHS millions or decrease your waist size but actually steer people away from the edge. The image of having a relaxing bath, or sitting still for 5 minutes of calm with candle or wax melt can at first feel quite… ladylike. But why should there be anything wrong with looking after your mind if it’s OK to look after your body? 


I asked on twitter: When was the last time you did nothing? Just focused on a raindrop, sat still, silently noticing the world around and what your senses' sense?

Every vote was either 'Rarely' or 'Never'.


One of the ways I practise self-care is to sit still and practise some simplified mindfulness with a wax melt or a candle to focus on. How does it smell? Can you see the flicker of the flame or the wisps of fragrance raise from the pool? Taking 5 minutes to notice these things allows your body and mind to reset from the chaos that is your pinging emails, buzzing text messages and banging of children or telephones. 


Below is a video review for Pick N Melt who reached out to me and given the nature of my blog and social media wanted my view on their products. The Mrs-to-be and I adore a Yankee Candle so went in with high hopes. It would be nice to spend some money on craft-made UK candles and wax melts? 


I have been blown away by the beautiful scents available and how well the fragrance remains. I've used big brand wax melts before and ended up with 'scent-less' wax lining my bin after a few hours but the 'Seville Orange' has been going for almost 35 hours now and it still smells like we've zested our own fruits right there. It's not overpowering but it is strong and lasts really well. I'm really impressed with the value of money their monthly subscription pack provides - a perfect gift for Christmas or for you to share with your friends and promote a bit of #selfcare.  #BeTheMateYoudWant.

Thanks for reading! Please share, subscribe and comment. Why not have a look at some past popular posts I've linked below!?



Remembering Family at Weddings: I Don't Really Want To...

This is a question I've been avoiding for a while.
On paper, it seems a nice idea to have a candle or a sign - perhaps even some photographs - of loved ones who have died and so are unable to attend your wedding day. My problem is that I don't particularly love my alcoholic Mother who drank herself to death when I was 13.


WedMagazine.co.uk is one of the many sites that have heartfelt articles on remembering your deceased family members and I think the idea of honouring someone close, especially when they have helped shaped who you are today, is a lovely tribute.  This particular article talks about mentioning them in the order of service, using their favourite flowers or piece of jewellery. The only proposition suitable for my dead mum is raising a glass to her but I'm not sure saying "Cheers" to so someone so dependent to booze it cost them their marriage, dignity and life is something worth writing home about. 



Part of writing my blog is to help me understand and process how I feel and what I think about certain issues or situations. It is also a great opportunity to hear your honest feedback through social media and the comments below. I guess what might seem alien is that even though she finally died in 2003, I don't think I have forgiven her. In fact, I'm still quite annoyed with her. It's not the anger I felt when I was a teenager - time has mellowed this pain to that of a mild itch.



I remember sitting on the hospital bed in which my Mum died and holding her hand.  I told her that despite everything that had happened, I forgave her. I didn't really forgive her and I still don't but I couldn't let her die thinking her only Son hated her. I was 13.

I was on BBC's Victoria Derbyshire - Click for more

We've already decided that at our wedding there will be 'nods' and elements highlighting mental health; so important to the journey that the bride and I have made to reach this day. Just in case you haven't seen my mug on TV, heard my effeminate voice on radio or my trotters on the stage: my story starts as a carer for an alcoholic Mother and leads into mental health as a teen and adult suffering workplace discrimination culminating in a suicide attempt in 2015.

Given that my Mother played a key role in creating a dysfunction home of my childhood which in turn warped the cogs of my mind and altered my programming - should I be thanking her? As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, I know forgiveness and learning to love again is key. However, I will never really know the what and the whys that drove my mum to find relief in her dry white wine.       Continues Below...




All of this brings me back to the idea of remembering that lost loved one. They helped shape who you are today. There can be no doubt that the actions and inactions of my Mother were a huge influence in the avenues my life has travelled. Perhaps rather than raising a glass, I could raise a middle finger? Despite everything, look how far I've come and look how far I will go.

What would you do?  Do you have a loved one you're not entirely sure you want to remember? Do you just ignore them and gloss over it? Or should I stop my whining and do a small tribute so I'm not being such a monster? Leave a comment below or my Facebook page.

After everything, she is my Mother.