Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts

No one has committed suicide in England or Wales since 1961

It may seem like the most clickbait of titles but I can assure it is 100% true. Since Summer 1961 not a single person has committed suicide. Yet in 2019 5,691 people took their own lives.

According to statistics from 2016, the United Kingdom is 109th in the World Health Organisation’s rankings of suicide figures out of 189 nations. Records from the Office for National Statistics show that between 1981 and 2019 a staggering 200,711 people ended their own lives. On average, 75% were male. [1]

Mental ill health is responsible for 72 million working days lost and costs £34.9 billion each year. [2] I’ve even spoken about my own mental health and how I survived suicide on national TV.

Given the horrible records, how can anyone claim that no one has committed suicide?
To answer that question we need to go back to the start - or as close as we can. In your mind travel back to 967 AD. Edgar the Peaceful, King of England, has been on the throne for 8 years after the last Viking King flees to the North. He’s a deeply religious fellow and works closely with Dunstan who lead the ‘10th Century Reformation’ as the Archbishop of Canterbury. Dunstan himself would later become a Saint. History records that King Edgar would take a yearly tour of his realm to ensure that his law was being upheld. History seems to remember him favourably.

His laws were recorded in Ecclesiastical history in the Charters of Abingdon Abbey – given his positive connections to the Church and that generally only ‘men of the cloth’ were literate we can imagine why. It was a law in 967 – which I’ve been unable to directly find without a paywall – that King Edgar is perhaps the first to make “self murder” a crime. His law made is clear that anyone who died from suicide would forfeit their estate and lands to the feudal lord which made suicide a felony.

Perhaps it was just a way to make money? A few hundred years later Thomas Aquinas, later a Saint himself, would document his views as scholar and an authority on religion. He felt that the Christian God had created humanity in his image as a gift and therefore killing that gift would be a little bit insulting. The commandments state that “Thou Shalt Not Kill” and so suicide would be a literal breach of the law handed down by god. [3]

It is fascinating how religion and law have become so entwined. This isn’t unique to English history either. The oldest appears to date to 1937 BC in Egypt a tale was being told where a man considering suicide is having a conversation with his soul who fears that suicide will leave the soul lost where “goodness is rejected everywhere”. [4]

With so many cultures and religions angered by the concept, it became enshrined in law on an almost universal scale. In England and Wales it was the Church who had this commandment in their law book which overtime became Common Law. Over the Centuries this has appeared in different ways. Churches would reject burials and certain rites for those who have taken their own lives. In Medieval England, tales of secret midnight secret burials, sometimes at crossroads partly due to the stigma around how the person died. This stigma of shame, embarrassment and humiliation stirred throughout history with many people being refused burial rites following suicide into the 20th Century.

With secret funerals and stigma, entire family members would vanish from history becoming unspoken gaps. Some people felt embarrassed of their familial connection whilst others truly believe that suicide was a sign of demonic possession. The concept of a burial at crossroads seem to stem from the idea that the passing traffic would somehow prevent those evil spirits rising from the grave. [5]

The fear of mental health and suicide is evident whenever you hear the world “asylum” something the horror film industry used inadvertently perpetuating more stigma. In 1914 there were over 100,000 patients in around 120 mental health institutions. The nearest to my home is St Bernard’s Hospital which was previously known as the Middlesex County Lunatic Asylum. Much of it still exists albeit as NHS offices and part of Ealing General Hospital. Like many Asylums, the buildings strike fear looking more like prison than welcoming treatment facility. When you look at facilities like these, leeching fear and discrimination into the community, they seem to mirror the historic feelings towards mental health. It is easy to understand why self-murder was a punitive offence. [5]

Records show that even in the early 1700s, a coroner’s inquest would rule around 90% of suicides finding the victim guilty of felo de se – committing a felony against themselves; suicide. The punishment would be complete forfeit to the Crown. However as the century passed, beliefs moved away from evil spirits towards more medical explanations. Juries ruled the suicides as non compos mentis which meant there was no criminal offence and would allow a simple Christian burial, often at night. [6]

First published in 1759, Adam Smith’s The Theory of Moral Sentiments questions and documents the turning opinion of the times: "If your situation is upon the whole disagreeable... walk forth by all  means. But walk forth without repining; without murmuring or complaining. Walk forth calm, contented, rejoicing, returning thanks to the Gods, who from their infinite bounty, have opened the safe and quiet harbour of death, at all times ready to receive us from the stormy ocean of human life… "
By 1800 over 97% of suicides were ruled in this non-criminal way, acknowledging the person’s long term struggle with what we would call mental health and this continued into the 1900s. [7]

Following the Criminal Justice Act in 1948, probation rather than imprisonment became the norm. There were exceptions. Edward French plead guilty to attempted suicide in 1955 and was sentenced to two years imprisonment because the evidence showed he made a serious sane attempt to end his life. The data for those trying to take their life, attempted suicide, is rather patchy prior to the 1960s. "One reason why so many suicidal attempts fail to reach the ears of the English Police is that it is against medical ethics for a physician to report them" Glanville Williams said. In the years 1952 to 1956 over 1800 people were sentenced to a probation order while 194 were imprisoned. The total number of people convicted of an attempted suicide during this period was 2,922. [7] How many others escaped ‘justice’?

During the Parliamentary Debate for the Suicide Bill in July 1961, the idea of treatment over punishment was endorsed across the political spectrum. Viscount Kilmuir spoke of “medical or therapeutic” treatment while the only documented disagreement was on whether the treatment be made compulsory.

Since the 1950s Asylums, the authoritarian, crumbling and cruel scheme, transitioned into a more supportive and nurturing care in the community scheme. I should note that the care in community isn’t perfect and we are now severely under-resourced when it comes to supporting those who need inpatient or even ‘day care’ support.   

A memo from Norman Brook, a Cabinet Secretary to Harold Macmillan from 24th October 1960 notes that there were believed to be 30,000 attempted suicides each year with around 600 being prosecuted and found guilty. “It seems to be the general opinion, both in the medical profession and in the courts, that these people be better dealt with outside the criminal law – as the majority already are.”

After a handful of discussions, often unnoticed in a world occupied with the Cold War, Royal Assent was given at 6:31pm on 3rd August 1961. Within hours a Home Office memo was sent to every Chief Constable that “it will no longer be an offence to commit suicide.”

Suicide rates steadily declined between 1963 and 1975. [8] By the early 1980s, the figures are around 5,700 [1]. Rather than decreasing the value of life, decriminalising suicide decreased the stigma and the rate of suicide by starting to make care and treatment easier to access.

The reason for writing this article is twofold:
Firstly, it is an interesting bit of trivia: that no one has committed suicide since 3rd August 1961 because suicide was no longer a crime anyone could commit. However, the main point is to show and emphasise how language and our choice of words can have such a profound impact.

Whenever someone uses the phrase ‘commits suicide’, it stirs up that fear and hatred. It scares people that they will be detained in some horror film asylum for attempted self-murder rather than being the kindness, understanding and compassion they deserve and need.  To me, ‘commit suicide’ is like nails on a chalkboard.

I try to highlight to people that while they are using a common phrase, it is deeply hurtful and actually causes more harm than good. Some people prefer the phrase ‘completed suicide’ although I prefer ‘took/ended their own life’.

People with mental health issues, thinking about suicide or not, are not criminals.
Work by Mind, a leading mental health charity I am proud to be a member of, shows that people with mental health issues are three times more like to be a victim of crime than the general population. [9] An article from The Lancet in 2020 stated “People with mental illness are much more often the victims of violence rather than the perpetrators.”  It goes onto say “It is clear that cuts in mental health service expenditure in England in the past decade have led to a reduced quality of overall care”.

Whether you hear it, see it or read it – I ask you remember this article and challenge it. Just as we would not accept homophobic, racist or sexist remarks. We all need to politely challenge the discrimination and say “No, No-one commits suicide”.

 

Thank you for reading my article. Please feel free to share it and consider reading some of my other posts.
Matt Streuli is a mental health writer and Mental Health First Aid Instructor. By day, he is a Secretary in the NHS. He lives with his Wife, two cats and is expecting his first child this May.

[1] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2019registrations
[2] https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/publications/mental-health-work-business-costs-ten-years
[3] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/thomas-aquinas/
[4] https://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/category/author/egyptian-didactic-tale/
[5] Julie Mathias, “Victorian Attitudes Towards Self-Murder”, Curious Histories (blog on oldoperatingtheatre.com), November 11th, 2016.
[6] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK513543/
[7] https://etheses.lse.ac.uk/1573/1/U136493.pdf
[8] G. M. G. McClure, Changes in Suicide in England and Wales 1960-1997, British Journal of Psychiatry.
[9] https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/our-policy-work/victims-of-crime/
[10] https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpub/article/PIIS2468-2667(20)30002-5/fulltext




Remembering Family at Weddings: I Don't Really Want To...

This is a question I've been avoiding for a while.
On paper, it seems a nice idea to have a candle or a sign - perhaps even some photographs - of loved ones who have died and so are unable to attend your wedding day. My problem is that I don't particularly love my alcoholic Mother who drank herself to death when I was 13.


WedMagazine.co.uk is one of the many sites that have heartfelt articles on remembering your deceased family members and I think the idea of honouring someone close, especially when they have helped shaped who you are today, is a lovely tribute.  This particular article talks about mentioning them in the order of service, using their favourite flowers or piece of jewellery. The only proposition suitable for my dead mum is raising a glass to her but I'm not sure saying "Cheers" to so someone so dependent to booze it cost them their marriage, dignity and life is something worth writing home about. 



Part of writing my blog is to help me understand and process how I feel and what I think about certain issues or situations. It is also a great opportunity to hear your honest feedback through social media and the comments below. I guess what might seem alien is that even though she finally died in 2003, I don't think I have forgiven her. In fact, I'm still quite annoyed with her. It's not the anger I felt when I was a teenager - time has mellowed this pain to that of a mild itch.



I remember sitting on the hospital bed in which my Mum died and holding her hand.  I told her that despite everything that had happened, I forgave her. I didn't really forgive her and I still don't but I couldn't let her die thinking her only Son hated her. I was 13.

I was on BBC's Victoria Derbyshire - Click for more

We've already decided that at our wedding there will be 'nods' and elements highlighting mental health; so important to the journey that the bride and I have made to reach this day. Just in case you haven't seen my mug on TV, heard my effeminate voice on radio or my trotters on the stage: my story starts as a carer for an alcoholic Mother and leads into mental health as a teen and adult suffering workplace discrimination culminating in a suicide attempt in 2015.

Given that my Mother played a key role in creating a dysfunction home of my childhood which in turn warped the cogs of my mind and altered my programming - should I be thanking her? As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, I know forgiveness and learning to love again is key. However, I will never really know the what and the whys that drove my mum to find relief in her dry white wine.       Continues Below...




All of this brings me back to the idea of remembering that lost loved one. They helped shape who you are today. There can be no doubt that the actions and inactions of my Mother were a huge influence in the avenues my life has travelled. Perhaps rather than raising a glass, I could raise a middle finger? Despite everything, look how far I've come and look how far I will go.

What would you do?  Do you have a loved one you're not entirely sure you want to remember? Do you just ignore them and gloss over it? Or should I stop my whining and do a small tribute so I'm not being such a monster? Leave a comment below or my Facebook page.

After everything, she is my Mother. 





Excellence and 3x the Profit? How can #MentalHealth mean success for every business?





Just over two years ago I worked at the UK and Eire HQ for a large multi-national manufacturer. After five years with the company, I was forced to leave – after I tried to kill myself. So how can Mental Health save businesses £9b per year, deliver excellence in products and service and therefore up to 3x the profit?


Matt Streuli's TV Interview with Sky News - August 2017


The Heath and Safety Act treats mental and physical health equally, however, the real world has been slow to catch up. In my situation, I was taking on extra work and new roles to ‘help’ the company keep in profit. Yet new independent research by Soma shows that companies that record and track Mental Health make up to
3x the profit.[1]


I did everything my HR said, however, they didn’t do ¾ of the ‘reasonable adjustments’ suggested by their own Occupational Health Doctor. When I returned to the office with my final sick note from my GP, feeling duty bound to turn my out of office on and beg for my colleagues to cover my urgent duties, I was called in to see a senior manager. When I explained the situation and handed him my sick note he replied: “No one else had a problem”.
"In classrooms, in workplaces, around the dinner table, between friends even between strangers. People are now really talking about their own wellbeing and looking to help those around them. And while just talking doesn’t cure all ills, we are now shattering the silence that was a real barrier to progress. ”
– Prince Harry, Mind Media Awards 2017
The problem is that everyone does have this problem. The biggest killer of men and young men is not cancer, drugs or car crashes. The biggest killer of men in our country is suicide. In fact 75% of all suicides are male. Research released in August 2017 by Mind, the Mental Health Charity in England and Wales, show that men are twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues. Why does this matter to HR and CEOs? Research announced by one of Prince Charles’ charities in October 2017 showed that Work and the Workplace was the cause of 60% of mental health issues as surveyed by YouGov – regardless of gender.[2]

At a basic level, however, the solution is simple. Companies want to generate profit. This is done by creating a product or service and then nurturing its growth until it reaches the pinnacle of what it can achieve. We should be doing the same with our staff. As humans, we want what is best for ourselves, our families and each other. Big businesses are starting to realise that by nurturing and supporting their staff, they can mould their employees into what is best for the individual and the company; flexibility, compassion and ambition is a two-way avenue. 
"In the sphere of mental health alone I have found it to be quite extraordinarily supportive. What you do for yourselves and your friends and strangers can not be overstated."
- @stephenfry , Mind Media Awards 2017
Stress and other mental health problems are the second biggest cause of sickness absence, accounting for 70 million lost working days every year.[3] This sick leave plus the staff turnover costs £26 billion every year[4]. It is cheaper to support and nurture your staff and in turn you will harvest up to 3x the profits. 

How can a driver get to the podium if the pit crew can’t face another day? 

Studies also show that simply spending 80p on health promotion and intervention saves £4 in costs due to absenteeism, temporary staff and presenteeism[5]. In my case, it would have also saved the cost of expensive Solicitors and a payout – let alone the Employer's embarrassment with Staff and Customers. 

The Centre for Mental Health has proven that simple steps to improve the prevention and early identification of issues should enable UK organisations to save 30% or more of current mental health and stress-related costs, a potential saving of £9 billion per year.[4] 
If you want to your products and service to bloom with excellence, that has to start with your foundations. That excellence can only be delivered by staff who are nurtured and flourishing themselves.

Search Matt Streuli on HuffPost to read my articles
 How can Customer Service deliver excellence when they live in a "toxic dump" or an "atmosphere of fear"?

Since leaving my ‘hurtful’ employer I have focused on my recovery and returning to work. Aside from my new career in Education and in the Voluntary Sector (for Mind, Time to Change and the Iver Heath Drama Club) I have been working as an advocate. This involves public speaking and representing the struggling, scared, silent workforce - including interviews with LBC, The Guardian, BBC Newsbeat, Paul Ross on TalkRadio and, most recently, Sky News. Compared to that ‘hurtful’ job, I am struggling to make ends meets but: I am healthy, happily engaged to a wonderful woman and I am Alive.

The reason I am writing to you is that YOU and the staff who directly report to you have the power to change your company and save lives. I would like to offer my services to you and your HR team. I would like to work WITH you in helping improve the mindset of your company and management structure to one that wants the best and what is best from and for everyone whether this is through public speaking at your meetings and conferences or on an individual basis. I would also like to support you in working toward an industry standard such as:
> The Mindful Accreditation (a NHS recognised Charter signed by over 1700 companies)
OR
> Joining Mind’s Wellbeing Index (run by the charity Mind, signatures include PepsiCo, Jaguar Land Rover and the Environment Agency)
OR
> signing the Time To Change Pledge (funded by Department for Health and Comic Relief, run by Mind and Rethink. It has over 500 signatures including Three, Thales, Aviva and Heineken.) 
1 in 4 of us will suffer with mental health[6] at any one time, it can affect anyone at any time and 60% of those are ignited by employers hurting us; not getting the best from us.

The question is no longer if you can risk the Employment Tribunal or if you can afford the ‘Reasonable Adjustments’. The question now is that with your competition taking on this mental health battle in search of a healthier workforce and 3x the profits, can you really afford not to?

If you would like to read more I would ask you have a look at the links referenced and at the Mental Health at Work Report Business in the Community (sponsored by Mercer with support from Royal Mail & Heathrow). If you already have Wellbeing and Mental Health First Aid in place, I would love to hear your success stories so I could ‘sing your praises’ elsewhere.

PLEASE send to your HR team and DARE them to take part in this momentum of change.

Read more of my story at: https://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/BacktoBlog.html

[1] http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2017/10/10/profits-rack-ftse-100-firms-eye-mental-health-study-finds/
[2] http://news.sky.com/story/work-causes-mental-health-issues-in-60-of-employees-11066428
[3] https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/workplace-wellbeing-index/index-201617-findings/
[4] https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/employment-the-economic-case
[5] http://www.mindfulemployer.net/business/cost-business-benefits/
[6] https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/about-mental-health


If you need help finding support, call the Mind Infoline between 9am and 6pm Monday to Friday on 0300 123 3393 or visit mind.org.uk If you want to talk to someone right now, Samaritans provide a listening ear on 116 123




Employers are 'harming' male mental health!

Disposable Workforce? - Pinterest/John Holcroft
Research released today by Mind, the Mental Health Charity in England and Wales, show that men are twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues caused by their job than women. If you've been reading my blog for while, this will resonate with my story. My previous job caused my mental health to diminish until in 2015 when I tried to kill myself.

I asked for help several times and was signed off work more than once. When I went to the office with the 'latest' sick note and told my senior manager I had been signed off due to stress he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. Despite the reports and advice from the company's appointed Doctor and the evidence from my NHS psychologist and GP, they simply didn't care enough to make minor and cheap changes. I felt disposable. I had been injured, my mental health had been made worse to the point of suicide and yet I was made to feel it was my fault. How can it be my fault for hitting targets, asking for help and reasonable adjustments while trying to keep on ever increasing piles of work?

And yet, as shocking as my story might be, it is not a one-off. Stress and other mental health problems are the second biggest cause of sickness absence, accounting for 70 million lost working days every year.

 In 2016 the family of Dr Rose Polge, 25, called for action to halt the "crisis" affecting trainee doctors after she went missing and took her own life. According to the BBC she is one of three Junior Doctors to go missing or take their own lives related to their employment. One anesthetist wrote on the British Medical Journal website that "Just as safety is everyone's business, so is safeguarding friends & colleagues." 

Meanwhile, a Psychiatrist from Wales wrote:"Every suicide is a potentially preventable tragedy. Each one of my medical school reunions is marked by ...  our fellow med students who are no longer with us - we have lost more to suicide than for any other reason"

My story is just one of the 15,000 in this research that show this 'disposable' use of humans isn't limited to the medical profession or to office workers; it's an epidemic.
The research, which comes from a survey of 15,000 employees across 30 organisations, is released as Mind urges employers to sign up to the Workplace Wellbeing Index 2017/18. 
The new data from Mind also shows that men are less prepared to seek help and take time off than women. Alarmingly it suggests that although men are more likely to have mental health problems because of their job, women are more likely to open up and seek support from their line manager or employer.
 

In the end, I took the company to employment tribunal through ACAS but settled before the first hearing. By this point, it was months after ending up on long-term sick and having my pay cut off, I needed the money. Yet all of this, including my ongoing mental health issues, could have been prevented if the adjustments recommended by the company's Doctor weren't ignored or if the ideas in the Workplace Wellbeing Index were adopted.
(Workplace Wellbeing Index) is a benchmark of best policy and practice when it comes to staff mental health, designed to celebrate the good work employers are doing and to provide key recommendations on the specific areas where there is room to improve.

How can forcing Male staff to suicide make business sense when mental health costs employers £30billion PER YEAR?
For every 80p spent on Mental Health promotion, it has been shown to save £4 on costs (sick pay, tribunals, HR interventions, lost business). According to Mind's 2016/2017 Index, 10% of employees rated their current mental health as currently poor or very poor. Over a quarter said this was due to problems at work, not home.

Thirty organisations have joined the previous Index including the Environment Agency, Jaguar Land Rover, PepsiCo, Deloitte and Barnardo’s. Mind is now calling on forward thinking employers who want a thriving workforce rather than a barely surviving one to sign up and join these companies in the 2017/2018 Index.

If you are an unconvinced Manager or without-heart in HR, then look at the figures - can you afford not to join the Index?
Employers can find out more at www.mind.org.uk/workplace

Matt Streuli is blogger and Actor based in Iver Heath, on the edge of West London. Read more of his story and what happened next by clicking here.




 with thanks to Claire Bennett at Mind's media team. 
For interviews with Mind or myself, please contact the Mind Media Team on 0208 522 1743 or email media@mind.org.uk

  • Mind, the mental health charity, provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They campaign to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding. They won't give up until everyone experiencing a mental health problem gets both support and respect. www.mind.org.uk I'm proud to be a member.
  • Mind has a confidential information and support line, Mind Infoline, available on 0300 123 3393 (lines open 9am - 6pm, Monday – Friday)
  • In a crisis: Samaritans are open 24/7. Call free from any phone on 116 123

Back to Blog : Reboot V.2017

I knew my Childhood wasn't normal but I certainly didn't dwell on it. Children don't. They can be a lot stronger and more adaptable than we realise, depending on their age and how it is explained to them. My mother was an alcoholic.

What was a typical day like as a child? Well I got up and went to school. I've never needed a parent to wake me, did it all myself. Couldn't really be bothered with breakfast but I acted old enough to get to school and nag myself to do homework or clean the house.

I was her sole carer until she died when I was 13.

Flash forward to June 2015 and I tried to kill myself. Depression has been an ongoing symptom of my battle with mental health and the discrimination and stigma I have faced, mostly in the workplace, has only exacerbated the problem.

The main cause of my suicide attempt was stress and workload at work, since we had lost several members of staff without them being replaced, but the trigger was an incident at work where I defended someone I 'saw' as vulnerable but I came under attack. Without consciously knowing it, I needed to look after that vulnerable person just as I did when I was the sole carer for my Mother between the ages of 8 (my Step-Mum says it was when I was 10) and 13. She died from alcoholism. My 'damaged' hardware and software of my mind crashed.

I lasted just over 3 months. The trigger was when I brought something to the attention of my Senior Manager and challenged him, just like we are always being told to. I told him he had offended some of the staff and he replied with "I don't care". It set off the same cascade failure we had seen a few months earlier except this time, I asked for help. When I told that same manager I had been signed off due to work he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. I've seen GPs, my NHS psychologist, I've spoken with solicitors and legal teams at Citizens Advice Bureau and ACAS as well as the fantastic team at MIND. He discriminated against me, I assume because of my disability.

I self harmed because of him. They knowingly exacerbated my condition. If I didn't ask for help they would have my blood on their hands.

In the end, with thanks to ACAS, I took the company to an employment tribunal but settled before the first hearing. Part of me wishes I held out just to have my ‘day in court’ but by this point, months after I ended up on long-term sick and having my pay cut off, I needed the money. I went from taken 100+ phone calls a day, handling orders in excess of £1m to being unable to make or take phone calls and crying when trying to handle basic paperwork.

Almost Two years on I am so much better than when I tried to kill myself, I am will always suffer anxiety and depression linked to my condition (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I then saw a job offer as a Lollipop Man. Perfect.
Stop Means Stop!
 Failing to stop for a Lollipop Man or Lady is a £1000 fine and 3pts
A great way to get me out the house, give me reason to wake up and avoid the risks of an office. It hasn’t been easy – I’ve been sworn at, had cars swerve round me and I was even hit by a courier van in February 2017 – but in the last year I’ve become a Teaching Assistant, re-met an old school friend and fell in love with her. MADLY in love. She moved in with me, taken care of me and I proposed to her on New Years 2017. She has given me hope in life and love. We've had a few explosive adventures! The council has given me hope in employers again and being one of two male staff at the school has given me a lot of lovely caring mother figures – I can’t get away with anything!

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter  -  @MattStreuli
I should also mention how amazing my drama club has been - giving me love and care of a family of friends as well as a way of self-exploration and desperately needed distraction.

Despite being busy with road safety and school work, I still write and I aim to reboot this blog. Over the 2 years, I've produced YouTube videos and I have even taken part in Public Speaking to the MoD with Time To Change to actively encourage everyone to speak out and seek help in an attempt to fight the frightening suicide rate, despite my ongoing depression and anxiety. I even help with shortlisting for the Mind Media Awards – this will be my second year. I've even appeared in The Guardian and written for HuffPost.

I might be a lot poorer than when I worked in that office, but I am happier and physically healthier than ever before.


BELOW are links to some favourite posts of my past blog. Every view and share is really appreciated. 
When I looked at my friend sat on the kerb, I didn't see her. Just how am I to describe it? A hallucination? A flashback? It was like watching a film and suddenly the actress playing my friend was swapped with the one playing my dead mother, but I was the only one who could see it. Why did my head decide this was a helpful thing? > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html 
 It makes me feel I have achieved something and I'm not failing at life. Having a disability means I'm succeeding in survival. > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html




Mental Health:How does it affect loved ones? #WSPD

This week my blog features two posts. In the first post, I followed on from last week by looking into the suicide crisis and importantly where is the anger and scandal around it. In this post, my close friend Claire Freeman looks at mental health and suicide from another perspective; a friend or relative watching on and the feeling of being somewhat powerless. 

#WSPD - Post Two

As we approach World Suicide Prevention Day on 10th September it seems time to reflect on everybody who is affected by mental health, including the friends and families supporting their loved ones battling with their mental health illnesses.

It is a sad fact that there just isn’t enough support and care available for mental health and yet surely this is equally important as our physical health? The NHS and supporting charities such as MIND do fantastic work with the financial support and resources that they get but sadly it’s not enough and suicide rates are still too high with one death every 40 seconds. This is leading to pressures on emergency services such as when Police cells are being used as a ‘safe place’ due to a lack of NHS beds.

Being a family member or friend to someone with a mental illness is a difficult, stressful and frustrating situation. Firstly, it will always be a challenge to understand how the person is feeling and it’s a big pressure to try and help. It isn’t always easy to know what the best method of support is and all you want to do is improve the situation for your loved one even when sometimes they won’t or can’t seem to accept that help. They feel like they are a burden and want to shut everyone out to protect them but those on the outside just want to help to make it better.

The next hurdle is actually getting your loved one the help they need and deserve. With rates of suicide as high as they are, prevention rather than just trying to deal with emergencies is the key. Unfortunately, with what seems like a stretched health care system, this help is harder to come by. Counselling, GP appointments, crisis hotlines, hospital beds and medications are all viable and good resources however for most are not available when required. It is either refused completely or a waiting list is too long that it can come too late.

This is proved by an incident that occurred on this week when I was alerted by a woman outside my home screaming and crying. I instantly ran outside to see if I could help and found her on the phone to the emergency services after her brother had tried to take his life. She was distraught. I have never seen anyone so scared, anxious and inconsolable. You could physically see her heart breaking as she tried to get help from the emergency services. As she became angrier, she began venting about how the family had been asking for help and support and had continually been let down. When asking for him to be helped it was never an ‘emergency’. That one word made me feel sick. 

My family and I have personal experience in trying to get help for a loved one suffering with a mental health condition. My Grandad battled Manic Depression, now referred to as Bipolar Disorder, for the majority of his adult life. As a child, I wouldn’t have been aware but as I grew up and became more able to understand, the true nature of living with a mental illness became apparent. I know from speaking to family members that spanning over decades they struggled to get the help that was needed to improve Grandad’s quality of life. His condition was always going to be there but there were periods of time when it became more manageable due to medication etc. However, the threat of suicide had always played a part. This pattern of peaks and troughs with his illness continued throughout his life and when it was bad, it was really bad. I don’t think anyone can comprehend just how lonely and dark the world must seem to feel when the only answer is to leave it. Watching someone you love and care for actually suffer in that manner is heartbreaking. The mixture of emotions and feelings for those who have to watch on is incredible. You are upset that your loved one is hurting, you are angry and frustrated that you can’t help, you are confused as you try to even begin to understand how and why they feel that way. You can see all the positives in their lives. They have a good job, a home, a network of friends and they have you. You adore them so why is that not enough? This is perhaps the hardest part. Being able to accept that whilst they do have all those things they sadly can’t see or feel that when their illness is at its worst. You may love them to the ends of the earth but they can’t understand that because usually, they don’t see why anyone would.

In some ways our family was lucky. Although it took far too long and lots of battling we did get help along the way and the care Grandad did receive was on the whole great. He spent time in hospital on the psychiatric ward with counselling and alternative treatments. He was regularly given medication to try and manage his illness. Although I say we are lucky, is this not what we should expect? If someone had a physical illness such as Diabetes they would receive that care no questions asked. So why when it’s a mental health condition does this seem to be a struggle to get and if received it is felt to be a big win?

As a family, in my opinion, we were let down too often in the end. Grandad was the worse I had ever seen him which was extremely hard to swallow when he had previously been doing really well. So what had changed? His prescription. For some unknown reason when he saw a GP that Doctor made a decision that would affect us all in ways he could never have imagined. Grandad had been better than he had been for a long time. His prescription had been working great so what did this GP do? Changed it. We will never understand why that was deemed appropriate. Surely if something is working for a patient, and they are not harmed by what and the amount of the drugs they are given, you would leave well enough alone. As soon as this was done we were back to square one and the illness became awful for Grandad and for us around him. It was the worst time for all involved as every day was torturous for him and we were helpless to stop it. We started pushing for help again but this time, we were faced with even more struggle to get it. He needed to be in a safe place like a hospital where he could get the right support but instead, he was at home. He was a risk to himself and my Nan, an elderly woman, trying to cope. She lived every day wondering if he would be there still as he made many threats and attempts to his life. Upon calling a crisis line she was told ‘it isn’t an emergency’ because he was only about to hurt himself but he hadn’t yet. When does it become an emergency then? Once they have actually hurt themselves and it is too late? 
evanlavine/flickr

Sadly for our family that was the case and my Grandad did commit suicide. At that point, it was treated as an emergency and suddenly everyone appears to help; Police, NHS, Crisis lines. But it’s all too late. I remember upon hearing the news the expected feeling of upset and grief came over me. However, what I vividly remember was also a sense of anger. Anger at the situation, anger that we couldn’t do more to of helped, anger that when asking for help he didn’t always get it and anger that he had done this and left us to deal with the consequences. Of course the anger towards him soon faded when I considered how awful it must have been for him. People say suicide is selfish because of the impact it has on others but I say is it? When someone makes that decision they are in the worse place they could be, a place most of us will hopefully never have to experience, and feel this is the best for everyone. Whether right or wrong in their logic I think it’s far from selfish. 

This is why when I met that poor young lady on Tuesday my heart went to her. Nearly 10 years after my family battled to get the right preventative action I could see another family experiencing the exact same. Actually, now it is probably worse. We have more people than ever needing the support and care that could prevent families all over the UK from going through what mine did. As I watched on and tried to help this complete stranger, I felt I knew her. I really could put myself in her shoes. Hopefully for that family this will be the ‘emergency’ that will get the young man the help he needs.

flickr / creatinginthedark
Overall the message to take with us all is that at some point it is likely that mental illnesses or suicide will touch our lives in some way. For those who suffer with an illness personally you are not alone even if it may feel that way. Use what energy you have to fight and ask for the help you deserve. Try and let your friends and families in and let them take some of the load. You are not a burden. You are their world. And to those who have a loved one with a mental illness, stay strong and be there even when that person pushes you away. Help them to get counselling or encourage them to go to charity websites such as MIND to get advice on self-help. Try and get that person support early on and don’t feel bad for nagging the health services, they are stretched but they are fantastic at what they do.

Prevention by helping those in need far earlier in their illness could drastically reduce the number of families to experience what mine did. Action needs to be taken by the government to help mental health services with more doctors, counsellors and beds in wards where needed but also to teach self-help in schools etc. and really educate our next generations on how to look after themselves and each other. If we can ensure mental health stops being a taboo, then maybe we have a chance of fighting it more effectively.

Written by Claire Freeman

Resources for employers and schools can be found at www.time-to-change.org.uk 
In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. 
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1-800-273-8255. 
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14. Hotlines in other countries can be found here 


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