Showing posts with label kickstarter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kickstarter. Show all posts

Sometimes Depressed People Want to Live

Depression can feel like a lead weight on your chest whilst a vacuum drains the joy and energy from your soul. Some days, suicide did seem like the best option. It even felt uplifting to consider that I might have a solution or a conclusion for it all. Other days I didn't want to die but I wasn't too fussed to stay alive. To quote a Nik Kershaw song I covered last year; "It's getting harder, just keeping life and soul together. I'm sick of fighting, even though I know I should."
"Self-observation is the first step of inner unfolding."
~ Amit Ray
Workplace discrimination is illegal. However, 48 per cent of people with a mental health problem still say they would not be comfortable telling their employer about their illness. As you may of read over the past year in my blog, some employers can actually be more destructive than supportive. In fact, that employer exacerbated my condition to the point I actually tried to kill myself last year. Yet something has changed.
Read my latest article at
huffingtonpost.co.uk/matt-streuli

It dawned on me the other night.Suddenly I spotted that I wasn't just surviving to the next event or checkpoint in my life. Pushing myself to reach the next week. As I laid on the sofa, staring at the artex it clicked. I was shocked and slightly baffled. Even though the next day was just another day of volunteering, working (nearly getting hit by cars speeding on on their phones) and trying to do the basic things of being an adult (paying bills etc), I noticed that I was actually looking forward to the next day.

That's not to say that over the past thirteen years I've had some form of mental health issue that I have not looked forward to things or events. I have. I really have. But said events have been a goal to aim for and something to enjoy if or when I complete the battle to survive that long. This feeling was warm and different. Tomorrow wouldn't just be another day of putting on my outward facing mask, I'm actually looking forward to my life and I am actually enjoying it. Part of that is certainly down to my amazing friends and especially my girlfriend who not only shares my love of fun, taste in music and comedy but our bond unites and balances us in the same way 'ying and yang' or two fat kids on a see-saw do. For that metaphor to work both children would need to be equal weight and it would be the dullest day at the playground but ignoring that minor issue, I hope you get the general idea.

   Post continues below video:    Making YouTube videos is a great way to share the fun and make people smile - plus it gives me a postive creative outlet. Your support really matters - thank you for your comments, shares, likes and views :)


I'm aiming this at myself. The person who I was in the days following my suicide attempt. If you can't imagine what that mindset is like there is a fantastic TED talk at the bottom of this post. Essentially, I tried to act as if I was OK and get back to some normality as quickly as I could but I deep down knew I was broken.

The 'Mrs' and I
 Deep down I was worried I might never be fixed. Some of you reading this will be stuck in the same rut. Today, I can tell you that we may never be fixed and I'm pretty cool with that. In fact, it defines who we are. Today, I can tell you that not every day will be an exhausting battle - some days will and they really drain me. I know I'm not fixed or perfect but for the first time, in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to each day and not just seeing it as another battle in the war of life.

Whether I'm volunteering with he brilliant yet wacky children, acting on the stage of my local club, presenting my weekly radio show, writing this blog or just being with my partner; I am happy to admit that I am OK and slowly getting back to some normality. It isn't easy and I don't think my battles, based upon my tweets anyway!, will ever be over but hopefully you can see some hope to motivate you to where I am and beyond.

Thanks for reading - every view and ad-click does really make a difference. Please share this blog and my social media. 


Thank you for your support and love.   #MentalHealthMatters


 
http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/146643137157/selfie-before-school-wwwmattstreuliuk
 






Matt Streuli is a blogger who has appeared on National Radio and in National Newspapers talking about his experience with depression, 
anxiety and workplace discrimination. This week he writes about wanting to live and what that means with BPD or EUPD. 

For more information on mental illness visit Time To Change, Mind and Rethink.

 To talk to The Samaritans call 116 123.
Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Mental Health Fight & Unboxing a Little Box of Distractions

Four months ago, I tried to kill myself. The main cause was stress and workload at work, since we had lost several members of staff without them being replaced, but the trigger was an incident at work where I defended someone I 'saw' as vulnerable but I came under attack. Without consciously knowing it, I needed to look after that vulnerable person just as I was the sole carer for my Mother between the ages of 8 and 13. She died when I was 13 from alcoholism. My 'damaged' hardware and software of my mind crashed. Once I returned to work, I volunteered my NHS assessments to my employer, saw their appointed Doctor who gave them a list of adjustments (which they only followed one of) and I agreed to be more open rather than bottle things up. I did. We all did.
I lasted just over 3 months. The trigger was when I brought something to the attention of my senior Manager and challenged him, just like we are always being told to. I told him he had offended some of the staff and he replied with "I don't care". It set off the same cascade failure we had seen a few months earlier except this time, I asked for help. When I told that same manager I had been signed off due to work he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. I've seen GPs, my psychologists, I've spoken with solicitors and legal teams at Citizens Advice Bureau and ACAS as well as the fantastic team at MIND, the mental health charity. He discriminated against me, I assume because of my health condition, and tried to constructively dismiss me. I went straight to HR.

I self harmed because of him.  They knowingly exacerbated my condition.

On Monday, after some postponement, I have my first meeting with HR. If I didn't ask for help, this meeting could be taking place at an inquest in front of the press and a coroner. If I didn't ask for help they would have my blood on their hands.

I summarise my story because some of you are new to my blog. I have proactively removed any evidence of who I work for from my website and social media and I have never mentioned it here or in my interviews with the press. I want to tell my story but I do not wish for the negligent behaviour of a man to damage such a fantastic company I would work for but, I make clear, I would rather KILL MYSELF, then work in that department again or for that man again.

Such a meeting is playing on my mind. I went on a midnight walk last night to try and clear it. Will they be reasonable? Will they care about me? Will they be concerned for the welfare of those at work, working Saturdays to try and keep up? Will they want me to back in a different division?

Even though I am so much better than I was four months ago when I tried to kill myself, and better than I was a month ago when I first asked for help, my anxiety has returned and I am scared for my future. How will I pay my credit cards? My mortgage? It would be great if I could do more interviews like the one for LBC last week and fill my life with the little volunteer projects for the local Police and even this blog, but how will that feed or water me?

One way of helping people with mental health, especially those in a difficult place or an unhealthy frame of mind, is a box of distractions. Kerry Elliot is running a scheme where those who need the box can get one for free or a small donation. The scheme is crowdfunded. It is a brilliant idea and is really helping me at the moment, taking myself away from some of the more destructive thoughts. A video review is down below but boxes like this are really helping. I wonder whether a monthly box, like lootcrate, would work. I'm quite interested to use some of them and as you will see from the video, my cat Punch likes them too.

I have so much going for me. Hopefully you'll agree my interview on LBC went really well and maybe they will give me the leg up to do more media things. My radio show has a steady amount of listeners and my blog gets steadily more popular. The pantomime is coming really well and for the first time in a couple of years, I'm not being all negative and hateful towards it, an apparent side effect of work. I'm fighting. Fighting not to let them kill me. Fighting not to overthink. Fighting not to fail. Fighting for what is right and just. Fighting so that people with mental health are not locked away or left for dead. Fighting to survive and so that others survive too. Fighting to help others, and not hurt them.

I can see all of this on a loop. I'm going to open up that box and distract myself. I have to try.








http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/132933305867/buy-your-tickets-now-and-the-booking-fee-is-free

Written by 3 comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mental health is like diabetes OR Postponement and Positivity

I was really anxious. I felt low and had nightmares. Even with my birthday.

I was meant to have my first HR meeting regarding my formal complaint but due to unforeseen circumstances on their part, it has now been delayed by 2 weeks. It is an enormous weight to be lifted, but it still hangs over me. My only concern now is that when we do hold the meeting I will have been off work for a full month and potentially no investigation will have been done.


Matts birthday xx
Posted by Carol Campling on Saturday, 31 October 2015

 Still, I'm now 26 and after an awesome birthday weekend I feel enthused to be active.


However, this week we have good reason to be positive about the future. In the past few days the British public has been very open and hopefully accepting of mental health. It started with a fantastic documentary on BBC Three by the musician Professor Green around male suicide and affect his Father's suicide had. To talk about a taboo such as suicide is brave. To put then appear on BBC's flagship news programme Newsnight and discuss your own mental health, putting your reputation on the line, even more so. To educate, entertain and inform is the remit of the BBC and the join effort by BBC Three and BBC News did a fantastic job to rugby tackle such a complex and difficult issue and honestly explore it.
"The life expectancy for people with mental health problems remains 20 years lower than for the general population." - BBC News
Everyone is so scared of discussing their mental health. My own Father voiced concerns on this blog about my honesty. Would it affect my future career or how people treat me? If anything, the fantastic work being done shows that mental health is like diabetes; when managed correctly we can be perfectly functioning members of society and normal (or not!) as everyone else.

Equality is a key ethos. Everyone should be treated the same regardless of who they love, what genitals they have, their skin colour or their medical condition. Yet, I have faced discrimination. Ruby Wax with several key politicians and celebrities such at Matt Lucas, Alan Rickman and Caroline Lucas kickstarted a campaign this week. I honestly believe the staff of the NHS do their best to treat mental health equally to physical health yet we all know that in the end, this is not the case. We've discussed here on this blog before that when compared to cancer the physical signs of mental health are harder to see, that people get pushed back. For many years, Time To Change, has championed that one in four people will be affected by their mental health however it was former 'spin doctor' Alistair Campbell who argued that we all have mental health. If you read back through my blog, I have already lead a charge that we all have mental health and that it sits on a spectrum; we have all suffered with mental health moments when you take the breakups, grief and turmoil we have endured into account. Mental health isn't just the physical brain not working, but in cases like mine it appears to be more that the software on my 'computer' doesn't work either. Mental health is like diabetes; when managed correctly, whether therapy or medication or more, we can be perfectly functioning members of society. Please take this opportunity to have browse through my blog and sign this petition by those experts and celebs to pull mental health away from this victorian asylum image that horror portrays into the 21st century because, one day you will need it.

If you keep a close eye on twitter and my local newspapers, then you may see my name and that of the Iver Heath Drama Club crop up. I can confirm that Pinewood Studios has renewed their sponsorship of the club. IHDC is over 60 years old and is funded through donations, membership fees and profits from shows. It has over 40 members of all ages, abilities and disabilities and I am proud to be Chairman of the group. I am also proud to be the pantomime dame which you may have noticed. There is a video below of work thus far on our next show as well as information on our KickStarter campaign where we are raising money for props, paint and costumes through selling badges, VIP family tickets and even a dinner date with me. All the money we raise helps us keep ticket prices and membership down so we can include and entertain the whole community.

Carrying on with the club, I have been approached by Thames Valley Police in Iver to create a display regarding home safety this festive season. Did you blow that candle out? Did you lock the doors? Did you leave a light on? If you are in South Bucks and have any 'empty' and wrapped christmas presents you wish to donate, I will be at Iver Flowerland on Saturday morning constructing a makeshift bedroom with PCSO Rav Lewis.

Thank you once again for all your support and feedback on my blog and my Huffington Post articles. Please keep sharing the link to my blog and have a browse of my highlights below xxx 








A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

#equality4mentalhealth   #equality4mentalhealth

Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Buzzing yet nervous. Excited yet sleepy.

A question I am almost always asking myself is Am I right to feel how I feel or is it just my illness?
Come see me in panto! MORE INFO at the bottom of this post

Last week I explained how I was signed off work and was told "no one else has a problem" which given I tried to kill myself only four months ago is at least 'unhelpful'. I went on to make some good connections with MIND, the mental health charity, and with the Huffington Post; this is why I am buzzing. I wrote an article called Perhaps I Can Survive which has been liked on Facebook over 40 times. One person called my article "shocking", another said "painfully honest" and a third called it "inspiring".

I feel quite excited that the negativity that surrounds mental health in general and my current situation can be used in such a positive way. My new radio show has some fantastic ratings (the second show is this Friday so please do listen!) and my blog is steadily growing in visits along with my followers on Twitter. With my birthday only a week or so away and I'm signed off work until at least November, why am I nervous and sleepy?
My new DFS sofa! :)

I am signed off sick with a formal complaint lodged so I am hoping I am being paid. If not, how will any of this pay my mortgage? I am not sick enough or disabled enough to get any benefits, yet anyway so what hope do I have. Either my illness or love of gadgets, or both, is trying to get me to buy a Samsung Galaxy S6 Edge +. It's my birthday right? I've had a hard year, I almost died. I deserve this right? Yet, when I look at my credit card, I already have a debt, unless I get lucky and I do get a few radio interviews or whatever, how I will I clear it?

I don't want to rely on my parents. I don't want to beg to the state. I feel like i'm sponging meals off family and friends already.

Yesterday my washing machine passed away by creating a small swimming pool in my kitchen. I ordered a new one with fitting but that's more money I can't risk on my credit card. That is why I am nervous -being sleepy is the side effect my illness has decided is the best reply.

Still... lets focus on the positive. I have a new washing machine dryer coming, the kickstarter for our community drama club is going really well (although there is a few more adverts and VIP ticket available). I have an amazing set of family and friends and I am 'healthier' today than I was 3 weeks ago.


I guess I better go get a Euromillions ticket!
.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog  - keep scrolling for more!!    :) xx

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/131498461448/thanks-matt-loved-last-week-we-actually-had-the



http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/131414174662/my-debut-for-huffington-post-xx-thank-you-for-your

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A sense of Achievement

Over the past few weeks group therapy and my mental health has been the focus of this blog. Whether it is a list of symptoms or just my musings on how we process distress. I am very excited and thankful that my blog has been hitting a regular 220+ views a week. It would be easy to dismiss this as in the grand scheme of the 7 billion people on this rock, my weekly views is less than 0.0001% of the population. But if my honesty has helped break down the stigma of mental health or made you giggle then it was entirely worth it. It makes me feel that I have achieved something and that give you a sense of purpose and well being.







Earlier this year I backed a project on Kickstarter called "F--k the game". It works on the principle that if the word RED is in RED, it is very easy to say RED but when it is in blue and you are meant to say they colour blue; the brain sometimes finds it hard to keep up. The way Kickstarter works is that you see a project, it could be anything from a card game to a new stylish record player through to helping a play reach the west end. You make a pledge to the project and the more you pledge the better your reward. In Dragon's Den you buy a percentage of the company, on Kickstarter you get a shoutout on social media through to t shirts or one of the first products of the production line you helped to fund. It means that card games like "F--k The Game" or unique new products reach the market whereas before, due to large companies not wanted to take the risk, they would never see the light of day.

With this in mind, I've spent quite a bit of time creating a Kickstarter campaign for our forthcoming pantomime at the Iver Heath Drama Club. I've written up some information on the Drama Club site but the idea is that 'pledging' £2 we will make and send you a badge or for £30 we offer VIP Front Row family tickets. This way we get to offer merchandise with no risk to us or to you. With Kickstarter, the money is only collected when the campaign reaches its deadline and if it has exceeded or hit its target. This way if not enough money is pledged, the inventor does quit his day job or have to produce his product for those that did pledge but with insufficient budget. We've set a goal of £100 because that would be more than enough to pay for new skirts for the chorus. If we were to raise more that could offset the hall rental, buy a new Dame's dress and even pay for an advert in the newspaper.

I have also put programme adverts on there. In previous years we have had to manually create invoices and chase people for payment. This is a lot of work which one year I did delegate to a certain unnamed person who never did it - so we lost a lot of money. With Kickstarter they just pay on the website and get a receipt by email and we get a simple report telling us who has bought what, and what needs to be posted where.


Have you used KickStarter before? Do you have any tips? Would you be willing to spend a little bit more and get a VIP Family ticket or the pantomime DVD through Kickstarter so we don't have to do it manually? Below is the Kickstarter video I have made, plus some of my fun over the past week.

If it works, then we will have created a much simpler way for everyone to buy our pantomime DVD or advertising space plus a lower risk way to sell simple merchandise but most of all raise money to fund the pantomime and the club. And that is an achievement.



A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on


Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)