Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BBC. Show all posts

Remembering Family at Weddings: I Don't Really Want To...

This is a question I've been avoiding for a while.
On paper, it seems a nice idea to have a candle or a sign - perhaps even some photographs - of loved ones who have died and so are unable to attend your wedding day. My problem is that I don't particularly love my alcoholic Mother who drank herself to death when I was 13.


WedMagazine.co.uk is one of the many sites that have heartfelt articles on remembering your deceased family members and I think the idea of honouring someone close, especially when they have helped shaped who you are today, is a lovely tribute.  This particular article talks about mentioning them in the order of service, using their favourite flowers or piece of jewellery. The only proposition suitable for my dead mum is raising a glass to her but I'm not sure saying "Cheers" to so someone so dependent to booze it cost them their marriage, dignity and life is something worth writing home about. 



Part of writing my blog is to help me understand and process how I feel and what I think about certain issues or situations. It is also a great opportunity to hear your honest feedback through social media and the comments below. I guess what might seem alien is that even though she finally died in 2003, I don't think I have forgiven her. In fact, I'm still quite annoyed with her. It's not the anger I felt when I was a teenager - time has mellowed this pain to that of a mild itch.



I remember sitting on the hospital bed in which my Mum died and holding her hand.  I told her that despite everything that had happened, I forgave her. I didn't really forgive her and I still don't but I couldn't let her die thinking her only Son hated her. I was 13.

I was on BBC's Victoria Derbyshire - Click for more

We've already decided that at our wedding there will be 'nods' and elements highlighting mental health; so important to the journey that the bride and I have made to reach this day. Just in case you haven't seen my mug on TV, heard my effeminate voice on radio or my trotters on the stage: my story starts as a carer for an alcoholic Mother and leads into mental health as a teen and adult suffering workplace discrimination culminating in a suicide attempt in 2015.

Given that my Mother played a key role in creating a dysfunction home of my childhood which in turn warped the cogs of my mind and altered my programming - should I be thanking her? As an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, I know forgiveness and learning to love again is key. However, I will never really know the what and the whys that drove my mum to find relief in her dry white wine.       Continues Below...



 All of this brings me back to the idea of remembering that lost loved one. They helped shape who you are today. There can be no doubt that the actions and inactions of my Mother were a huge influence in the avenues my life has travelled. Perhaps rather than raising a glass, I could raise a middle finger? Despite everything, look how far I've come and look how far I will go.

What would you do?  Do you have a loved one you're not entirely sure you want to remember? Do you just ignore them and gloss over it? Or should I stop my whining and do a small tribute so I'm not being such a monster? Leave a comment below or my Facebook page.

After everything, she is my Mother. 





Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mauve Alert!

 Based upon reading back on my past blog posts and tweets it seems that my 'black patches' seem to occur every four to five weeks. In case you are new to my story - welcome by the way - I go through ups and downs or  I tend to think of a cycle like a radio wave and the difference between my radio wave and yours is that my troughs go alot deeper. I feel okay but I can see what's coming and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if it isn't a storm I won't ride out.

My credit card debt is growing. To try and make my pay last that little bit longer, I had been moving my spending to credit rather than debit. I have no idea if it was luck or skill but the money I had not spent plus my statutory sick pay was just enough to cover my mortgage which leaves my overdraft to hopefully handle the water, gas and TV.
I have my change savings jar which I will have to use for bread, milk and that ever increasing prescription fee. On a slight tangent, I know I shouldn't complain about the NHS prescription fee given that my meds would cost over $40+ in the US so at least I'm saving around £11 depending on the exchange rate. At the time of writing this, I am due to make a payment on my credit card but as I'm already in overdraft, I'm not in a position to make any payment let alone the minimum. I doubt any bailiffs will appear for a while but, and it could be my anxiety, I feel like I'm falling past yellow alert.
"Well, it's like not as bad as a red alert, but a bit worse than a blue alert -- sort of a mauve alert." - Holly, BBC comedy 'Red Dwarf'
I write all of this with some frustration yet hope. Thanks to ACAS, we have been close to resolving my employment situation - something I'll let you read up on from my past blog posts. It really looked like there was an end to this long drawn out blockade. However, I carefully read anything before I sign it and there in the terms was a 'gagging' order. It would prevent me from ever telling my story. I've never said anything insulting and I have no intention to. I've not named the company or persons  who I hold accountable and with the agreement we've reached I do not want to.  I can understand the poor solicitor sitting opposite me who is under pressure to silence this threat. Whilst a tribunal would be messy and expensive for me, the cost of shutting down a vital department to attend the tribunal hearings and the embarrassment of being named in public court records is something they would prefer to avoid.

Perhaps it is the pessimist in me? I know things could be worse and I know I'm OK for this month and but it feels like its coming over the horizon. Even with this and that I'm due a black patch, I will never sign an agreement that completely prevents me from telling my story. Silencing victims would only perpetuate the stigma of mental health.
Read last week's post - Click Here

The illness sits on my shoulder holding a file. A manila brown file with papers inside. Another option that without my illness I might ignore. Whenever I find myself panicking about missed direct debits  and how it all leads to my life falling apart with repossessions and bailiffs, it waves that file. It might seem alien to you but I feel some comfort knowing that I would rather kill myself than allow that to happen. The stress would be over with no fears for the future and as a bonus: if a tribunal is embarrassing, stressful and expensive; a public suicide and subsequent inquest much more so.

As I started, I feel OK and there is hope. I had a job interview last week with another this week. I could have two job offers and one of them has a higher starting pay than what I was on when the 'incident' happened. It could all pan out that I end up with a new job and income before utilities complain too much. I could also win the lottery or find my blog suddenly goes viral and media stuff pays the bills. Perhaps it is my illness but disaster seems the most likely. The tornado isn't quite here yet so no need for red alert; I'll stick to Purple for now.

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog on your social media. Comments are always welcome and I read every one. Thanks again.


I cannot sign a gagging order that prevents me from telling my story and the truth. I have not and have no intention of...
Posted by MattStreuli.uk - Mental Health Aware on Friday, 26 February 2016


Follow me on Linkedin www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=343808296
Posted by MattStreuli.uk - Mental Health Aware on Tuesday, 1 March 2016


* Please Note: I write my blogs as it helps me process how I feel and in that way is theraputic. I'm not asking for money or attention and I hate feeling like I owe people things. That said, if you need someone to talk on mental health and there is money or at least BFH (bus fare home) in it, then I would love to help. I like to give yet not keen on receiving!
Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

Mental health is like diabetes OR Postponement and Positivity

I was really anxious. I felt low and had nightmares. Even with my birthday.

I was meant to have my first HR meeting regarding my formal complaint but due to unforeseen circumstances on their part, it has now been delayed by 2 weeks. It is an enormous weight to be lifted, but it still hangs over me. My only concern now is that when we do hold the meeting I will have been off work for a full month and potentially no investigation will have been done.


Matts birthday xx
Posted by Carol Campling on Saturday, 31 October 2015

 Still, I'm now 26 and after an awesome birthday weekend I feel enthused to be active.


However, this week we have good reason to be positive about the future. In the past few days the British public has been very open and hopefully accepting of mental health. It started with a fantastic documentary on BBC Three by the musician Professor Green around male suicide and affect his Father's suicide had. To talk about a taboo such as suicide is brave. To put then appear on BBC's flagship news programme Newsnight and discuss your own mental health, putting your reputation on the line, even more so. To educate, entertain and inform is the remit of the BBC and the join effort by BBC Three and BBC News did a fantastic job to rugby tackle such a complex and difficult issue and honestly explore it.
"The life expectancy for people with mental health problems remains 20 years lower than for the general population." - BBC News
Everyone is so scared of discussing their mental health. My own Father voiced concerns on this blog about my honesty. Would it affect my future career or how people treat me? If anything, the fantastic work being done shows that mental health is like diabetes; when managed correctly we can be perfectly functioning members of society and normal (or not!) as everyone else.

Equality is a key ethos. Everyone should be treated the same regardless of who they love, what genitals they have, their skin colour or their medical condition. Yet, I have faced discrimination. Ruby Wax with several key politicians and celebrities such at Matt Lucas, Alan Rickman and Caroline Lucas kickstarted a campaign this week. I honestly believe the staff of the NHS do their best to treat mental health equally to physical health yet we all know that in the end, this is not the case. We've discussed here on this blog before that when compared to cancer the physical signs of mental health are harder to see, that people get pushed back. For many years, Time To Change, has championed that one in four people will be affected by their mental health however it was former 'spin doctor' Alistair Campbell who argued that we all have mental health. If you read back through my blog, I have already lead a charge that we all have mental health and that it sits on a spectrum; we have all suffered with mental health moments when you take the breakups, grief and turmoil we have endured into account. Mental health isn't just the physical brain not working, but in cases like mine it appears to be more that the software on my 'computer' doesn't work either. Mental health is like diabetes; when managed correctly, whether therapy or medication or more, we can be perfectly functioning members of society. Please take this opportunity to have browse through my blog and sign this petition by those experts and celebs to pull mental health away from this victorian asylum image that horror portrays into the 21st century because, one day you will need it.

If you keep a close eye on twitter and my local newspapers, then you may see my name and that of the Iver Heath Drama Club crop up. I can confirm that Pinewood Studios has renewed their sponsorship of the club. IHDC is over 60 years old and is funded through donations, membership fees and profits from shows. It has over 40 members of all ages, abilities and disabilities and I am proud to be Chairman of the group. I am also proud to be the pantomime dame which you may have noticed. There is a video below of work thus far on our next show as well as information on our KickStarter campaign where we are raising money for props, paint and costumes through selling badges, VIP family tickets and even a dinner date with me. All the money we raise helps us keep ticket prices and membership down so we can include and entertain the whole community.

Carrying on with the club, I have been approached by Thames Valley Police in Iver to create a display regarding home safety this festive season. Did you blow that candle out? Did you lock the doors? Did you leave a light on? If you are in South Bucks and have any 'empty' and wrapped christmas presents you wish to donate, I will be at Iver Flowerland on Saturday morning constructing a makeshift bedroom with PCSO Rav Lewis.

Thank you once again for all your support and feedback on my blog and my Huffington Post articles. Please keep sharing the link to my blog and have a browse of my highlights below xxx 








A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on

#equality4mentalhealth   #equality4mentalhealth

Written by No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)