Back to Blog : Reboot V.2017

I knew my Childhood wasn't normal but I certainly didn't dwell on it. Children don't. They can be a lot stronger and more adaptable than we realise, depending on their age and how it is explained to them. My mother was an alcoholic.

What was a typical day like as a child? Well I got up and went to school. I've never needed a parent to wake me, did it all myself. Couldn't really be bothered with breakfast but I acted old enough to get to school and nag myself to do homework or clean the house.

I was her sole carer until she died when I was 13.

Flash forward to June 2015 and I tried to kill myself. Depression has been an ongoing symptom of my battle with mental health and the discrimination and stigma I have faced, mostly in the workplace, has only exacerbated the problem.

The main cause of my suicide attempt was stress and workload at work, since we had lost several members of staff without them being replaced, but the trigger was an incident at work where I defended someone I 'saw' as vulnerable but I came under attack. Without consciously knowing it, I needed to look after that vulnerable person just as I did when I was the sole carer for my Mother between the ages of 8 (my Step-Mum says it was when I was 10) and 13. She died from alcoholism. My 'damaged' hardware and software of my mind crashed.

I lasted just over 3 months. The trigger was when I brought something to the attention of my Senior Manager and challenged him, just like we are always being told to. I told him he had offended some of the staff and he replied with "I don't care". It set off the same cascade failure we had seen a few months earlier except this time, I asked for help. When I told that same manager I had been signed off due to work he replied "No one else has a problem." He even tried to convince me to resign. I've seen GPs, my NHS psychologist, I've spoken with solicitors and legal teams at Citizens Advice Bureau and ACAS as well as the fantastic team at MIND. He discriminated against me, I assume because of my disability.

I self harmed because of him. They knowingly exacerbated my condition. If I didn't ask for help they would have my blood on their hands.

In the end, with thanks to ACAS, I took the company to an employment tribunal but settled before the first hearing. Part of me wishes I held out just to have my ‘day in court’ but by this point, months after I ended up on long-term sick and having my pay cut off, I needed the money. I went from taken 100+ phone calls a day, handling orders in excess of £1m to being unable to make or take phone calls and crying when trying to handle basic paperwork.

Almost Two years on I am so much better than when I tried to kill myself, I am will always suffer anxiety and depression linked to my condition (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I then saw a job offer as a Lollipop Man. Perfect.

Stop Means Stop!
 Failing to stop for a Lollipop Man or Lady is a £1000 fine and 3pts

A great way to get me out the house, give me reason to wake up and avoid the risks of an office. It hasn’t been easy – I’ve been sworn at, had cars swerve round me and I was even hit by a courier van in February 2017 – but in the last year I’ve become a Teaching Assistant, re-met an old school friend and fell in love with her. MADLY in love. She moved in with me, taken care of me and I proposed to her on New Years 2017. She has given me hope in life and love. We've had a few explosive adventures! The council has given me hope in employers again and being one of two male staff at the school has given me a lot of lovely caring mother figures – I can’t get away with anything!

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter  -  @MattStreuli

I should also mention how amazing my drama club has been - giving me love and care of a family of friends as well as a way of self-exploration and desperately needed distraction.

Despite being busy with road safety and school work, I still write and I aim to reboot this blog. Over the 2 years, I've produced YouTube videos and I have even taken part in Public Speaking to the MoD with Time To Change to actively encourage everyone to speak out and seek help in an attempt to fight the frightening suicide rate, despite my ongoing depression and anxiety. I even help with shortlisting for the Mind Media Awards – this will be my second year. I've even appeared in The Guardian and written for HuffPost.

I might be a lot poorer than when I worked in that office, but I am happier and physically healthier than ever before.


BELOW are links to some favourite posts of my past blog. Every view and share is really appreciated. 

When I looked at my friend sat on the kerb, I didn't see her. Just how am I to describe it? A hallucination? A flashback? It was like watching a film and suddenly the actress playing my friend was swapped with the one playing my dead mother, but I was the only one who could see it. Why did my head decide this was a helpful thing? > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html 

 It makes me feel I have achieved something and I'm not failing at life. Having a disability means I'm succeeding in survival. > http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/i-cannot-do-2015-again.html

Bernina Tin VINTAGE full of machine accs

: https://t.co/23SgN3rbII via @eBay_UK

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) May 28, 2017

Theresa May in The Crisis From Our Minds

It may sound like a "B" list movie from the 1950's but Mrs May is our next Prime Minister and whilst every other blog is pondering how she will face Brexit or the Tax dodging of whichever evil corporation we despise this season, I'm curious how she will face the mental health crisis.

In essence, do we have reason to hope things can get better?

Her work history is actually quite impressive. She has served in several Cabinets (the main operating committee of the Government) and Shadow Cabinets (the main opposition's version). At one point she was Chair of the Conservative Party and described as a one-nation liberal conservative. Aside from her work as Minister for Women and Equality and is now the longest serving Home Secretary in UK history. To compare our Government to a real-world business, this means she has been a senior executive who actually does the work the CEO boasts about at your annual conference. If I'm starting to sound rather Pro-May its because I'm slowly convincing myself with all the more research I do.

Anne Perkins of The Guardian observed that "she'll be nobody's stooge"

However, actions can speak louder than words and some actions do not reflect well, especially in hindsight.

Perhaps like me, you had forgotten the pet cat? I'm not referring to Larry the Chief Mouser at Downing Street but instead the cat which belonged to a man facing deportation. It brought to attention the quote in the adjacent picture that in summary, this gentlemen was not deported because he owned a cat. This later turned out to be a whisker or two from the truth. Said man was in a real long-term relationship here in the UK and the cat was just one piece of evidence in said tribunal.

Mrs May, through her husband, has links with security firm G4S which also gained some large sub-contracts from HM Government and Police forces during her time as Home Secretary. At one point the Police Federation described her as a 'Bully' with the curious 'unnamed sources' saying she was selling our Police to Serco; however this was after she demanded they make reforms in the wake of scandals such as Stephen Lawrence and cut the extreme high pay for the 'union' leaders out of the tax pocket.

Just a week ago the National Audit Office published a pretty bad report regarding a 'detention centre' called Yarl's Wood. The report criticised  Theresa May’s Home Office and NHS England who gave to Serco and G4S contracts to run Yarl’s Wood’s residential and health services which ‘did not initially meet the needs of the vulnerable population detained there’

AND THERE IS MORE! However, we all have bad stains in our past. I'm assuming you've read some past posts of my blog so you've seen my trials and tribulations to no end! Perhaps I should focus on how far we have come? A survey by Office for National Statistics in 2007 showed that 22% of people surveyed thought that the mentally ill were “a burden on society”. Shocking but in 9 years alot has changed and some of the seeds seem to be from Mrs May.

In 2012, our Prime Minister was the Home Secretary and she widened the laws on Domestic Violence. Previously it had felt rather cold and logical basing justice on physical damage but now "mental torment" is taken into account. Controlling and Bullying may not be physical but is rightly seen to cause harm now in the eyes of the court.

Read my latest Huffington Post article!

In the last few days, Theresa May has promised to put real workers on the boards of big business to ensure they start working for employees and not just shareholders. Given my personal, harrowing experience with workplace discrimination, this comes to me with a massive glimmer of hope.

Over the past year £15 million has been allocated to provide medical care for those in mental health need who previously would of been held in a Police cell. Promising this action in 2014, Theresa said "Most members of the public won’t think of the police in relation to people with mental health needs ... Unless you have done something wrong, or been a victim of crime, you won’t expect to come across a police officer. So imagine what it is like for the thousands of people with mental health problems, learning disabilities or other vulnerabilities who regularly encounter the police" I find it slightly scary to say but true to her word, change is slowly happening. In February this year Mrs May banned Police cells being used as a 'place of safety' for all Under 18s. In 2013 a report found that mental health took up 20% of the Police's time and it actually looks like Mrs May is getting the Police back to fighting crime and us, the patients, into some healthcare situation instead of a cell. Along with Karen Bradly (Minister for Preventing Abuse, Exploitation and Crime) and  Alistair Burt (Minister for Mental Health) the use of Police cells for holding mental health patients is down 50%.between 2011 and 2015.

Too often and for far too long, vulnerable people experiencing a mental health crisis who have committed no crime have found themselves in a police cell because there is nowhere else to go. - Karen Brady MP

This isn't an easy battle to win.

 As a recent survey from the Youth Health Parliament shows, patients are desperate for earlier intervention with more face-to-face help, there is a still an uphill struggle. My own personal struggle reflects the bigger mental health crisis but I think Theresa May has the tools and the willpower to bring real positive change to the face of mental health and the male suicide crisis. I think we have reason to be optimistic...

If you suffer from mental health problems, there's too often not enough help to hand.              - Theresa May MP

Mrs May....
Some children wait 32 weeks for mental health treatment whilst suicide is the biggest killer of men. You might only have a few years but I think this is our best chance to save our lives. It's Time to Change and you can help us do it.

As always thank you for reading and sharing my blog - and even browsing my past posts on my own first hand experience with mental health. Every view and share really helps fight the stigma and spread understanding. xx Below is some of my social media highlights - please enjoy and share :)
Thanks again! Matt xx

.@TheresaMay2016 I'd love to meet/speak about reforms in mental health and workplace discrimination. We can prevent suffering like I faced

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) July 11, 2016

Take time to reflect on your day. Learn, accept and relax. Tomorrow's a new day of opportunities www.MattStreuli.uk #blogger #mentalhealth #inspiration

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Jul 12, 2016 at 11:05am PDT

Trying to Accept I Can't Solve Things I Can Solve

I think I'm a bit of a lazy person but my Psychologist disagrees. I could have curled up and hidden myself with the events of last October but instead I used what energy I could muster to fight. Rather than glue myself to a TV, which I did to some extent, I wrote this blog. At times I've set goals on how many YouTube videos to produce as well as pushed myself to be active in the community with continually improving the drama club and improving myself through my weekly radio show and through my work with Time To Change.

I hate inequality. One of the big motivators for me writing this blog is that no one should have to go through what I did either as a child when I was the sole carer for my alcoholic mother but also for the horrible treatment I've received because of my disability. And yes, my mental health condition is a disability - I didn't realise it at first but as I shared on this Huffington Post article there are quite a lot of us out there with mental health issues that affect our quality of life.


Rather than going to celebrate a very successful summer show, I ended up feeling really low. It was all because the 2nd, 3rd and 4th lanes of the M40 were closed. For a few miles overhead signs had indicated the lanes were closed with arrows indicating that lane to merge into the next lane until the red X appeared. I was in lane 1. I was stationary only to discover that it was because all manner of vehicles were storming down the carriageway, through the red X signs and then barging into lane 1. Worryingly people seem oblivious that passing a Red X is a criminal offence. It should cost you 6 points on your license and a £60 fixed fine. Yet no one, as far as I can see, is enforcing it. Enforcing it, would pay for itself and generate extra funds for 'more bobbies on the beat' as well as encouraging safer use of our roads.

As you may have seen from past posts here, I am a lollipop man and I witness all sorts of behaviour on the roads. There was a time when I reported every vehicle I saw that failed to stop when signalled to do so or where the driver was clearly on their phone. What I find infuriating is that I can see the solution to this but I cannot do it or use it. How simple would it be to have a camera that I then edit the footage for each offence and auto-generate a warning letter or fine, Such a system much exists or even if I have to do it manually, it will still be worth it. "If you tolerate this, then your children will be next". Does something hideous have to happen before we will take action and actually bring justice on those behaving likes twonks?

I cannot go into much detail about my particular incident on the crossing but to say I signalled a minibus to stop and steadily and safely it did. Within seconds I had spotted the vehicle inches from my back and was shocked to hear the driver hurling abuse at me including calling me "suicidal" and "mental". I get that the Police are overstretched but I cannot see that anything is being done. Again, I'm left with an unsupported authority with people trying to maim or kill me.

I guess my fear is that if people are not penalised for their selfish and deadly behaviour, whether it is hitting me on the crossing or hitting a Road Engineer in a closed line, then said behaviour will spread. A "they didn't get told off and it is a quicker so I'll copy" mentality. Slowly the hole level of driving is slowly dropping. Admit it, you've seen it with people on their phones texting or calling with one or no hands on the steering wheel. All it takes is an excited child into the road or a tiny sideways drift on to the kerb and people will die.

I felt really hurt and I will take this opportunity to say a huge thank you and well done to the call handler at the Police and the local Gent from the Residents Association who talked it through with me and helped me calm down and accept what had happened.

In some ways these are not situations I can resolve but they do passionately make me feel that I have viable solutions, where a CCTV operator could even fund itself and the warning letters it would mostly send. Yet, I am trapped watching things slowly get worse which combined with the threat of someone either getting out and killing me or just running me down in their van is more stress than it is worth.

I've spoken this through with my Psychologist and it seems to resonate with my unequal or unjust treatment in my pas discrimination and even with the way I feel toward my now-dead mother. I have to find ways to accept that I cannot make the changes I feel are needed and I have to accept I can do only what I can do - which is fine for minor issues but not for ones where people are going to die.

Still, I guess this isn't my biggest worry. Given I've never held, but I am entitled to, a UK passport perhaps I should be worried 'they' will try to deport me on my Swiss one. Weirder things have happened. As mentioned last week, mental illness is like a marathon and the next stage is realising this isn't something I can change correctly overnight. Just like my tattoo, this could be the end but the story is ongoing.

Somethings I can solve and don't need stressing over as I can solve them later but these issues feel like life or death yet I cannot fix it. Part of me doesn't want to 'accept' that.

How do you accept 'solveable' issues out of your control? How does Brexit affect you and your mental health? Tips or tricks for me? Please share and Comment :)

Feeling much better after what started as a horrible day.  Having #mentalhealth abuse shouted at you at work doesn't help you feel good

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) June 23, 2016

 

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/146351364167/earlier-today-a-man-shouted-at-me-that-i-was

 


#mentalhealth #discrimination #disabilities 🎭 #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #medicatedandmighty #BPD #depression #blogger #london 🇨🇭🇬🇧 #mind #stigma #timetochange #timetotalk #imnotashamed #sicknotweak #InTheMind #endthestigma #eupd #ExploreMH

Up&Up

Where does time go?
Welcome to my new look blog! I've spent the last day or two tweaking its facade as everything needs a refresh from time to time; so welcome to it. Unless of course you are new to my blog and didn't see the last look - I mean you are still welcome but it is all new. Or perhaps you are visiting in the far future and the blog has gone through one or more updates still. Either way, I'll wipe the dribble from my chin and welcome all of you to my blog.

If you are new to the story, or just in need of a recap, I'm Matt. I'm 26 and lucky enough to live in my own flat with my cat and my girlfriend who has just moved in. We met as teenagers and drifted apart over senior school until a few months ago our paths crossed again. Despite being apart our paths have similar parallels. I mostly blog about my adventures and battles in life; the biggest one being with my mental health. My diagnosis has evolved since my teenage years from Depression to Bipolar Disorder to Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and most recently onto EUPD or Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Depending on the specialist and their field of study there is some debate over nature and nurture as to the source of my mental illness. Perhaps it is inherited or it is the breakdown of my parents' marriage when I was 7 and 8 which lead me into being the sole carer for my alcoholic Mother until her demise when I was 13. I've had good and bad: I've achieved 12 GCSEs and 3 A Levels but I have also suffered from Workplace Discrimination.

Whether you have just joined us or you've read a few of my past posts (or you are a star and read them all including clicking on adverts hehe!) then you can see how understanding mental illness has been a key part of my life. At times it has lead me into darkness - my suicide attempt a year ago and the scars I bear from past Self-Harm. In other times it has given me power and strength - I've written for The Guardian, spoken publicly on stigma and discrimination in workplaces for charities on mental health and stress. It even helped introduce me and connect me to my partner. For quite a while now, I've dabbled with the thought of a tattoo until on Saturday a chance tweet from my best friend Aidan ended up in the three of us getting the Semicolon Tattoo.

"The semicolon is used when a sentence could have ended, but didn't."

Post continues below video: 

Within 90 seconds the permanent, matching and deeply meaningful marks were done. They still need a bit of care with some moisturiser but they look pretty good - except for the obvious shaved patch where my tattoo lives! I felt incredibly anxious about the pain which is why I needed the group mentality to ever do it but like with so many things I over worry about - it wasn't all that bad. Caroline, my girlfriend, is interested in more but I have no intentions.

When I'm not blogging, I am the proud Chairman of a local drama club which helps install confidence and social or community ethics into our youth - as it did for me. I like to make a few YouTube videos, mostly of drama shows and unboxings. I also present a weekly radio show as well as stop the chaos as a Lollipop Man. Recently, thanks to the support of my amazing Lady, I have become more active in a local primary school which has included making snails from pipe cleaners and pruning the outdoor area while on a treasure hunt.

 Initially I was petrified of any big working commitment. As I've mentioned in previous weeks - why risk what I have now? Whether you look at my mental or physical health, I am better today than I have been for years although having no full time job or support in state benefits means the contrary for my bank balance. Just a few days here and there at the school and instead of being overwhelmed or flooded with depression and anxiety, I find myself excited to be there more and sad when I'm not. Even if it is just supervising or hovering around, our youngsters are bright and imaginative each with a unique personality of cheekiness and charm. I've been with Caroline to a few open days on teaching and Primary Education and I can tell you that despite it being a slightly bizarre world, it is a beautiful and intelligent one.

I've prattled on enough for one post so as one youngster said to me recently: "Zip it!"
#TheCheek! #Kids...who'dhave'em!

Oh and I didn't even mention how amazing Coldplay were - big thanks to my Bestie Aidan for organising that fantastic event. Their latest single is Caroline and my current favourite - hence the title for this week. With Caroline potentially off to Uni and I'm getting better and well enough to volunteer more and more - things are going Up and Up.

Thank you for reading, sharing and clicking all over my blog. Please do have a look at the links above and the social media fun below.
You are stars! xx

Up&Up #coldplay #coldplaywembley "we're gonna get it together and flower" 🌸 #music www.MattStreuli.uk #blogger #mentalhealth

A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Jun 15, 2016 at 2:28pm PDT

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/146005088380/coldplaywembley-wwwmattstreuliuk

Dealing with a #mentalillness is like running a lifelong #marathon, the process, the preparation, the defeat, coming back strong, injuries

— Vaanie | MH Voices (@MH_Voices) June 21, 2016

#Stress can mean Death or Success - #MHW2016 #MensHealthWeek

Sometimes I feel an enormous sense of a frustration. It can feel like I'm screaming. I'm not the only one but it can feel few and far between and ineffective to say the least. There was a time when the screams were for cancer. The horrible pain, high death rate and inexplicable stigma; yet everyone knew someone close who was suffering or suffered. Over time, charities along with institutions like the NHS and the HSE (Health and Safety Executive) have rallied the screams and presented a united front line.

So where is that rally call for mental health? Slowly the stigma is being tackled yet in 2016, suicide remains the biggest killer of men aged under 45 and teenage men. Meanwhile, more teenagers are self harming than ever before. Gradually support in schools is improving but still falls far short of basic levels found as standard in the US. If you have been reading my story then you will understand that I found myself trapped in a job as my mental health deteriorated until, 12 months ago, I tried to kill myself. I had been choosing my job over my own health and as we've discussed before, with a unsupportive employer this nearly killed me.

Stress is a key theme this Men's Health Week and sometimes stress can be good. It is perfectly reasonable to feel some stress as you are heading towards a deadline. A prime example for me is the work I've been doing with the Iver Heath Drama Club. For the past 5 months, I've been in charge of the Youth efforts. I've been coordinating with Scenery designers, painters and builders. I've liaised with the director of the Adult team's production. I've enlisted the help of our costume team, make up and tried to help run the box office. I've lead the way on the club's social media. I've done all of this with the help and support of some amazing friends and comrades. I've done all of this on top of actually planning, producing and directing a show with 15 people in it who are mostly aged 7 to 15 and a mixture of abilities and disabilities. I've felt stressed. I've seen some bad rehearsals. Yet when the curtain closed on our first performance to a big applause, I felt a huge wave of achievement. Stress was there to keep pushing me on, ensure I appreciated the task and its burdens and strive for the best I could do. To those fantastic youngsters on the stage and to those behind you, you did me and your club proud.

Life is full of stress but there are many different kinds. For example, did you know an average officer worker is more stressed on a busy commute than a stunt pilot? There are different kinds of stress and while no one can deny a stunt pilot is under pressure, he experiences the stress as a positive adrenalin rush. Where as Mr MiddleManagment's heart is exploding as the traffic again slows to a crawl on the M25. - My Blog on my Pessimism from early June 2016

However, too much stress can also cripple you. You might just be pushing on but physical pain can appear in your back as a sign of your hidden stressful burden. In fact, in 2013 the HSE recorded 9.9 million sick days due to mental health. The biggest culprit of those days was stress.

Sometimes stress can be really short term - building up to a project or a meeting. Sometimes it can go on forever and getting worse along the way - my experience as discussed on this blog is that staff were not replaced and workload steadily increasing and becoming more complicated without adequate support despite asking and getting a Doctor's support for it.

My girlfriend, Blue_Smudge, and I:Click here for our latest unboxing video!

My mental health disability can be a cycle. This means that when I am OK or feeling good, I pressure myself to get as much done as I can and to a high standard. This combines with other stresses in my life, other triggers, and therefore causes my condition to worse. In essence, sometimes we can generate our own stress and particulary so with the stress and stigma of mental health. Sometime I worry what people will perceive, think and feel of me that I struggle to do anything but feel anxiety (stress) over it.

One in four of you will develop a mental health problem. That is odds of 3 to 1. According to the Men's Health Forum it is the same as France or Germany winning the Euro 2016 .

"There are many things we can do to beat stress: exercise, sing, dance, laugh, play or listen to music, paint, write, volunteer, learn something new and lots more. Tell us what you do. Let's talk.
Our message to men: talk about how you beat stress, talk about what causes it. Talk to your mates, talk to your family" - Men's Health Forum

Earlier in the year I visited AWE Burghfield (link here) with Time To Change. This is one of many employers who realise that it is far cheaper, healthier and profitable to prevent serious or long term sickness caused by mental health and stress but early intervention and basic plans of support. We should champion and support these forward thinking supportive employers because far to many of us are being damaged (in terms of mental health) and left on a scrapheap. Left as a burden to the NHS and, if we are 'sick enough' to qualify for some benefits like PIP. 

Search #HelpGBWorkWell on Twitter

 Sometimes I stress about things outside of my control. Sometimes that stress is closer to anxiety. Will I ever be normal? Will I ever go back to having a relatively successful office career with a decent wage? The anxiety and stress of no benefits, little income and my mental health issues slowly bounce from one question to the next with my pessimism saying "Don't Risk It!"  In short, bad stress pins you down and exacerbates any doubts or depression you may have.

I worked in customer service and logistics. We used to say "Manage Expectations". Perhaps its time we all managed our expectations of ourselves and learnt to not only share and support our friends and colleagues who need it but also call out those building the problem stress in the first place.

The first thing you can do is take time to talk about your mental health, especially stress, and find good supportive managers, friends and family. To be that supportive friend too. By reading and sharing blogs and stories like mine, you are fighting the stigma on stress,

My anxiety says I shouldn't risk going into any work but I know most managers and employers want the best from and for you. Do not be afraid to seek professional help, speak to a manager and a GP, if you feel that you are no longer able to manage things on your own. Many people feel reluctant to seek help as they feel that it is an admission of failure. It is part of the reason why it took me so long to even get on the waiting list for NHS help - I kept trying to 'man up'.

It is important to get help as soon as possible so you can begin to get better and stay in work; not end up damaged and unable to work like me. With Suicide being the biggest killer of men, isn't now the time to issue that rally call and unite the fight?

Thank you for reading and sharing my blog. All comments and tweets are welcome xx 

Read my latest #mentalhealth article on #huffpost @huffpostuk - My Amygdala brought my dead mum back to life! Www.MattStreuli.uk

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Jun 14, 2016 at 3:31pm PDT

 Click here for my HUFFINGTON POST article: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/matt-streuli/my-amygdala-brought-my-al_b_10435194.html

12 months ago, I tried to kill myself.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men.

Read my story at... https://t.co/yunIgrt3HL

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) June 13, 2016

I'm Matt. I'm 26 and I write a mental health blog and articles for the Huffington Post. I'm also the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks. I host The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio and live near West London. 
Videos: YouTube.com/MattStreuli
Twitter : @mattstreuli
Tumblr : mattstreuli.tumblr.com/

Too ill to work, not ill enough to get help - A Mental Health Dilemma

Happy Easter! My Sister, Anna, and I. 

Where has the past seven days gone? I'm feeling slightly anxious just trying to remember the past seven days or perhaps it is nerves about today.
My shirt is ironed, pen and pad ready and my route checked; I'm off to the inaugural meeting of the UK's Youth Health Parliament. More on that later as first I want to talk to you about how I feel betrayed or let down by 'the system'.

I started working at 16, cleaning toilets at a major theme park. By 18, I was working in a off license whilst finishing off my A Levels. Aside from a brief spell of part time bar work (Threshers went into administration), I've been in work almost continuously from the age of 16 through to 26. As I've got older, I've earnt more and so contributed more to the tax system. For those of you new to my story, I take this chance to point out that I've been out of work due to my mental health, with additional stigma and discrimination for almost six months. In November 2015 I applied to PIP or Personal Independence Payments. Disability Living Allowance is being phased out and this is the successor. As you may of seen in my Huffington Post article I was  bit taken back to discover I am legally disabled, my symptoms meets the criteria. My PIP application has the support of my GP and included a statement from a friend which is why I felt so irritated to be told that two weeks after a meeting with their appointed independent nurse, 5 months after filling out the original forms, that I am not eligible for support.

Blog Continues below this tweet:

Got my #PIP decision letter today. Recognises my 'health issues' but don't qualify for support. So I'm not well enough and not sick enough?

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) March 24, 2016

 Click here for last week's blog post :Read more on my PIP story and how cuts to the NHS and welfare affect Mental Health here

Unless this post, or some of the other more popular posts on my weekly blog, suddenly go viral the advert revenue (please click a advert!) isn't covering my water bill let alone anything else. The staff of our NHS are amazing, but they are underfunded and overwhelmed with the mental health crisis before us.

What does mental health look like?
With thanks to SANE

As I've ranted before, the UK is the 5th largest economy in the world yet the biggest killer of Men is suicide; not cancer, car crashes or terrorism. How can we live in a country where the rate of teenagers self-harming is now at a all time high? The law makes it illegal to discriminate between mental and physical health yet we don't see the suicide crisis being rugby tackled like cancer is!

Mental health charities get it. The NHS chiefs get it. The Police, angry that they are being used as a emergency care and detention facility for mental health get it. Even the Royal Family, with Princess Kate and Prince William's work for MIND and editing the Huffington Post plus Harry's work with the armed forces and on PTSD, get it. Even Iain Ducan Smith with his recent resignation (see last week's post) finally gets it. Politicians are saying the right thing yet we see Junior Doctors being exploited, overworked and stripped; how can I expect them to fight the fire of the male suicide crisis with things just getting worse?
Why are the actions, stripping and dissolving the NHS plus quietly backtracking from promises on mental health services, not matching their words?

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Last week as I moderated the @MH_Voices twitter feed, I shared a tweet which showed a reply to a referall. In essence, the referral was being rejected because the waiting list was too long. Why was the waiting list for mental health referral too long? There was no Psychologist in the role.

>  BLOG CONTINUES BELOW TWEET

For those who wonder why GPs prescribe antidepressants rather than send pts for CBT/talking therapy, this is why. pic.twitter.com/oTDGJb2Dac

— Marie Scully (@MarieOScully) March 24, 2016

Scroll back through my archive
to read more of my mental health story:
 Borderline Personality Disorder &
 Adult Child of a dead alcoholic

Oh God. Suddenly you begin to see that our NHS staff are doing their best but like firemen trapped by a forest fire, you can only hold it back so long without more support. If we want to tackle mental health and the crisis that I've described and discovered over the past year, then we need more firefighters with better equipment. Currently, it's all too easy for those in power to let patients kill themselves while waiting for treatment.  

I publish my blog every Wednesday, there are regular updates on my Facebook page, but as I write this I think my nerves are excitement as I think about my day to come. The Youth Health Parliament is a opportunity to not only make friends and network with people, but also to bring about real change and positively impact on people across the UK. I literally have nothing to lose by trying.

So, essay/rant over. My quick diary entry now! :)

Easter was a brilliant time which I spent playing games with my friends and family, binge watching some TV and I even did a spot of gardening! I had my training, ready to be a 'Lollipop Man' and had a good gossip and chat with my sister and my closest friends. Sometimes we all forget how lucky we are to have such amazing friends and family and I cannot believe how lucky I am. They have been tolerant, understanding and caring but with honesty and encouragement. With their letters of support I am writing to the Department of Work and Pensions to appeal their decision on my PIP application. Even a few pounds a week will help ease a big burden (MONEY AND BILLS!!) from my mind which with my ongoing medication and therapy can only help.

Thank you once again for reading and sharing my blog. PLEASE do comment below and share the link on your social media. You mean the world to me. Thank you.

I applied for PIP and was told that whilst I am ill, I do not qualify...

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Mar 24, 2016 at 8:07am PDT

Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness! Your life matters. You matter. Please take care of yourself💕 #SickNotWeak #mentalhealth

— Kay Ska (@kay_ska) March 29, 2016

https://t.co/akLmc0sGsX pic.twitter.com/WOGyhPmUZI

— Matt Streuli (@mattstreuli) March 22, 2016

“I want my friends and family to know that I understand it from their side too. I know it’s hard to support someone with depression and I know you’re trying your best. So thank you.”
Posted by MattStreuli.uk - Mental Health Aware on Thursday, 24 March 2016

From fighting Stigma and HGVs to visiting LBC

How can a week go by so quickly? Last week I was in agony with a possible kidney infection whilst in drag protesting - which got a fair share of press attention too! 

Picture thanks to Slough Express - I'm the one in red dress

I am pleased to report that said kidney appears to be behaving like a pulled muscle at the moment so I could have a painless pantomime next week. Ha! It is good fun being a local celeb although no autograph hunters yet!

This week, I published Episode 2 of #ExploreMH. For those of you new to my story, there is a full recap on the INFO page of my website but rather than sit at home and be abandoned to rot and fester, I am going out of my way to make the most positives I can out of the situation. #ExploreMH is a series of Huffington Post articles with YouTube videos tied in.

People are scared to ask for help because of the 'image' mental health has and therefore how other people will treat you. Its very easy to say "I don't care what other people think of me" but stigma is more than that. My aim is to make mental health more accessible and easier to understand and in turn break down some of the stigma that goes with it. Even though it is illegal to treat people differently because of their mental health, it happens far more than it should.

If you would like to read more on stigma in mental health ( #ExploreMH ) then please check out the article I've written on The Huffington Post or you can watch the article on YouTube. However you choose to do it, please do share it and leave a comment - spark a debate. In the next edition I'll go onto talk about how you, Mr Average Joe or Ms Average Jo, can help battle stigma. I plan for that episode to come out on 2nd February which will be hard with pantomime surround it! I'm sure there is another major event at the same time... I wonder if it coincides...

Also this week I popped into Central London to sit in on Shelagh Fogarty's show on LBC. Towards the end of the 2015 her producer Rachel found my website and invited me on as a guest to talk about male suicide reaching a crisis point and my own experiences - you can read more in the archive on top left.  Continues below video...



My anxiety did make me panic. Not a full panic attack but it rattled the gates nonetheless. I pushed it down, donned my #TimeToTalk #Take5toTalk shirt and drove to Hillingdon Underground Station; to find the car park full. Anxiety laughed at me. After a few laps of the car park and pondering if I could park outside a bay without blocking anyone, I drove to the next station. I've never been to Ickenham station but I have to make myself do things. I found a space pretty quick and parking was cheaper there - result!

Stock image of Shelagh in the
TV Studio style room at LBC
I forgot to take any selfies!

LBC is a talk radio station broadcasting from some amazing studios at their parent company's HQ in Leicester Square. It's also home to Global's other radio offerings such as Classic FM, Smooth and Capital which along with LBC have gone from being regional stations to nationwide hits. Being sat in the control room with Rachel and her team was amazing. Seeing how callers were lined up, a guide script ever changing and updating. At key points Shelagh was listening to a guest or a caller and her producer as they agreed in which direction to take the show. On the journey home, Shelagh tweeted me to say 'It's Exhausting!' and it truly is; yet I was watching. I love listening to LBC and, not just because she let me watch, Shelagh is my favourite. Some presenters can be quite confrontational whereas Shelagh lets the caller take and then through gentle yet suggestive questioning can either help us understand or let the person's argument fall apart like a neatly demolished stack. Perhaps it is a symptom of my anxiety but I hate confrontation and the 'Paxman' style is all about that.

I've already offered the team a bribe of Jaffa Cakes to have me back for #TimeToChange Day!

As always - thank you for reading and sharing my blog, articles and videos. Please do comment -even if it just to say howdey - and give the Thumbs Up or Heart or whatever it is. Right... Better go learn my lines for panto! THANK YOU xxx

Matt Streuli is a mental health blogger and activist. He is a member of MIND, the UK Mental Health Charity and a Time To Change Champion. Read more on his story on his blog and his articles on THE HUFFINGTON POST.
Blog: www.MattStreuli.uk 
Twitter : @mattstreuli
IG: www.instagram.com/p/_hk9w9AiBS/
Tumblr : mattstreuli.tumblr.com/

http://mattstreuli.tumblr.com/post/137478398205/mattstreuli-see-me-in-panto-im-the-dame

#foodporn

A photo posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Jan 15, 2016 at 11:18am PST

2016 is already improving...

Watch the video below or on HUFFPOST

Firstly, my blog is moving to Wednesday. Secondly, happy new year! How was mine? Shite. Lastly, what do you think of my new YouTube series?! EEEEK!!

At the end of 2015 I recapped my mental health come discrimination story so far and also gave a hint that I was working on a new project. I had seen the YouTube videos of Laci Green and Laura Nuttall. I wanted to try and combine the two, with my own style and bring a similar open honest yet fun or quirky view on Mental Health. I am still going to be blogging but it will try and be more of my views and a mood diary so the actual debunking of mental health goes to the YouTube series.

The plan is that every one to two weeks I would like to publish a new video and I'm trying to ensure there is a Huffington Post article to suplement it. I completely get that some people prefer the written word and in researching and testing out my ideas, I found that writing an article and then making it more 'spoken' seemed to work quite well. That way, I have a script to work from and I'm not making daft noises or blabbing on and off the point. For the autocue, I'm using a website called BigVu which has an accompying Google app. It is still in beta and has a few clunky bits to it but aside from randoming stopping recording halfway through, it seems to work well. I'm going to ask that we leave the mental health debate brough up on the video and article to the comments section of the Huffington Post and the YouTube pages. However, I would love to hear your thoughts on the comments section here on the production itself; should I film somewhere else or use a different app?

Post Continues below this video:

Wanted to share this fantastic video about Trigger Warnings. Well done, @mattstreuli https://t.co/dZkcnIq13b via youtube

— Laura Nuttall (@Lozzamogz) January 5, 2016

My last post of 2015 was rather pessimistic yet was the second most viewed of the year. I read back and commented on my most read posts of the year - some of which should carry Trigger Warnings! Perhaps the low tone was a sign of the depressive episode that approached and flooded me at New Years. I could of had such a good time yet wrecked it. I felt overloaded.

As I've mentioned before there is an ongoing situation or grievance with my employment that is now being escalated to ACAS. I still sincerely hope it is resolved amicably soon. Linked to that, I am about to lose my salary as my sick pay expires although I have applied to the insurance company for my employer for continued wages - why I had to apply I'm not sure. What I know for certain is that if they cut my pay altogether, I could lose my home. I've also applied for PIP, the replacement for Disability Living Allowance although at the time of posting, I still have not received the forms they posted over Christmas. Pantomime is but 4 weeks away and whilst I love the buzz of being on stage and helping pull it all together; there are lots of empty seats I'm worried won't be filled. The club means so much to me and has been such a support.

The club survives on the profits made from the yearly pantomime, or my excuse to wear women's clothing as it should be called.

Tickets for panto are at www.ihdc.co.uk

All of this plus some events I am not able to disclose (not my story to tell) and the funeral of a close friend (as covered by the local press) just overwhelmed me. I went back to self harming and isolation.  Returning to sleeping 12 hours and some pretty intrusive thoughts. Using the phone is hard for me most days but when I'm that bad it becomes impossible.

I feel better now. I'm not out of the woods yet as most of that burden is still bearing down on me but there is a plan of attack in place for each one.

So I refuse to end this week on a low note. The HuffPost article and the YouTube video have gathered some comments and tweets - although your support in boosting that would be very welcome.
I guess 2016 is already showing signs of improvement over 2015!


If you get a chance go and see The Danish Girl in the cinema. Emily took me and it was a really thought provoking film. Maybe I enjoy being the panto dame too much...

Thanks again for your support; all the retweets and shares and likes and comments.  xx

Blog: www.MattStreuli.uk
Twitter : @mattstreuli
IG: www.instagram.com/p/_hk9w9AiBS/
Tumblr : mattstreuli.tumblr.com/

Matt Streuli is a blogger, actor and YouTuber who is passionate about mental health and his local community. He has made a career in customer service, entertainment and customer care. He is the Chairman and dame of the Iver Heath Drama Club in South Bucks. 
In his spare time, he hosts The Matt Streuli Show on Southwaves Radio (Thursday 8pm) and lives near Pinewood Studios on the edge of London. His website is www.MattStreuli.uk

The Danish Girl was amazing... Little disapointed I can't find Lili's memoirs on @AmazonUK ... only the book tie in. :(

— Matthew E Streuli (@mattstreuli) January 6, 2016

Please also support the TIME TO CHANGE campaign on stigma at http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

Last chance for Sunday tickets! Www.ihdc.co.uk 🎭 @iverheathdramaclub

A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on Jan 4, 2016 at 1:12pm PST