Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts

Push through Anxiety or You'll Seize Up

RuPaul quite rightly says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else”. That same love can be applied to care and support; if you don’t help yourself, how the hell can you help anyone else?

Arthritis can be an incredibly painful condition and those who suffer from it should be admired. They push through the pain using coping strategies and medication because if you don’t mobilise those joints, they could seize up and the pain would be worse. In short, use it or you’ll lose it. Anxiety is a similar beast.  Anxiety wants to isolate you. It wants to clamp you down. It wants to shut you up.
There are days where it is exhausting just to open the curtains. There are days you can get to the local shops and back.  But whether it is agony in your knee or a burden on your mind, you have to try. 
The CDC (a department of the US government) encourages those with arthritis to take up their SMART challenge. I think the same can be applied to Anxiety and mental health in general.
Start low, go slow.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
Activities should be “joint friendly.”
Recognize safe places and ways to be active.
Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist.

"To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on."- Dave Pelzer

Start low, go slow.
Find an activity you can dip in and out of. Maybe something you can do for 10 minutes and take a break. Something where you can slowly build up and join in gradually.. Don’t expect to run a 5k on the first day. Consider activities like a walking club, singing for fun club, maybe part of the backstage team at your local drama club or even just volunteering at a care home or school.
Modify activity when symptoms increase, try to stay active.
If you all becomes too much (whether joints or pressure on your mental health) you can slip away for a while. If you can run 5k, you might not be able to do it every week. If you can’t run the 5k, do a little run instead. If you feel like going to singing or yoga this week is hard or you are already drained, maybe ask the leader if you can come for the first half and see how it goes. Sometimes the hardest part is getting over the first hurdle and once you are there you have the support and fun you really need.

Activities should be “joint friendly”.
For mental health, perhaps this is open to your interpretation. It might be that joining the local Drama Club provides you with the same ‘escapism’ it gave me or the idea of being on stage isn’t your thing, there are many groups like ‘Men In Sheds’ and ‘Library Games Club’ where you can be part of team taking part in casual activities. There is something to be said though for joining a sports activity and while it wasn’t for me personally, something like Netball or Lawn Bowls could be brilliant for physical and mental health. Being part of a team, a supportive team, can be very rewarding whether you win or lose.
CLICK the image to view full screen
With thanks to the Membership team at Mind, the mental health charity
Recognize safe places and ways to be active
For me this links in with the above activities but this also includes safe places where you can get support. Does you library offer a local drop in service? Is there a local Mind? Some cafes also offer a mental health afternoon. If there isn’t, could a chat with your local Costa manager help set on up? Another aspect of this is where would you go in an emergency? Or a time of crisis?
I really recommend an app called “Hub of Hope” which does a great job of signposting you to local services whether it is in a crisis such as Samaritans or more routine support. They have a website also at:  https://hubofhope.co.uk/

Talk to a health professional or certified exercise specialist
Have you recently spoken with your GP? Have you been referred to a NHS Mental Health services or to a community service?
Many areas now accept self-referral so if you find talking to your GP hard, taking the first step to NHS support can be as simple as filling out a form. There is a long wait in most areas. Sometimes month just to have an assessment appointment before your referral makes it way to the right team. I understand that the long wait puts people off. I completely get the “why bother” feeling especially when you think you are stable. In reality, you might be slowly declining – for anxiety you might be slowly isolating yourself more and more – and it’s so gradual you don’t realise until there is a crisis. Refer yourself at the start and even if it’s only a light level of support … preventative is better than reactive.
I know the above might seem daunting but with mental health, you do have to practise and gently push yourself. If you don’t, it makes it harder to even accept or use the help you can get. 


"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."- Dalai Lama
Thank you for reading my blog – especially if you have followed me on Twitter or liked my Facebook page. A big welcome to all my new readers – your input, opinions and sharing my links is very welcome.

As you can see below, I became a page three model this month as our story went nationwide in the summer edition of Mind’s Membership magazine. It has been lovely to hear your feedback and Mind even sent us a wedding present which is really sweet of them. If you live in Bucks, you might have even seen us in the county newspaper.
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With Thanks to the Bucks Free Press
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We're Married!

When you get an Uber and you are alone, do you sit in the front or the back? That is my current level of social anxiety.  A few years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to get in the car let alone survive that awkward “are you busy today?” chat. 

It is amazing how far to think I have come in the past few years and the last few weeks since our wedding has been the perfect time to reflect. The months leading up to the big day can be so stressful but it is important to have friends and family around to support you. Please, reach out, you are not alone.

The vast majority of your friends and family will be flattered or over the moon that you want their help or input into your special occasion so don’t be shy to ask.  I’m so glad we asked for help and I owe those nearest and dearest so much. Maybe it's asking for help setting up the favors on the table or even a special reading. It is the little personal touches, that you and your closest family bring to the day that makes it important, unique and memorable. 

Does anyone else have a pork pie in their wedding photos?
Who else had a big red bus for the closest family to ride?
Who else had a flash mob after their first dance?
 Just us. 
It might be a little 'out there'. But that's us. We're special. Unashamed.

We had a 'Mind' theme photobooth!
Could you support a charity important to you on your big day?
Since mental health has been such a huge part of our lives, we wanted it to be part of our huge day. In fact, I've written a blog for Mind which will hopefully appear soon on their website.
While 2015 was the worst year of my life, it was the catalyst for so many good things. Getting support and diagnosis on the NHS helped me get the right path to recovery and trying to stay healthy. For me, having a diagnosis of EUPD meant I had something to learn about and focus on; it wasn't a horrific shadow or even unknown.

Mind helped me to find a voice and to take ownership of my story – rather than letting my story or my mental health own me.

With the help of Mind, I’ve told my story on BBC News and to The Guardian. They also introduced me to the Mind Media Awards where I have helped shortlist entries for 3 years.

During this time, I also became reacquainted with a friend from school, Caroline. We had drifted apart, as you naturally do after school. Caroline had a difficult time and suffered her own frightening mental health issues at university. However, those experiences helped us see past each other’s flaws and into our future. We weren’t damaged or scarred. We’d survived and were starting to thrive on the adventure of a lifetime. Within a few months, I knew I could never be without her and on New Years Eve, I asked her to marry me.

We were married on 6th April 2019 at our local church where we both grew up and we are thrilled to share some photos with you here. We used Mind wedding favors, name cards with pins, on our tables. On the back of our order of service, we asked people to make donations to Mind via the website. We also had leaflets, flags, and donations around our photo booth.  

I don't know if we raised much, but it felt nice to have a positive story linked to mental health.

If you had asked me in 2015, I couldn’t see a future. Yet the right help has helped me on a path to where we are now. Mental health doesn't have to be a bad news story. Good things, like happy endings, can happen too.

Find out more about my story through my blog or browse the different interviews I've done at www.MattStreuli.uk
Thank you for taking the time for reading my blog. Please follow me on YouTube and Twitter.




Order of Service designed and produced by MattStreuli.uk





Scented Candles and #SelfCare

Human nature seems to like maintaining the status quo however when that is the routine deaths of 100,000 people each year linked to issues with mental health care, I can’t help feeling something can and should change.

Whilst the male suicide rate was at its lowest in 2017 (since 1981 when the Office for National Statistics started) it is still the biggest killer of men from their teens to the time they should get their bus pass. In 2017, 5,821 people ended their own lives. 4,382 (75.3%) of those were male.


There are many ways to tackle this and different organisations are taking different multi-pronged approaches. In fact this week sees the Mind Media Awards which does a fantastic job of promoting sensible and careful conversation of mental health in the press or on films and TV. It also rewards those programmes, journalists and producers who undertake this difficult conversation and encourage people to talk and seek help. I was very proud to be on the shortlisting panel for the awards for a third year running and as ever found it a rewarding, enlightening and humbling experience. You can watch the event live via the Mind website.


One of the prongs to tackle this killer is the idea of self-care. In the ever hectic world where stress is the biggest cause of absence at work, helping people make healthier decisions can not just save the NHS millions or decrease your waist size but actually steer people away from the edge. The image of having a relaxing bath, or sitting still for 5 minutes of calm with candle or wax melt can at first feel quite… ladylike. But why should there be anything wrong with looking after your mind if it’s OK to look after your body? 


I asked on twitter: When was the last time you did nothing? Just focused on a raindrop, sat still, silently noticing the world around and what your senses' sense?

Every vote was either 'Rarely' or 'Never'.


One of the ways I practise self-care is to sit still and practise some simplified mindfulness with a wax melt or a candle to focus on. How does it smell? Can you see the flicker of the flame or the wisps of fragrance raise from the pool? Taking 5 minutes to notice these things allows your body and mind to reset from the chaos that is your pinging emails, buzzing text messages and banging of children or telephones. 


Below is a video review for Pick N Melt who reached out to me and given the nature of my blog and social media wanted my view on their products. The Mrs-to-be and I adore a Yankee Candle so went in with high hopes. It would be nice to spend some money on craft-made UK candles and wax melts? 


I have been blown away by the beautiful scents available and how well the fragrance remains. I've used big brand wax melts before and ended up with 'scent-less' wax lining my bin after a few hours but the 'Seville Orange' has been going for almost 35 hours now and it still smells like we've zested our own fruits right there. It's not overpowering but it is strong and lasts really well. I'm really impressed with the value of money their monthly subscription pack provides - a perfect gift for Christmas or for you to share with your friends and promote a bit of #selfcare.  #BeTheMateYoudWant.

Thanks for reading! Please share, subscribe and comment. Why not have a look at some past popular posts I've linked below!?



#TopWeddingTips PartOne : Don't Buy Wedding Magazines!

Normally my blog is diary or exploration of my life and views on Mental Health - especially now I've been on live TV! 😋

As part of new series, with the assistance of my W2B (Wife to be), we are giving you our input and the lessons we've learned- some of them are pretty shocking! So rather than throw away your hard earned cash, make your wedding special, meaningful and fun. Let us get to it...

#TopWeddingTips #1 - Use a Credit Card!

Some of you will have read the header and immediately dismissed it but hang on. There are TWO very good reasons to use a card.
Firstly, you will be placing deposits and buying things here and there and sometimes, it will hit you all within a few days - too often its unpredictable. You do not want to be spending money without good thought but you do need quick access and being able to spread the cost over a few months will help prevent you wiping out your savings (if you are lucky enough to have any!). There are some really good websites like MoneySavingsExpert and uSwitch that will compare Credit Cards, even for those on bad credit, and find the best 0% purchase options sometimes up to 24 months. Credit cards are just like your energy bills or your broadband, you have to switch almost yearly or they'll treat you like a mug.

Secondly, is the protection a credit card gives you. It's like a condom for your wedding buys! You will be buying from small business, whether its a photographer, the DJ or local seamstress. Even if you purchase through eBay/PayPal or trusted sites like Etsy or NotOnTheHighStreet, it can still go wrong. HOWEVER, as long as the spend is £100 on the credit card, you get extra protection (on top of whatever protection PayPal or the store gives) buy UK Law. Goods not delivered? They don't work? The company disappears? They go bust? If you've been on those 'Scammers' groups on Facebook then you know how easy it is for conartists to pop up and disapear - its only £50ish so people rarely go to the Police or Court and it takes hundreds of victims before people get caught. Rather than finding the money and energy to go to court (you're getting married after all and who has time to chase £98), you simply call your Credit Card Company and the protection in law means that after a few forms and sending them reciepts or contracts or whatever proof you have they will reimburse you. It happened with us on a holiday with lowcostholidays. They went bust but within a few weeks the money was back and we had rebooked. If we paid through debit card or bank transfer, we would have either got nothing or very little. Just make sure you pay it all off (if you can) before the end of your 0% offer and it means you get all that extra protection for FREE. This applies to EVERYTHING over £100, even if just one installment is on the card... (holidays, hotels, weddings, cars...)
Section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act provides additional protection for credit card purchases costing between £100 and £30,000. If you have a claim for breach of contract or misrepresentation against the supplier of the goods or services, Section 75 gives you the same claim against the creditor.
This is useful if, for example, the trader you purchased the goods or services from has ceased to trade or if you haven't been able to locate them. This additional protection only applies to credit card purchases, not debit card purchases. - Which? website, 2018

#TopWeddingTips #2 - Reception? Go Everywhere!

"Oh, this is my dream!" It is still worth checking other venues & hotels. Your savings and your heart will thank you.
Whether you want a Church and Hotel, like us, or maybe you prefer the 'all in one' in a lovely Hotel or the more personalised DIY of a Church and Village Hall or Clubhouse, you need to check all the options. We knew we wanted a hotel as we didn't want people worrying about getting home, rather than having the best party and going upstairs to their rooms (and even breakfast with us the next day). Having read advice online we were ready to get married on Thursday (an evergrowing choice to save £s)

When we went to our first wedding fair in early 2017, the very popular and extravagant hotels and venues already had peak Summer bookings for 2019 and even some for 2020. Your wallet will thank you for giving yourself time to plan and book and your heart will thank you for making the day more personal than a rushed 'prepackaged' option.

The BEST wedding fairs tend to be in Autumn and early Spring (because suppliers are too busy in peak season) but that doesn't mean you can't go to venues and look; sometimes pop in and see the venue set up for an event that day. We'll discuss Fairs in more detail in a future post.
Source: BBC, ONS
We live near Heathrow and I found a Hotel with the package I really liked the look of. For the price, the rooms were amazing and, for me, being at the end of a runway was pretty cool. The price/package looks reasonable too compared to the insane prices we've been showed before. Seeing the place was a concrete labyrinth put me off a little bit. When we saw the windowless dated yet huge box as the Reception venue it made me skeptic. OK, it filled our weekends going to every Wedding Fair and hotel within 30 minutes of our Church but we found a MAJOR brand hotel with much nicer rooms and venue for MUCH less. It was closer to our Church too and our hearts and wallets thanked us for checking it all out. It will take weeks and months of weekends to check out all the options - even if it is just for the freebies you get or the ideas. The ideas might be "let's do that" or "we will never do that".

Oh, and you definitely want to get married at the weekend? Rather than throw away good money for the privalige find a Corporate hotel. Our hotel is mostly corporate which means that Saturday was CHEAPER than the Friday (they would lose their regular 3-5 days conferences). Bear that in mind! Plus, if it is good enough for businesses making Million Pound deals or Donald Trump's Dumps, then its good enough for us.  What matters is how you use or decorate the space.

DO speak to people at the venues, not just take a brochure or a website. Again you might get some freebies but they'll also tell you how to get the best from them to make it YOUR day - if they don't then you know they are just for people who have FAR too much money!

We'll have more info on researching Churches and Hotels in future posts.

#TopWeddingTips #3 - Don't Buy Wedding Magazines! Use Pinterest

Definitely take in all the ideas and advice you can and then collate them as you feel they are relevant but never in paper form...
Brides, Elle, Hello!, Empire, Cosmo...
All on one app you can Screenshot!
OK. The headline is a bit of clickbait. Some of the decent magazines will set you back anywhere from £5 to £19 per month. Some of their articles will be free online but I suggest you use an app/website like Readly. For us, we got a free trial and a discount subscription through a mobile phone provider or broadband or something but its a website that allows you see the latest edition and most of the back editions for hundreds of magazines, not just weddings. We read some of the big brand magazines but also the more regional ones - so you could see real weddings near you (over the past few years!) and not just adverts. It's not just UK, but Europe too. I can't read much German but you're only looking at the images and screengrabbing your favourite ideas really.  Click here for the full list of 'Wedding' mags.

Once you collected the screengrabs from the magazines put them on a shared board on Pinterest and then as a couple you can go through. Each of us added different things and so were able to combine what we both liked. You can organise them much better rather than having cut outs and print outs strewn about your home (which is going to be filling up with other things for your wedding!). Maybe you still want a physical or paper idea board, but at least you've narrow it down online. Over the 18 month, it saves trees and money.
Have a look at our board, which needs some organising at some point!, here: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/matthewstreuli/wedding/ 

We liked adding stuff and then sitting in bed on a Sunday morning with teas and coffee narrowing down the pins and sorting them. You can also search Pinterest for ideas like invites or to save photos you've taken from things you've seen at fairs. Save links there too so it's all in one easy place. Use it as inspiration to make your own - or enlist those around you! We'll discuss more next time but trial your ideas at your Engagement Party - its a 'Dress Rehearsal" for your reception!

MORE IDEAS & TIPS NEXT TIME

Have you got some advice related to these three posts? Maybe some HORROR stories? Or things that went right for you? Comment below.
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