Wednesday, 4 May 2016

Things Really Can Get Better

So... That was a crazy week. Where do I begin? I guess where our last post ended.

I was being called a 'crusader' by the local press so getting so frustrated with people breaking the law and trying to kill me, I started filming and posting it.

Press article: Click Here 

It is a tricky situation. My anxiety skyrocketed after so much press interest last week and some of the initial responses as I began have an internal struggle between venting my frustration and doing something about these incidents and trying to follow the correct channels and procedures which may not get me any results of if they do, get there too slowly.
Transport Cabinet Member Mark Shaw
Click here for BCC Press Release and all Media Contact regarding this.
As you can see from the press article linked above, my County Council are being very supportive and I think this is something I can be proactive about and bring a positive change with safer roads for everyone. Hell, if the we can get a method working of actually fining the worst offenders, it could even fund itself!

Perhaps it is my own frustration but what is the point of having laws if they are not enforced? If people can commit crimes, such as never stopping for me, and never get a telling off or a fine then they have no reason to stop. When other people see this behaviour, they start to follow suit.

As the week continued there was a 'Open Mic Night' (I'm planning on editing the footage later this week so keep an on my Twitter @MattStreuli) and a trip to Costco where I didn't spend any money. Now is perhaps a good time to admit that I've shown an interest in a certain young lady for a while now. I tried not to act upon but it had been mentioned to a couple of friends. The same friends who encourage said Lady to attend those events and my friend's 50th birthday on Saturday (again footage to be edited but there is some here on my Instagram).

My mind can be evil. Who could ever be attracted to me? I used to think I was the 'Leonard' from Big Bang Theory but I'm more like 'Raj'! Except Raj doesn't crossdress on stage and I'm not a PhD of some sort. Given the depression, anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts I've discussed with you, why would someone choose me as a boyfriend? Yet after some flirting and hand holding from both sides it happened. She kissed me as I dropped her off from our long weekend and then in Brighton, on a day out with friends and my little sister, she asked me to be her boyfriend. Yes, I know that tradition dictates I do the woo-ing but I could never refuse her!

Speaking of weird things...

 I was asked to help 'Time to Change' by attending another event (click here for info on last one) and talk to small groups about my experience. All I was told was it is a MoD building site. MoD standing for Ministry of Defence. I was expecting an old airfield or maybe a barracks that is being modernised or turned into housing. Nope.

I woke up feel anxious already. Talking on stage in heels, even if I ad-lib and ignore the script is almost second nature. Yet the prospect of appearing on 'a stage' as myself is more than scary. I pushed myself to do it and dosed up on meds. Coming off the M4 near Reading, I followed the directions I'd been given wondering why there were no signs and little traffic. As I turned the corner of a country road, with high hedges and farming fields aplenty, a giant site looking like a cross between Auschwitz and a radar station just appeared. It appeared in a way that immediately made me think that if I ever go down that road again, it would not be there. Parking in a car park outside the parameter I went into the reception rooms and bus station. There was a continuous bleep. Every second. That just built my anxiety. It was like being in George Orwell's Supermarket. Armoured vehicles and armed Police everywhere. I probably should not go into too much detail but the site is run by AWE who use it to store, construct and research nuclear weapons. We weren't talking to the MoD itself, but the building contractors and managers building the new modern buildings and silos. As you may of read in a previous post, I visited the 'Secret Nuclear Bunker' with my Father a few years ago and this, from what I could see, was the hi-tech futuristic version of that cold war history. This blog isn't the place to discuss whether we should rearm, renew or relinquish our nuclear deterrent and missile capability but simply having us there to discuss mental health and combat stigma can only help their staff and in turn keep them healthy and at work. Getting better and earlier intervention is a key element for everyone including businesses.

I guess that is it for this post.

Maybe it is my mind but I tend to feel that these are not the powerful poignant essays or rants I used to have. Perhaps you could comment with examples below or let me know if you think this borderline diary is still useful. If nothing else it does show the struggle of someone with mental health issues as they try to rebuild their life, if there is a future at all. Yet, I've been asked out by a stunning caring and clever lady - so I should never complain again! - Good luck hehe!

Thanks again for reading, following and sharing. x x


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A video posted by Matthew E Streuli (@matthewstreuli) on