Examining My Depression

My Girlfriend and I after her funrun in the
Color Obstacle Rush in Windsor.
Depression is incredibly unfair. It sits on your chest pinning you down yet because it is always there you acclimatise and seem to forget. As you may of read in last week's post, click here, I am quite proud of my work with my County Council on road safety especially for the children and myself at the Zebra Crossing I patrol. In fact I've appeared in three different local or regional newspapers of the past two weeks. In one paper, I was on page 3! (Click here for Slough Observer).
Whilst some months are busier than others, at this moment I cannot rely on media work to keep me afloat. The same can be said for 'Lollipop' work. My parents have nudged me a few times about venturing out into the workplace but I can't. I don't know if it is my depression, part of my BPD or EUPD as we discussed last time out, or just natual cynicism but I'm scared I cannot work a full time job. Being a lollipop man is pretty low stress but with the wobbles I keep having how can I commit to anything. At some point my money will run out but that doesn't motivate me to risk myself and try to find a career.

"I've found an exhausted and underfunded NHS doing its best to support me although there was a 6 month wait to start treatment. In other parts of the UK people are waiting 2 years"http://mattstreuli.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/the-blurred-truth.html

That all said, I am OK for now. I am OK money wise and considering the low stress and low hours, the pay for being a lollipop man is OK also. My Girlfriend is stunningly beautiful and supports me by caring for me, putting up with my rants hyperactivity and sulking, and laughing at my daft humour. Given that the show I am directing is only 3 weeks away, why would I risk anything now?
My cast for my summer play. Info at www.ihdc.co.uk
 and click on NEWS. 

Depression Awareness is something I touched upon a few weeks ago here on my blog and sometimes I fool myself into thinking how small a problem it is. I mean 'small problem' for myself and not on a national scale. Perhaps this is because sometimes I can function pretty normally and I can smile and laugh. I think I am pretty good at the moment, with some key supportive relationships in good places, yet I still think about suicide. It does scare me that a little while after I've taken my own life you will all forget me. I hope the photographs keep me in mind. However, I, of all people, should know that depression just lurks beneath the surface and how easy it is to mask our true self from the world. Have a search through the archive and you can probably spot all the signs. The key reminder for me is photographs. I like to photograph and share my life. Not for the fame - frankly I couldn't care how many likes an Instagram post gets - but for the fact that it will remain when I die.

Next week (16-22 May 2016) is Mental Health Awareness Week; an initiative to get everyone thinking about own mental wellbeing and that of those around us. This year's theme is Relationships which I will write more about next week but, in the meantime, please text "TIPS" to 70300 to join the daily relationships challenge. The text is at standard rate but the texts you receive are free. This is UK only.
text "TIPS" to 70300 (UK Only)
Text sent at stnd rate. Text rcd are free.
Over the next week or so the Mental Health Foundation, a UK Charity, will send helpful reminders and challenges to encourage you to build and use your relationships to look after yourself and those around you. Good relationships can help us all live healthier, happier lives.

Relationships can mean the difference between sinking and swimming in this life.

You can find out more about #MHAW16 on their website where you can get all sorts of infomation and resources so you can make a difference at home, work and schoolwww.mentalhealth.org.uk/ 

Last week I spoke publically about my mental health and the discrimination and stigma I've spoken about here on my blog. I am available to speak in your workplace too! Details: Click Here.


 Have a read back through the past few weeks, maybe my article for The Guardian and tweet your thoughts on them. Openly talk to people over lunch. Every share helps fight the stigma of mental health.

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