Matt Streuli

Wouldn't it be Good

"Wouldn't It Be Good" is a song by the British singer-songwriter Nik Kershaw. It was released one month prior to his debut studio album Human Racing. The release was Kershaw's second single on 21 January 1984
http://www.nikkershaw.co.uk/

Here is my cover with music video. I would like to record a better version in a studio but need time and money for that.

This is will be last YouTube video. I'm taking a break from everything.
Thank you for supporting me.

2015:

From my album: Please Leave Me Alone

#timetotalkday 2015

I have been rather neglectful of my blog thus far in 2015 and today is the day to change that. Today is also the day when we can all pull together to fight the stigma of mental health.

Time to Change, the mental health anti-stigma programme run by the charities Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, are encouraging people of all ages to take part in the national Time to Talk Day by taking 5 minutes today, Thursday 5^th February, to have a conversation about mental health.

Hundreds of schools, organisations and members of the public on Time to Talk Day will come together to break the silence that surrounds mental health.

If you have been reading my blog you will have seen that I am not too shy about discussing my mental health. I feel that by blogging I can let people near me know what is going on without them feeling awkward but also it feels as a good way to process and evaluate how I feel rather than let my thoughts and emotion clog up my head.

I'm taking 5 today because no one should be ashamed of any illness - whether it is a depression or a sprained ankle.

In my own life I have been using my anti-depressants which do seem to work but I will admit I have been double dosing myself occasionally which has shortened an emotional crash I was entering. However, with January and February being so busy for work and for my pantomime, it is hard to know what I will be like in a few weeks once it is over. Later today I have a telephone appointment with someone from the Berkshire NHS Talking Minds Service. Whilst I have told my boss it is just a GP appointment, actually it is the next stage of referral.

For those of you who have not read my blog before I believe I may have bi-polar - something my GP said was a possible explanation.

Bipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression) is a severe mood disorder. Individuals experience low moods, which might be characterised by depression, feelings of hopelessness, a lack of energy and social withdrawal. At other times, high, manic moods can bring confidence, energy and optimism, as well as a loss of inhibition.

For me, bi-polar fits as I am not permanently depressed; in fact some times I could be described as hyperactive. Also bi-polar disorder suggests that the mechanics of my mind are not quite right which also makes me 'happy'. To me it suggests that my previous attempts at talking therapy did work but 'gearing' is not quite right. The difficult part is that for 50%-70% of the time I am not low or depressed nor do I have any thoughts of self-harm or suicide. It is at these times that I wonder why I need anti-depressants or to go through the NHS' overstretched Mental Health services because who doesn't 'like' being hyper?

The stigma around mental health still exists which when we know that 1 in 4 people will be affected by a mental health condition is inexcusable. If you are mentally healthy, then you will know at least one person in your immediate freinds or family who has a mental health issue at some level - so how can it still be a taboo?

We have come a long way from the days of murdering our own troops for 'shellshock' or hiding mothers away with what we now can 'Post Natal Depression' and whilst it is true the current government has put policies out declaring that mental health be given the same attention as physical health; society still has a long way go to.

By reading this blog and other online things you are joining the fight against this stigma so go on your social media and share you support by 'taking 5' today.

#timetotalkday 2015

Oh - and come see me in pantomime this weekend! Did you see Channel 4's Sunday Brunch a week ago? Yes that was me! hehe.

Thank you for tolerating me; Much love xx

You don’t have to be an expert
to talk about mental health.

Talk, but listen too: simply being there will mean a lot.
Keep in touch: meet up, phone, email or text.
Don’t just talk about mental health: chat about everyday things as well.
Remind them you care: small things can make a big difference.
Be patient: ups and downs can happen.

Find out more about mentalhealth and how to be there forsomeone at time-to-change.org.uk

This blog is part of the,Time to Talk Day 2015 #Take5ToBlog initiative.

"We are asking people to break the silence that stigma creates by joining our 24 hour talking marathon. Mental health is relevant to every family, workplace, school, sports group, place of worship, social club or community group, so let’s get talking…”

For information about Time to Talk Day and how you can get involved please visit http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday

Starting 2015 Scared

I went to my GPs. As it was Christmas they were running a 'walk in and take a ticket' service which actually seemed to run better than the regular service. Suggestion there for them...

Anyway I met a great GP who was understanding. We talked about how a stupid thing - something that would not normally affect me - made me emotionally crash. Remember the bi-polar diagram I drew in the last post? Where my emotions seem to fall off a cliff into the clip art rain cloud? For a sold week I was suicidal and self harming. He asked me how I did it and where and whether I was going to hurt myself or anyone else; which my cynical brain heard "Do I need to section you?". Part of me wanted to scream "yes" and be taken away from it all without dying but the rest of me was too frightened so I immediately assured him I would never harm anyone else - which is true - and that I don't intend to kill myself. Although I do remember telling him I knew exactly how I would kill myself in a pain free way because "I am a coward".

Either way, he thanked me for coming and gave the talk about how asking for help is an important step. I am on a low dose of the non-branded Prozac called Fluoxetine which falls into a class of drugs called SSRIs or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. This sounds clever and fancy but in simple terms; serotonin is used by the brain to carry messages around its different departments and is absorbed in the process. SSRIs seem to slow the absorption which means there is more Serotonin in your brain and testing shows this helps emotion and sleep (which when I'm high I get very little of and when I'm low I can't seem to wake up). It does have some side effects but the only one I have noticed is some shaking however at this point I haven't noticed any change to my cycle. You may have noticed this shaking in my recent YouTube videos - go look and it's easy to spot.

He then gave me a poster and asked me to self-refer myself to a 'Talking Therapies' service run by NHS Berkshire which I did online and I expect a email next week. From reading their website it seems there is a 30 minute telephone assessment and then they decide if I should get what services they offer, ranging from online tutorials through to CBT / Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or be escalated to a different Mental Health thing within our local NHS. Taking the online test would indicate that I am simply depressed but it (the test) is far too simplistic to leave it at that. A good analogy would be to say the First World War was caused by an man being shot in a car; whilst technically true it doesn't reflect the full situation.

This made me start looking online for easy mental health test that would show a better understanding rather than giving a simplistic depression result. I found Whats My M3 which rather than being about a London to Southampton motorway was a clever 3 minute self exam which if you use private healthcare and a central record system (Microsoft HealthVault) appears to monitor your mood and changes in mood similar to a mood diary. I've attached my results below which still screams depression but does point out that some of my behaviour does appear to be anxiety and 50% bipolar - irony included.

So why am I scared of 2015?
Because I am alone at the end of each day and, perhaps this is my anxiety but, I do not think my work will appreciate my efforts to get help and that is leaving the stigma to one side.

However I should look at the positives; panto is a few weeks away and I know that it will be draining but I do really enjoy it and that club is my passion (HINT HINT I WANT A OBE!!), I am going on a great holiday with my sister and best friends in August and finally that our comedy podcast just hit 6th place on the News Chart. Have a listen using the player below whilst you browse the web and my pictures below.

Anyway, thank you for reading my blog and supporting me. It really does mean the world to me and anytime you wanna give me a hug and a caramel hot chocolate - its always welcome.

Please do keep supporting the charity MIND (I'm a member), share my blog and YouTube videos and finally come see me in pantomime! Enjoy the stuff below - hope you had a great crimbo and may I wish you the very best for 2015.