Sunday, 14 December 2014

What am I meant to change?

I'm not happy. It feels like it's getting worse - which is an achievement as I thought I had already visited rock bottom.

The happiest I've been in the past week was presenting a quiz at my work on Thursday and getting drunk alone watching House on Saturday night.

The rest of the time I feel overwhelmed. I've feel I have been pushing my friends away although my brain feels that society is pushing me away -  I'm unwelcome. I'm fat and horrible.

Something has to change. But I don't know what or how.

If I could win the lottery I would lock my door and never come out again.  I don't want to keep fighting just to survive.

I don't enjoy drama anymore.  I  could rant but why bother. And apart from drama I have nothing.

I am nothing.
AND yet you all seem to think I'm funny and some local celebrity.

I've burnt out and I'm alone. 

Anyway.  On a more cheery note, I'm in panto in January and I uploaded a special video of pics and videos from set build and rehearsals this month. Buy tickets at Or see the video at (it'd be great if other people did some advertising at their work or through social media) #iwontrant