What am I meant to change?

I'm not happy. It feels like it's getting worse - which is an achievement as I thought I had already visited rock bottom.

The happiest I've been in the past week was presenting a quiz at my work on Thursday and getting drunk alone watching House on Saturday night.

The rest of the time I feel overwhelmed. I've feel I have been pushing my friends away although my brain feels that society is pushing me away -  I'm unwelcome. I'm fat and horrible.

Something has to change. But I don't know what or how.

If I could win the lottery I would lock my door and never come out again.  I don't want to keep fighting just to survive.

I don't enjoy drama anymore.  I  could rant but why bother. And apart from drama I have nothing.

I am nothing.
AND yet you all seem to think I'm funny and some local celebrity.

I've burnt out and I'm alone. 

Anyway.  On a more cheery note, I'm in panto in January and I uploaded a special video of pics and videos from set build and rehearsals this month. Buy tickets at www.ihdc.co.uk. Or see the video at www.youtube.com/MattStreuli (it'd be great if other people did some advertising at their work or through social media) #iwontrant

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