I'm worried I won't be able to kill myself. (Nothing to do with being a coward)

Just as a preface -  I am currently  off work  with a torn tendon in my foot/ankle and  I am on some strong painkillers  whilst  I regain my foot use  hence the lack of posts and the dopey video I posted last week - linked.

Is it normal  to think  about  how I want to kill myself?

For many years I've had suicidal thoughts but the difference  is that  over the  past 6 or so months of anti depressants the thoughts have been less severe. And yet I have always taken comfort in knowing how I want to die and a plan of action if I did need to do it.

However my preferred method,  a rather painless and gore-less option, has been in the media spotlight.

My first choice  would be to suffocate myself using Nitrous Oxide (also known as NO2 or laughing  gas). You will have probably  been given it  by your dentist  or of you have used 'gas and air' during  childbirth. As the name suggests in medicine it is mixed with oxygen even so the drug causes drowsiness and pain relief. In a high enough concentration it becomes euphoric and, much like breathing only helium from a balloon, I would fill my lungs and use a medical mask to ensure that even as I lost consciousness due to the lack of oxygen in my lungs and blood that as I gasp for air I still only breath in NO2 until I cease  to be.

It baffles me how you all live  your lives  without such a plan in place.  Even if in the short term at least I have no plan to execute it.

However due to youngsters using it recreationally the gas or drug depending on your view has gained attention in the UK with one mourning family  asking for tighter restrictions.

Outside of its medical applications,  laughing gas is used in vehicles (Nitro  boost etc) and in whipped cream.  In fact those using the drug to get high are buying cartridges meant for whipped cream dispensers and inhaling it via a balloon.  One canister is one deep breath. At the moment  anyone in the UK can buy these whipper bulbs and as you can see from the below they are  not expensive.

Compared to other end of life methods  this is the least messy, stressful or painful and is in fact euphoric.  Compared to an overdose it is even quite cheap.

Which begs the question - do I stock up now whilst it is relatively easy to obtain or wait and be prepared this option  maybe closed off depending on press  pressure and politics?

Once again I do not plan on killing myself this week or even this year  and if I felt I had to do it I would find another method but this sweet smelling and sugary tasting gas seemed to be the solution.

Rumour has it some states in the US are looking at laughing gas to replace their current capital punishment methods but is it just that the murderer dies 'laughing'? 

Still that's a topic for another day.

Should their be a greater restriction on Nitrous Oxide? Is it worrying I'm  worried that there will be?

Comment below or why not retweet  or repost on Tumblr with your thoughts.

As a side note, my best bud is writing  a blog covering a range of topics including trying to get his fiction book published or even self published. Lee Hall's blog is available here so go click. http://lahallwriter.wordpress.com

To quote Mr Green's hometown "DFTBA" 

Don't forget to be awesome.


Oh and the ankle?  When I'm not doped up on codine it is still  really painful but I am slowly putting more weight on it. Hopefully no crutches soon and I might be able to drive again Xx

Waterslide POV: http://youtu.be/nAephqcMoE4

Bluted and my beard. 


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