Tuesday, 1 July 2014

MANIA

Noun:
 mental illness marked by periods of great excitement or euphoria, delusions, and overactivity.

Some organisations only recognise mania if it lasts more than seven days and for some people mania is almost a crippling disability.

Maybe I don't truly have bi-polar as my manic episodes are hard to point out. My memory just seems to remember a really good week rather than the crippling mania that some people suffer. I write this after about 5 days last week in which I think I was manic. Well I was really happy. So happy I find it irritating. 

I laughed out loud. Something which I rarely do as I sound like a cat being put through a mangle. The sun was shining, it was but the whole world took on this magical glow. I felt as if I was bursting with creativity and dispite my best efforts I slept for around 2-3 hours each night and barely felt sleepy the next day. Life is fantastic and I suddenly had more time for it.

Normally, I would return to status quo for a few weeks until I either suddenly crash into my deep depression or I gently slide there.

However, a few days after my mania has gently slid down to normality, I am experiencing something new.

I AM PISSED OFF.

I am sooo angry. I have one or two reasons to be angry but if I am brutally honest with myself I would normally brush them off - except in a depressive state. 

So, have I started to cycle faster than once a month? Am I now feeling anger instead of self loathing? As bizarre as it may sound to you I'd rather hate myself and this stupid fucking planet that be this angry.


“Speak when you are angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Laurence J. Peter